Striving to be Better for Those Who Look up to Me

Q: Do I see myself as successful?

I don’t really define success by the way others view my accomplishments; but more-so how I feel about what I have accomplished.

At the beginning of this year, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish.  I made promises to myself about the type of woman I would be in the year 2017, as opposed to who I was in 2016.  I strived to be better, wiser, stronger, and more self-loving than I ever have been.  I told myself that my self-care would be a priority and not an option; and that I would learn to make sure the things I enjoyed were strongly incorporated into my routine in order to maintain my happiness.

Will I consider myself successful?  No; not yet.

I had some high hopes for this year, and while some of these things I have been able to achieve, and some things are a working progress, there are others I struggle with daily.  There are mornings I wake up and feel like I don’t want to get out of bed.  There are mornings when I don’t care about anything but myself.  There are mornings when I want to be selfish and self-centered. These days are a contradiction to what I promised myself I would strive to do this year, and sometimes it feels like a setback in my quest to a more well-rounded person.

Despite how I feel, I try not to let these feelings take over me emotionally, because I know I have a responsibility to work on being successful for those most important to me, one of those being my daughter.

I push through those feelings because I have an even more stronger dedication towards being a good mother and wife.  I give 100% to my job because I was taught to do a job and do it well.  I push through those negative feelings and look towards who I am successful for; as opposed to what I have to do to continue to be successful.  I have to give 110% effort, because I am now being watched, observed and studied by a little one who will grow up with some of the traits and characteristics that she has seen in her mother. I want her to see the good qualities, and even with the negatives, I want her to learn how to overcome those things in life as well; so I cannot let them get me down.

Everyone has their own level of success in life and also someone who motivates them to continue to reach for that success.  I don’t feel like I have reached a point in life where I can call myself successful in all the areas I would like to be successful in.  I am doing well in some, but not the best in others.  My focus right now is to find out what is not working in those not so good areas, and work on improving those for not only myself, but for those who depend on me most. I know I have a long way to go in order to achieve the success I want in life; but for now, I know I’m not a perfect person and I’m ok with that. I don’t strive for perfection, I strive for my personal feeling of success. I know there will be days where things won’t happen the way I plan, but I also know I’m putting forth the effort and in time, things will fall right into place for me.