A Social Media Pause for the Cause

I believe it is time for a pause on social media; and by pause, I mean particularly posting on my social media.

I feel at this time, the only things that I can really express is negative energy. I have a lot of personal things going on at the moment, with really no outlet in sight on how to express them properly; so I have been making the not-so-right choice in expressing myself via social media. This is typically something I do not like to do, as I do not like to have that slight mirror into my personal dealings. In light of this discovery, I feel like it is best to keep myself a little more private than I typically would.

You may see me lurking around, looking at things, but not saying much. I will still have my blog and comment and post things, I also will continue to use my Twitter and Author page on FB for content and ways to promote my book; however, anything of a social and recreational nature will get a little pause from me until I can find ways to appropriately separate my personal feelings from my online social environment.

Until next time friends….

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10 Years Ago..

I made a choice to embark on a journey of lifetime sisterhood with some of the most beautiful souls I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

In 10 years, babies have been born, relationships have evolved, we’ve been apart of weddings, we’ve been there for each other no matter the distance or the time apart. We have become true FINER women; far from the girls we were when we started this path, and continuing to evolve into better women with each passing day.

We’ve evolved so much as individuals, it has done nothing but continue to complement our growth as sisters. We’ve got a little bit of everything between us, and I feel like that is what keeps us together. We truly embody our name, and there is no way to deny that we are truly distinct and unique in every way. Our bond is unbreakable, and our loyalty is unmatched. There’s never a dull moment whenever we’re together.

If there is one thing I always want you all to know; y’all will always hold a piece of my heart. My most memorable and one of my most greatest moments in life was finding out that you all would be the group of ladies I’d hold near and dear. No matter where life throws us, no matter the distance or the time; when you call, I will always answer. If you need me I’ll always be there. “Sister” is a word that carries heavy weight to me, and know you all were an integral part of me becoming me.

Thank y’all, and I love each and every one of you.

#5

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My Daughter Wanted a Doll that Didn’t Look Like Her; Here’s How I Responded.

My daughter and I made a promise. Two weeks ago, she saw a doll in Walmart that she wanted, but didn’t get at the time. Now, of course, she thought that she could ask for it the next day and receive. I told her no and made a deal that if she had a good week at school (which is pretty normal for her), we would go to the store and get the doll. She was excited and did very well with not mentioning it to me all week (I was more shocked at that part, lol).

So, fast forward to Friday. We are at the store and we prepare to pick up the doll. To my surprise, she wants the Caucasian doll. I was a little surprised at first, and thought that between the first time she saw the doll and Friday, she might have not cared about the color of the doll. To my surprise, she remembered exactly what doll she wanted, and despite my minimal efforts of persuasion to pick the brown colored doll, she refused.

So, we walked out of Walmart that day, Caucasian doll in hand and my child grinning from ear to ear. Did it bother me? Not really. I left that battle in the toy aisle at Walmart because when her mind was made up, it was made up, and I didn’t want to taint the experience of her receiving a toy “just because it’s Friday” on a petty argument about the skin color of a doll that she truthfully doesn’t even understand the depth of. I tried to ask her about why she didn’t want the doll who’s skin color matched hers, and she didn’t really have an answer (I didn’t really expect her to, but this kid surprises me sometimes); so I left the topic alone for the day, and let her enjoy her doll.

That interaction taught me something about my daughter that I didn’t realize was so prevalent in children at such a young age. Kynn does not care what color her dolls are; she only cares that she can play with one. She loves Elsa and Anna just as much as she loves Moana and Tiana. She has brown skinned dolls, and also Caucasian dolls. Kynn doesn’t pick sides, she’s just a kid and likes to play. She wants to be like the kids she sees on commercials and YouTube videos who have these toys, and if it is a white doll, she wants that doll; if she’s brown, she wants that doll. She’s very exact in her intentions and wants, and I can’t fault her for the specifications she wants on toys based on what she sees.

I felt a little guilty for trying to push the agenda of “why don’t you get the brown doll” on her, once I realized the oddly placed “what does it matter?!” look on her face, lol. For me, there was a deeper meaning to it all, but it also led me to a deeper realization about my daughter.

There are so many avenues of life in which brown girls are under- and misrepresented in society. I want my daughter to be able to see a doll that she identifies with, and if it’s not a doll that she identifies with via color, I believe a deeper understanding of what she’s exposed to daily comes into question. I notice a lot of the movies she watches, or YouTube videos that are viral and popular don’t have many girls of color. She sees the things she sees on television commercials or YouTube ads and wants exactly what she sees; and oftentimes that may not be a doll of color.

I really just want her to be able to understand that dolls of color hold a special place in our hearts. To look on shelves and see a doll in the likeness of our favorite Disney princess, or our childhood idols is a privilege that some thought we’d never see, and I want to be able to represent that in my household and in any way that I can. But, I also have to understand that as a toddler, Kynn does not understand nor care the importance of that just yet, and in time, she will evolve and understand.

With children, if you want them to identify with something, you have to expose them to it. I believe that one should not force certain things in children, because they are very smart and can form opinions about that type of behavior quicker than we think. I think it’s about immersing your child in all cultural opportunities, paying attention to the things they enjoy and show them the many sides to it, and even embracing what they choose; even when it’s not what you want them to choose.

Just a Few Gems I Keep Close.

There is no shame in needing.

Sometimes, you have to cry for no reason to find peace.

Sometimes, life is hard. Life hurts. And it can suck. But it gets better with time.

Time truly does heal all things; let time consume your pain.

You have to dig deep for happiness; it’s ok to admit that you’re not always in a great mood.

Don’t entertain foolishness and don’t let negative energy in your space.

You. Are. Lit. Don’t forget that shit.

Queens never stop fighting.

Take 5 deep breaths and handle that shit.

Live in peace.

Be aggressive in your ambition.

Stop Playing Small

In light of new resolutions, goals and plans for the new year, when making that outlined list of what we will throw our efforts into, we often play small. Playing small means to play it safe; to settle for what is secured and safe for our egos to withstand. Playing it big means going out for the big fish, the grand opportunity; the one that oftentimes scares us the most.

So instead of going for those big opportunities, we go for the easily attainable ones, the ones that don’t offer much disappointment, the ones that make you feel like you’re settling; because most times you are.

Do you think this is acceptable; going for the option to settle instead of going for what you truly want in life? Well, I’m here to tell you it’s not. It doesn’t feel good to see others getting what they want and wondering what you’re doing wrong. Most times, the thing you’re doing wrong is that you’re not going after what you truly want out of life. One thing I’ve learned is that the only thing stopping you from what someone else has is effort and faith that you can achieve all you set out for yourself, no matter how big the goal.

So, for 2019, don’t play yourself, and don’t settle for the small things, when you can go for your big dreams. The only thing standing in your way is you.

🖤