Happy Birthday.

My child,

Please forgive me, for I may not always do my best by you, but I would give my life for yours at a moments notice.

I may not always know the rhythm of your existence, but I will dance beside you anyway.

My timing may be skewed; when you need me I may be distant and when you seek independence I may hover,

But know it is because the beat of my heart changed to match yours on that sunny afternoon in April.

You may find it odd that I stare at you for countless minutes while you sleep.

Or want to hold you even when you don’t want to be held,

But I know that you will live on past me so I need to take any opportunity as a chance to make memories with you.

So when I’m gone, you can always have our moments to put on repeat in your mind.

I knew you would always be a part of the reason I lived, so I tried to make better efforts in your name.

I hope one day you can look back and say you were proud of me, that you were honored that God made us soul mates.

When I watch you, you know, those times when you don’t notice me watching you,

I wonder if God made a mistake.

Did He really believe I was able to handle the amount of love I have for you in this lifetime?

Because my one fear in this world is that I won’t have enough time..

I won’t have enough time to give you every ounce of the love I have for you in this lifetime.

I only pray that I tell you I love you enough.

I hope that I hug you enough,

That I give you enough kisses,

That I make you laugh enough.

And even if I gave you enough of all of these things to last 5 lifetimes, I would still feel like I need to do it all just one more time for good measure.

I don’t know if there’s enough love to go around after you’ve stolen my heart.

As I watch you, even when you don’t notice me watching you.

Praying that you know that I’ll always love more than my soul could possibly take.

My child,

Always remember that our love is the happy place that I’ve longed for,

And I pray one day you will know this love all your own.

K.N.C

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Big Girl Moves!

When you have children, you never know what to cherish; what moments to etch into your memory, what silly things to photograph or put on video, or what things you should never take for granted. As parents, we try to make everything a lasting moment, but sometimes that’s not possible. Today, I had a brief moment of sadness, as i realized my daughter is truly beginning to own her independence.

So…

We usually walk Kynn up to the school and drop her off right in the front so she can walk from there. We do this for 2 main reasons; 1- it gives us the opportunity to still make sure she gets into the school, and 2- it’s quicker than the parent drop off line.

I remember one day, my husband told me that he took her through the parent drop off line at school (for reasons that escape me now). We didn’t think much of it, because she really didn’t mention it after that, until lately.

Lately, Kynn has been very adamant that she wants to “walk by herself” (get dropped off) instead of us walking her. We refused it a few times, which she wasn’t happy about, but finally, the other day my husband started taking her back through the parent drop off. Now, this typically doesn’t phase me because he takes her and I pick her up from school.

Yesterday, due to Brandon being out of town for work, I took Kynn to school this morning. On our way there, I called my husband and he mentioned her walking up to school by herself. She said that she wanted me to drop her off, and she was a big girl and could walk to school by herself now. I’m not gonna lie, I was a little in my feelings about it, lol. I guess you could say that I was being a little selfish about our moment to walk up to the school, and being able to see her meet up with her friends and walk to her hallway.

So, instead of parking and walking her in, I took my place in the drop off line as requested. So here I was, in the line we said we’d never go in (mainly because it’s typically long as hell lol). Once it was Kynn’s turn, she took her seatbelt off, told me bye and hopped out of the car. The principal was there (he and several other teachers will escort the kids to the door or the school) and walked her right up to the door. She didn’t even look back, Lol. She was very happy though, and that’s what’s more important.

I tried to watch her, but I had to keep the line moving, so I drove on. I can admit that I had a few mixed feelings about this. I couldn’t help it, my little firecracker is now becoming a big kid right before my eyes. She’s developing her own personality and space and she expresses how she want things done her way.

I realized today that time is moving faster than I ever imagined. We are technically halfway through her first year of school, and before i know it, she’ll officially be in elementary school. I will admit there are a lot of things we do not restrict her from or constantly hover for, because we know we have a very independent child, but me and my husband do still have a few moments here and there where we know we are needed, and we take advantage of those moments because we know they are becoming more non-existent than we are ready for.

I try to prepare her for the world and what it has for her, but the reality is I never will know what’s in store for her life. Only God knows what path Kynn is destined to take. I know she knows she still has her parents in her corner always, but I feel like this is one of those little steps towards a more mature adolescent. What I do know and look forward to though, are those special moments when she does still need me, and best believe, I’ll always be by her side for as long as she needs me. 🖤

Take On Life’s Responsibilities One Moment at a Time

We all do this; we tend to believe we have eyes in the backs of our heads, multiple arms and legs, superpowers, the ability to correct the past, right all the wrongs and predict the future all at one time. We want to be able to change the world for the ones we love when we get hit with the hard unshakable truth; we can’t do all of these things, and we definitely cannot do them all at once.

Sure, we may be able to conquer one or two of these amazing feats (lol) for someone, but I’m sure you get my point. Handling multiple things in your life or in your loved ones lives at one time does not make for a productive person and it doesn’t end very well. You have to learn to capture one great moment at a time, which is more amazing than bragging about all of the things you attempted to accomplish at once, but couldn’t.

I know that a lot of times, we want to impress and show the ones we love that we care, so we’ll oftentimes say yes to all of the things they want us to do. Then, we’ll go to work and pile on the commitments and work projects we need to do because we want to impress our bosses. Then let’s not forget the things that we want to do for ourselves. So now, here you are; sitting in a corner with a mountain of responsibility on your shoulders and trying to do all of them at once! You are not a juggler, and I’m pretty sure if you tried to, you would fail miserably.

We have to get out of that mindset and learn to handle things one at a time. You have to learn to enjoy things and prioritize things one moment in life at a time, one milestone at a time, one deadline at a time. No one can learn to appreciate all the efforts you put into what you do for them, if they are hiding behind the million-and-one other things you did along with it.

Learn to set each thing aside and take your time. Some things do not need to be rushed, and everything deserves its own chance to shine.

Sometimes We All Need a Break, Even Your Kid!

Despite what others may think, it is perfectly normal for you and your children to want some time apart from one another.  Just like any other relationship, kids get sick of their parents, and parents get sick of always being around their children.  I believe this is why we take advantage of the opportunities when our children are sent to be with family.
A couple of weeks ago, my father picked up my daughter and nephew for a couple days.  For my sister, it’s partially a relief (she still has two more boys with her), but for my husband and I, we couldn’t have been more elated to get some alone time, and also give our daughter some time to see my father, so I’m sure she was just as excited to get away from us as well, lol.
Whenever I tell someone that I take every opportunity to let my daughter stay with a family member or go spend a week with someone, they always ask me how I am able to do it so easily.  I’m not going to sit here and say that I just pawn her off to every family member at the drop of a hat; but I am also not going to say that I am a complete mess while she is gone.  I believe it’s a combination of things.
First, knowing and trusting whoever she is with, helps ease the mind a bit.  I don’t have to put my parents or grandparents on a hawk eye’s watch with my child, because I trust them and know that they would take care of her just as well (if not better possibly, lol) whenever she is with them.  I mean, they took care of me and my husband, and we turned out ok, right?
Secondly, I know my daughter gets sick and tired of looking at her parents all the time and wants to visit with other family; and that is perfectly normal and ok.  People do not understand that children are humans as well.  They do not always want to be up under their parents all the time, just like their parents don’t want to be up under them, LOL.  That’s why it is beneficial to always have a support system around that your kids know and love as well, to give them a mini vacation every now and then also.  My daughter would always go on trips, have sleepovers and hang out with family, because I knew that would give her time to spend time with loved ones and friends and if she ever got the opportunity to do so, I would give it to her.
Third, ALL PARENTS NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES!  I love my daughter to the ends of this Earth, but it doesn’t mean I don’t need a break as well.  And there is nothing wrong with you needing a break from parenting.  Being a parent is one of my greatest joys, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world; however, that doesn’t mean that if someone didn’t give me the opportunity to have a kid-free vacation, I wouldn’t take it!  There’s only so much one can take when you’re constantly in “mommy” or “daddy” mode for a good portion of your day.  Adults need to step outside of that bubble and get some adult human interaction as well.
We can be the best parents God set us out to be, but that does not mean we do not still deserve the opportunities to enjoy life.  There are times when we enjoy the great wonders of life with our children, and also times that are meant to enjoy moments of life with other adults.  Just like I need time to enjoy being an adult, my daughter needs time to enjoy seeing her family, and being a kid.  I give her every opportunity to interact with other kids and other family, and it gives us just enough time to miss each other, so once we are back together again, we can enjoy each other’s presence again!

That Question We All Love to Hate

Now that our daughter is three years old, it is not very often that time goes by when someone is asking my husband and I this one aching question:
“When are y’all going to have another baby???
Jokingly, we always tell them a number of different answers:
  • “I don’t know”
  • “Soon”
  • “When you start helping pay for 2 children”
The third one always gets laughter out of most; however, that is possibly the most serious out of the three answers.  While I appreciate everyone’s desire for us to have another bundle of joy, it is definitely a big decision to make right now, especially with a child not quite in school. There are also so many other things to consider, that it is definitely in the conversation, but I’m a person of timing and planning; and despite people telling me in my past you can’t prepare and plan for a child, I believe after the first baby, you can plan on how and when you want to have your second, third, etc.
Having a child has to be the most beautiful blessing I’ve had in my life by far.  Watching my child grow up everyday is truly is amazing.  On the other side of that, I do notice times when she longs for a sibling.  She does have her cousin with her, who is 8 days younger than her; however, she is also getting to the age where she is also asking her mommy and daddy for a baby brother and sister, and also claiming friends as her own siblings.  I haven’t read up on it, but I’m sure somewhere, that may be a sign of a child wanting a sibling, lol.
I know I’m not alone in this; I know several married couples who get a similar question, but simply put, most people who are watching you live your life, become successful and prosperous want to see that next milestone, and to them that means children in their eyes. I know several people who hate having the question asked of them, and others who don’t quite mind it as much.
There are some circumstances in which I don’t mind the question; when it comes from my family because I know they are comfortable with our overall decision to plan this out strategically for our family; however, that doesn’t stop them from getting that grandma-auntie-cousin itch for a new bundle of joy in the family.  It’s understandable, but all things will happen in God’s timing.
I do believe in either situation, there are things that people should definitely consider when pressuring a married couple to have children.  We all are aware that that is the next step in life; however, everyone’s circumstance is different.  I beg of you to proceed with this question with caution and consideration for that couple’s situation.  I don’t personally ask anyone when they are having a baby because of several things:
  1. The woman may not be able to conceive or may be having fertility issues
  2. They may simply not want children of their own, and some find it offensive
  3. They may not be in a comfortable place financially or professionally to expand their family (no matter what we say, I still believe that some level of financial and career stability is needed prior to having children)
  4. Some couples would rather spend as much time doing what they want to do, before having a child; because we all know children add a layer of complexity to our social lives and free time.
I can assure that the greater majority of the population would love to have children; however, there are a lot of factors that come into preparing your life for a baby, no matter what society may tell you, even before the actual conception.  Allow your married friends time to ensure they are ready to start their family, and don’t pressure them to do it on your time. 😃

So, I’m 30; Now What??

Now that I’m officially “in my 30’s” I have felt a very blatant and noticeable shift in my perspective and energy. I feel the strong desire to make some hard decisions about my life and where it’s going. I’m not sure if it’s just the aura of the new age; however, I am feeling my “get ish done” mode being turned up to overdrive in a matter of days.

There have been so many things on a personal level that crossed my mind as I reflected on turning 30. Things I either need to sit and talk about with my husband, or just things that I feel need to change within myself.

As the days continue to pass and I embark on this new chapter, one thing I hope to see in my life is a manifestation and growth of new and exciting opportunities, life changes not only for myself, but for my family, expansion, business ventures, maybe even a change of scenery. Who knows; but what I do know is I’m ready and waiting for what great things will come my way!

A Look Beyond the Titles

Mother.  Wife.  Supervisor.  Employee.  Provider.  There are so many times when women who fall into these categories are defined by these words.  We are characterized, classified and described with these words and at times, our identity and worth is sometimes only valued based on these things.  For five years, I have had the pleausre of being a wife; three of those years I have been on the journey of motherhood; and that same amount of time I have held a managerial role at my job as a supervisor.  I identify these roles because a lot of times these roles either have positive or even negative connotations to them.  You can either be praised for the strength and determination it takes to hold these titles; while in some eyes, your abilities and talents are narrowed to only these roles.

I am More Than What my Titles Define

As a woman who holds these titles, I don’t want to be ashamed when I say, I want to be known for the things I do outside of these things.   I am thoroughly proud to be a mother and take pride in being a wife, but I also have interests, thoughts and opinions that define my individuality outside of those things.  Sometimes, I don’t want to have non-stop conversation about parenting or marriage, because there’s so much more that goes on in my life outside of these things.  I feel as if I don’t want to always complain or discuss my job or my work.  Aspects of these things are nice; or how they may relate to real-life issues can be fine, but my conversations and my lifestyle does not have to center around 24-7 “mommy” type things, or “married/wife” things.  I am an individual Black woman.  I have friends who come from all walks of life who have so many different things going for themselves.  I am a writer and published author, I read the news, I follow social media for the simple fact that I like to stay connected to things going on in the world and within my age range and demographic.

I have done this very often, and I tend to challenge myself to tell people things that are not so  obvious  about myself.  Two things that someone will always know about me within 30 minutes of speaking with me is that I am a wife and I am a mother, because those are the things that I tend to assume people will always only want to know about me.  I believe that women are designed to tell people those basic facts about themselves, because they are the most important things, and not highlight any of the other things that are important to them in their lives.