Choose. Yourself. Every. Time.

So, a lot has happened in the last 12 weeks or so, things that have made my begin a transition into a new chapter in my life that I am so excited for. It also taught me a valuable lesson about myself.

So, in April, due to my own personal mental health, I took a leave of absence from my job. There were several things (most importantly the environment and that’s all I’ll say) that we’re getting to me professionally and personally and I needed a break. Well I took a very healthy break from that place. 10 weeks. In that 10 weeks, I realized that I had to start choosing myself, my family, my life, my health first. So I made the decision to finally cut ties with the job I’d known for almost 5 years.

May 28, I said goodbye to my old job; no second job lined up, no real plan. But i knew that I needed to cleanly break away. So I told them that after my leave was completed, I won’t be returning. I’m sure there were whispers, rumors, discussion about me; but I don’t care. This decision was made because of that kind of behavior and I was not about to walk back into that.

May 30, I had an interview with another state agency, same position but better pay. I went and interviewed, and that day I received a call that they wanted to move forward with me; only 2 DAYS after I quit.

Yesterday, after all the formalities, I got my official job offer from the state of North Carolina. I start in a week and a half. All it took was 12 days to secure my new plan. I’ll be in the same field, but in a different state and I’m thoroughly excited.

When I quit my job, I asked God to put what is for me in front of me. He wasted NO time. I thought I’d be sitting around with no job for months, but He knew all I wanted was to be in a positive environment doing what I love.

What I learned from all this was this: in life, sometimes you have to take a leap; a leap into the unknown and it’s very scary. It took months for my family to convince me that this was the best option for me. It took even longer for me to convince myself. I’ve wanted to quit my job for over 6 months, and i finally gathered the strength in May 2019. You have to trust that whatever is meant for you, is waiting on the other side of you to release whatever is toxic and negative in your life. Toxic energy and new beginnings cannot both fit into your life comfortably. And I’ve made the choice that toxicity has no place in my life. Plus, the people who want worse for you always end up LOSING in the end.

Please, don’t hold on to negativity. Release that crap and get what’s yours out of life. I wasted too much time holding on to negative things; fear, doubt, worry, that I have let life pass me by and it only led to mental health issues. Not anymore.🖤

I can’t wait to start this new chapter of my life. I also need new work clothes…lol.

If I took anything from this experience in my life, and all the emotions tied to it, it is this; CHOOSE YOURSELF EVERY TIME. I’m done doing things out of the approval of others. I have started a life where I choose myself and I’m very happy with it. Now, onto the next chapter in life.

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Don’t Let Comparison Steal Your Joy

I’m sure we have all heard the quote “comparison is the thief of all joy.”

We as humans live in a world where comparison happens without knowledge. You see a person with a better job, better car, better house, etc. and sometimes we cannot help but compare our lives to others.

What we don’t realize is, when we do this, we take small bits and pieces of our joy away from us. Constant comparisons to other people’s lives does nothing but put you in a position to be pessimistic about your life; or on the flip side, it can cause you to look at others’ lives as inferior to yours (if you are comparing what you have that is better than someone else), and that is a negative trait that no one should want to inherit.

Count your blessings more than counting what you lack: it’s all about your mindset. If you focus on what you have, you will spend less time talking about what you lack. What you have in your life at the time in your life is tailor made for your success. Comparing your life to someone’s else’s doesn’t bring about any positive feelings, because no one’s life is the same, and the timeline for what you want and need in life is not the same as another person’s.

Focus on your goals and how to achieve them: instead of comparing yourself to what others have, try focusing your energy on achieving the goals you have for yourself to project

My 2019 Message

One thing I’ve reflected on heavily in the beginning days of 2019 has been the aspect of regret, and missed opportunities.

We oftentimes take things for granted; people, opportunities, even material things. We think that people will always be there, that opportunities for growth and positivity will always come our way. We take our journeys through life, and sometimes we anticipate that everything will always go smoothly; however, the fact of the matter is we have to expect that life has a trajectory that we all are unknowing.

I have to say that while I haven’t experienced very many tragedies or traumatic experiences in my life, and I’m grateful for that, there are some that I do have regret. If the tables were turned and things were different, there are situations that I would have ensured I had done differently.

These experiences have taught me to never take opportunities for granted. If you love someone and feel the need to say it, then say it. If you want to do something that’s in your power to do, then do it. If you need to say something, then say it.

Never live with regrets. Try hard to live life without having too many “I should have” and “I wish I did” moments. Take advantage of the good things life gives and take the bad moments as learning situations.

That’s the message I’m taking through 2019.

Self-Discipline. Self-Love.

Lately I’ve been channeling more ways to love myself, before I put myself in the position to find the passion and love for other things. I feel like in every aspect of life, you need to love yourself in order to have the positive energy to be the best you can for your life (we all want to live our best life, right?). After realizing that even in some of the things I thoroughly enjoy doing weren’t even peeking me up, I realized that my overall happiness with myself, caused me to not even be happy about anything I do. So I started to look myself in the mirror, and tell the blunt truth:

“Girl, you need to get YOURSELF the hell together.”

And thus , we begin the process to self love and respect because I’ve been trippin’.

I watched a video on Will Smith’s Instagram, that eluded to self-love beginning with self-discipline. So I decided to look up what discipline really means.

Discipline:

a : control gained by enforcing obedience or order

b : orderly or prescribed conduct or pattern of behavior

So, with that being in place, I began to dig deeper into how one would need to begin a self-love process, and it’s very relatable to obtaining a level of discipline that relates to this:

“I’m going to enforce and be obedient to the process of loving myself.”

In order to love yourself, you have to teach yourself the discipline. If you do not have self discipline, how can you be obedient enough to love yourself properly?

This can apply to several parts of life. Loving yourself means loving wholly; mind, body and spirit. This can come from even the smallest commitment of obedience and change. For example, choosing to meditate for 5 minutes a day before bed is a small change, but could yield an impactful result, and even expand into a deeper and more meaningful practice with discipline and routine.

I realized that even over time, as I told myself “I’m going to focus on loving myself more”, because my level of self-criticism is through the roof; I really wasn’t truly doing the work needed to commit to that statement. I would find and adapt different hobbies, try to set my days differently, etc. and I realized I was really only touching the surface. I wasn’t really being honest with myself and figuring out how to fix those things. And here I was, wondering why I still woke up some mornings and couldn’t get out of bed because I was so dissatisfied with life.

Now that I’ve been able to really assess my life, and determine what and how I want it to go, I’ve been more apt to begin with setting up obligations and expectations for myself (in small doses), to make myself more disciplined towards living a life where the love for myself shows externally and internally. Without it, you truly cannot be someone who can love other things and people, because you will not be able to find the beauty in life. Begin your journey with assessing how disciplined you are to a change in your life, and that is when you will start obtaining whats necessary to lead the life you will come to love.

🖤

Things I Now Have Come to Learn about Life

  • There’s no age requirement on having purpose in life. Some people go their whole lives and not know their purpose. But find one, and hold on to it, no matter when you do.
  • You’re not always going to like the hand your dealt, the goal is to play that hand to the best of your ability.
  • Put more energy into your happiness instead of dwelling on the bad stuff.
  • Sometimes, you’ll be really low; lower than you’d ever imagined. But remember, you can only go up from your lowest point.
  • Smile more, frown less.
  • Do not put energy into things that won’t mean you any good. Your energy is too valuable to waste.
  • Tell people you love and appreciate them, even if it’s for the smallest things.
  • Don’t be afraid to be wrong. Being wrong is how you learn.
  • The strongest person in the room, most times is the person holding on with everything they have.
  • Take time to be still. Enjoy the present. Because this moment is only as good as you make it the first time.

Time.

Stop wasting time.

Stop believing that you always have time.

If you feel a certain way, say it.

If you want to do something, do it.

If you want to be something, become it.

Stop telling yourself there is time for everything, or “I’ll do it next time.”

Opportunities are only as good as the moment they walk into your life; and if you’re not careful, you’ll miss the opportunity to truly enjoy living.

Can you say at this moment, that you’ve taken advantage of all the time you have in this world? I know I can’t; which is why I have to start seizing the day no matter what.

Life comes at you fast, hard and sometimes rough as hell. The key to surviving is living, with no regrets and making this the best life you can, despite the mountains you may have to climb.

🖤

Parenting Moment: The Kid Takes on Pre-K!

On 8/6/18 , I woke up, got Kynnedy ready, and dropped her off at her first day of Pre-K.

She was full of life and confidence; I, internally, was a mess.

I couldn’t help but stay in constant prayer all the way to the school that morning.  I had to make sure that if God heard nothing else from my mouth, he would keep my child safe from harm while at school.

My daughter is now in the public school system.  There is a certain shift in energy and a direct desire to be completely overprotective.  I believe it is due to the type of work that I do.  I receive several calls throughout the school year involving children, and even children being hurt by school personnel.  I hope and pray that one day that is not my child, or that I am not in the position to have to report inappropriate actions by a school professional about my child.

I have reflected over the course of the week, and I believe that you’re never prepared to send your child into the public (or private) school system.  For a child, it is a rite of passage and a new adventure; for parents, we are full of nerves, joy, apprehension, etc. (or at least that was me lol).

To all of those in my position, who’s child is entering the school system world and all it has to offer, we will get through this.  The nerves will subside, the tears will stop, and we will have a successful year!