Have you ever felt like you were just out there on your own private island, with no friends to talk to about what’s going on in your everyday, run-of-the-mill life?
Yea. I’ve been there.
I’m going to get a bit vulnerable and let a little of my personal feelings out in this post. I want to let everyone know that I am not throwing shade, talking about anyone in particular or anything like that. I just feel like my blog is my “safe haven” and my “no judgement zone”. If you feel like this post is about you, eh….*shrugs*. Honestly, the people who are closest to me know this isn’t about them, so I’m truly not worried about if someone feels jaded by this post. They are personal thoughts, and I’m entitled to my vulnerability just like everyone else.
I feel like my life has put me in a slightly different position compared to some of my friends. I never really lived the “single life” from high school all the way through college. I had a boyfriend for the most part of high school, and through the first part of college. I then met my husband in 2008 and have been rockin with him ever since. I got married in 2012, had my daughter in 2014 and now am a supervisor at my job. I am pretty much living the average “married working mom” life. I will say it is a pretty exclusive club, once you have all three, but it can also become a pretty lonely club if you are the only one in it for the time being. Sometimes I know I can bore people when all I have to talk about is my job, my daughter, or my married life, but really that is all I have to go off of right now. I believe that I am in a somewhat of a “transitional” period in my life at this point; I’m just hustling to survive, keep the lights on in my house, keep the collections people off my back, etc. So right now, I don’t have much room for fun; and the time that I would utilize for fun, I’m mostly being a homebody because I’m so tired for working and running around with my rambunctious toddler, lol.
Sometimes I feel like a pretty boring person because I do things like read books and write all the time. I tend to joke about it, but I truly am a pretty nerdy chick (I mean, they are things I love, but how long can I hold someone’s attention about a book??) and other than that, my life is focused around providing for the house, making sure Kynn keeps her fingers and toes, and ensuring that my duties as a wife are regularly fulfilled to my husbands standards.
I know part of this is knowing I have to do better at reaching out to my friends; and also finally getting out of this shy shell of mine and making friends, lol. I get caught up in life, and sometimes it just gets away from me. I told myself that this year I was going to take time to check in with the homies that I feel I don’t talk to as often as I would definitely like to. But sometimes, I do wish that I would have someone check in on me every now and then (maybe I’m being a baby lol). I don’t know, sometimes, you feel like the reliable one; the one that is ALWAYS going to make the first move. I have these weird moments when I want someone to have the same thoughts I am having, and they make the first move. I’m not going to say that I don’t have any friends where I live now, because I do; we are just all in the same place in our lives; we are hard-working women, and I think we all just want to chill when we have the free time, lol. I would say it’s high-time for me to become a little more social, though.
I might be blowing this whole thing out of proportion, and am probably silly for feeling this way, because I have a circle of people in my life that I am truly comfortable with, but sometimes I do look at what’s going on outside “the club”, and wonder what life is like on that side of the velvet rope…..am I wrong for wondering? Am I also wrong for not always making that first move to check on someone, when really I want to be the one someone is trying to check in on? I don’t know. These are just random babbles on a Saturday afternoon….
I’m probably going to go read a book now..lol..with my nerdy self. 🙂
Happy Saturday everybody!