My Daughter Wanted a Doll that Didn’t Look Like Her; Here’s How I Responded.

My daughter and I made a promise. Two weeks ago, she saw a doll in Walmart that she wanted, but didn’t get at the time. Now, of course, she thought that she could ask for it the next day and receive. I told her no and made a deal that if she had a good week at school (which is pretty normal for her), we would go to the store and get the doll. She was excited and did very well with not mentioning it to me all week (I was more shocked at that part, lol).

So, fast forward to Friday. We are at the store and we prepare to pick up the doll. To my surprise, she wants the Caucasian doll. I was a little surprised at first, and thought that between the first time she saw the doll and Friday, she might have not cared about the color of the doll. To my surprise, she remembered exactly what doll she wanted, and despite my minimal efforts of persuasion to pick the brown colored doll, she refused.

So, we walked out of Walmart that day, Caucasian doll in hand and my child grinning from ear to ear. Did it bother me? Not really. I left that battle in the toy aisle at Walmart because when her mind was made up, it was made up, and I didn’t want to taint the experience of her receiving a toy “just because it’s Friday” on a petty argument about the skin color of a doll that she truthfully doesn’t even understand the depth of. I tried to ask her about why she didn’t want the doll who’s skin color matched hers, and she didn’t really have an answer (I didn’t really expect her to, but this kid surprises me sometimes); so I left the topic alone for the day, and let her enjoy her doll.

That interaction taught me something about my daughter that I didn’t realize was so prevalent in children at such a young age. Kynn does not care what color her dolls are; she only cares that she can play with one. She loves Elsa and Anna just as much as she loves Moana and Tiana. She has brown skinned dolls, and also Caucasian dolls. Kynn doesn’t pick sides, she’s just a kid and likes to play. She wants to be like the kids she sees on commercials and YouTube videos who have these toys, and if it is a white doll, she wants that doll; if she’s brown, she wants that doll. She’s very exact in her intentions and wants, and I can’t fault her for the specifications she wants on toys based on what she sees.

I felt a little guilty for trying to push the agenda of “why don’t you get the brown doll” on her, once I realized the oddly placed “what does it matter?!” look on her face, lol. For me, there was a deeper meaning to it all, but it also led me to a deeper realization about my daughter.

There are so many avenues of life in which brown girls are under- and misrepresented in society. I want my daughter to be able to see a doll that she identifies with, and if it’s not a doll that she identifies with via color, I believe a deeper understanding of what she’s exposed to daily comes into question. I notice a lot of the movies she watches, or YouTube videos that are viral and popular don’t have many girls of color. She sees the things she sees on television commercials or YouTube ads and wants exactly what she sees; and oftentimes that may not be a doll of color.

I really just want her to be able to understand that dolls of color hold a special place in our hearts. To look on shelves and see a doll in the likeness of our favorite Disney princess, or our childhood idols is a privilege that some thought we’d never see, and I want to be able to represent that in my household and in any way that I can. But, I also have to understand that as a toddler, Kynn does not understand nor care the importance of that just yet, and in time, she will evolve and understand.

With children, if you want them to identify with something, you have to expose them to it. I believe that one should not force certain things in children, because they are very smart and can form opinions about that type of behavior quicker than we think. I think it’s about immersing your child in all cultural opportunities, paying attention to the things they enjoy and show them the many sides to it, and even embracing what they choose; even when it’s not what you want them to choose.

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Big Girl Moves!

When you have children, you never know what to cherish; what moments to etch into your memory, what silly things to photograph or put on video, or what things you should never take for granted. As parents, we try to make everything a lasting moment, but sometimes that’s not possible. Today, I had a brief moment of sadness, as i realized my daughter is truly beginning to own her independence.

So…

We usually walk Kynn up to the school and drop her off right in the front so she can walk from there. We do this for 2 main reasons; 1- it gives us the opportunity to still make sure she gets into the school, and 2- it’s quicker than the parent drop off line.

I remember one day, my husband told me that he took her through the parent drop off line at school (for reasons that escape me now). We didn’t think much of it, because she really didn’t mention it after that, until lately.

Lately, Kynn has been very adamant that she wants to “walk by herself” (get dropped off) instead of us walking her. We refused it a few times, which she wasn’t happy about, but finally, the other day my husband started taking her back through the parent drop off. Now, this typically doesn’t phase me because he takes her and I pick her up from school.

Yesterday, due to Brandon being out of town for work, I took Kynn to school this morning. On our way there, I called my husband and he mentioned her walking up to school by herself. She said that she wanted me to drop her off, and she was a big girl and could walk to school by herself now. I’m not gonna lie, I was a little in my feelings about it, lol. I guess you could say that I was being a little selfish about our moment to walk up to the school, and being able to see her meet up with her friends and walk to her hallway.

So, instead of parking and walking her in, I took my place in the drop off line as requested. So here I was, in the line we said we’d never go in (mainly because it’s typically long as hell lol). Once it was Kynn’s turn, she took her seatbelt off, told me bye and hopped out of the car. The principal was there (he and several other teachers will escort the kids to the door or the school) and walked her right up to the door. She didn’t even look back, Lol. She was very happy though, and that’s what’s more important.

I tried to watch her, but I had to keep the line moving, so I drove on. I can admit that I had a few mixed feelings about this. I couldn’t help it, my little firecracker is now becoming a big kid right before my eyes. She’s developing her own personality and space and she expresses how she want things done her way.

I realized today that time is moving faster than I ever imagined. We are technically halfway through her first year of school, and before i know it, she’ll officially be in elementary school. I will admit there are a lot of things we do not restrict her from or constantly hover for, because we know we have a very independent child, but me and my husband do still have a few moments here and there where we know we are needed, and we take advantage of those moments because we know they are becoming more non-existent than we are ready for.

I try to prepare her for the world and what it has for her, but the reality is I never will know what’s in store for her life. Only God knows what path Kynn is destined to take. I know she knows she still has her parents in her corner always, but I feel like this is one of those little steps towards a more mature adolescent. What I do know and look forward to though, are those special moments when she does still need me, and best believe, I’ll always be by her side for as long as she needs me. 🖤

Parenting Moment: The Kid Takes on Pre-K!

On 8/6/18 , I woke up, got Kynnedy ready, and dropped her off at her first day of Pre-K.

She was full of life and confidence; I, internally, was a mess.

I couldn’t help but stay in constant prayer all the way to the school that morning.  I had to make sure that if God heard nothing else from my mouth, he would keep my child safe from harm while at school.

My daughter is now in the public school system.  There is a certain shift in energy and a direct desire to be completely overprotective.  I believe it is due to the type of work that I do.  I receive several calls throughout the school year involving children, and even children being hurt by school personnel.  I hope and pray that one day that is not my child, or that I am not in the position to have to report inappropriate actions by a school professional about my child.

I have reflected over the course of the week, and I believe that you’re never prepared to send your child into the public (or private) school system.  For a child, it is a rite of passage and a new adventure; for parents, we are full of nerves, joy, apprehension, etc. (or at least that was me lol).

To all of those in my position, who’s child is entering the school system world and all it has to offer, we will get through this.  The nerves will subside, the tears will stop, and we will have a successful year!

Take On Life’s Responsibilities One Moment at a Time

We all do this; we tend to believe we have eyes in the backs of our heads, multiple arms and legs, superpowers, the ability to correct the past, right all the wrongs and predict the future all at one time. We want to be able to change the world for the ones we love when we get hit with the hard unshakable truth; we can’t do all of these things, and we definitely cannot do them all at once.

Sure, we may be able to conquer one or two of these amazing feats (lol) for someone, but I’m sure you get my point. Handling multiple things in your life or in your loved ones lives at one time does not make for a productive person and it doesn’t end very well. You have to learn to capture one great moment at a time, which is more amazing than bragging about all of the things you attempted to accomplish at once, but couldn’t.

I know that a lot of times, we want to impress and show the ones we love that we care, so we’ll oftentimes say yes to all of the things they want us to do. Then, we’ll go to work and pile on the commitments and work projects we need to do because we want to impress our bosses. Then let’s not forget the things that we want to do for ourselves. So now, here you are; sitting in a corner with a mountain of responsibility on your shoulders and trying to do all of them at once! You are not a juggler, and I’m pretty sure if you tried to, you would fail miserably.

We have to get out of that mindset and learn to handle things one at a time. You have to learn to enjoy things and prioritize things one moment in life at a time, one milestone at a time, one deadline at a time. No one can learn to appreciate all the efforts you put into what you do for them, if they are hiding behind the million-and-one other things you did along with it.

Learn to set each thing aside and take your time. Some things do not need to be rushed, and everything deserves its own chance to shine.

Me Time

For the first time in possibly ever (with the exception of the 5 days I took out of the country, I took an entire week and a half off from my job and my adulting responsibilities (insert shock and *gasp*).  I didn’t have any life-threatening reason why I did it (unless you count my slowly deteriorating sanity), but I felt like it was critical and needed at the time.

Continue reading “Me Time”

Happy Anniversary to Me!

One year ago, I began my journey into blogging seriously.  So far, I have had good moments, bad moments, and moments that have truly taken my breath away.

Being that I am a very humble person, I never imagined that I would have the reception that I have had on my blog.  I figured I would get lost in the shadows of all the other amazing blogs on here.  To my surprise, there are at least 207 people out there that found me interesting enough to follow me at one point or another.  For whatever reason you followed, I appreciate the show of love and support to a fellow blogger.

I know in these types of posts, one would usually talk about what their plans are for their blogs going forward.  I haven’t thought it through very much, but I do know that I want to continue to write about my experiences in life, relationships, parenting, etc., continue to document my loc journey for those out there just beginning or looking for different conversations about different things.  I also want to continue to push the envelope on the controversial issues I used to be hesitant to write about, for fear of the backlash for my opinion.  I realize though, this is the reason why I want to blog.  I want to be able to write thought-provoking posts; posts that push people’s buttons and get people to have meaningful conversations and healthy debates.  Someone has to start a little riot, why not me? Lol.

So, here’s to one year in the game; and hopefully a pretty long time to go! #Cheers

Being Emotional on a Saturday Afternoon….

Have you ever felt like you were just out there on your own private island, with no friends to talk to about what’s going on in your everyday, run-of-the-mill life?

Yea. I’ve been there.

I’m going to get a bit vulnerable and let a little of my personal feelings out in this post.  I want to let everyone know that I am not throwing shade, talking about anyone in particular or anything like that.  I just feel like my blog is my “safe haven” and my “no judgement zone”.  If you feel like this post is about you, eh….*shrugs*. Honestly, the people who are closest to me know this isn’t about them, so I’m truly not worried about if someone feels jaded by this post.  They are personal thoughts, and I’m entitled to my vulnerability just like everyone else.

I feel like my life has put me in a slightly different position compared to some of my friends.  I never really lived the “single life” from high school all the way through college.  I had a boyfriend for the most part of high school, and through the first part of college.  I then met my husband in 2008 and have been rockin with him ever since.  I got married in 2012, had my daughter in 2014 and now am a supervisor at my job.  I am pretty much living the average “married working mom” life.  I will say it is a pretty exclusive club, once you have all three, but it can also become a pretty lonely club if you are the only one in it for the time being.  Sometimes I know I can bore people when all I have to talk about is my job, my daughter, or my married life, but really that is all I have to go off of right now.  I believe that I am in a somewhat of a “transitional” period in my life at this point; I’m just hustling to survive, keep the lights on in my house, keep the collections people off my back, etc.  So right now, I don’t have much room for fun; and the time that I would utilize for fun, I’m mostly being a homebody because I’m so tired for working and running around with my rambunctious toddler, lol.

Sometimes I feel like a pretty boring person because I do things like read books and write all the time.  I tend to joke about it, but I truly am a pretty nerdy chick (I mean, they are things I love, but how long can I hold someone’s attention about a book??) and other than that, my life is focused around providing for the house, making sure Kynn keeps her fingers and toes, and ensuring that my duties as a wife are regularly fulfilled to my husbands standards.

I know part of this is knowing I have to do better at reaching out to my friends; and also finally getting out of this shy shell of mine and making friends, lol.  I get caught up in life, and sometimes it just gets away from me.  I told myself that this year I was going to take time to check in with the homies that I feel I don’t talk to as often as I would definitely like to.  But sometimes, I do wish that I would have someone check in on me every now and then (maybe I’m being a baby lol).  I don’t know, sometimes, you feel like the reliable one; the one that is ALWAYS going to make the first move.  I have these weird moments when I want someone to have the same thoughts I am having, and they make the first move.  I’m not going to say that I don’t have any friends where I live now, because I do; we are just all in the same place in our lives; we are hard-working women, and I think we all just want to chill when we have the free time, lol.  I would say it’s high-time for me to become a little more social, though.

I might be blowing this whole thing out of proportion, and am probably silly for feeling this way, because I have a circle of people in my life that I am truly comfortable with, but sometimes I do look at what’s going on outside “the club”, and wonder what life is like on that side of the velvet rope…..am I wrong for wondering?  Am I also wrong for not always making that first move to check on someone, when really I want to be the one someone is trying to check in on?  I don’t know.  These are just random babbles on a Saturday afternoon….

I’m probably going to go read a book now..lol..with my nerdy self. 🙂

Happy Saturday everybody!