Dear 2020..

(A letter to the year that I thought would break me…)

You were not what I expected.

I realized that I didn’t want you. As the year progressed, you did not meet my expectations.

You brought me pain.

You brought heartache.

You brought death.

You brought tauma.

You brought unspeakable disaster.

You brought pandemic.

You wrecked homes and lives and dreams and hopes and wishes and

…..love.

I fuckin’ HATE YOU, 2020.

If I never have to speak of you again, it’ll be alright with me.

If I never have to look back on the memories you burned into my soul, it’ll be a good day. 

You took me places, showed me things.  Forced isolation upon me and from that; so many truths were exposed.  

So many realities became clear with you, 2020.  

Maybe in some twisted way, we needed you to be as fucked up as you were, in order to show us what could become of some of us.  

Maybe we needed vulnerabilities to be exposed in order for us to see what our futures would behold.

Maybe there was a purpose for all that darkness to bring about light in this moment, of this day, of this month, of this year; 2020. 

But, damn….you came with a hell of a swing. 

You put me through hell; put the world through hell, but came out something scathed but new. 

I’m someone I still don’t know; someone I may not even want to know.  But out of the ashes rose someone…

I’m still learning her new ways.

And she is learning my old scars so we can both heal.

2020 swung, connected and knocked me out of the park.

When I come stumbling back to reality, I hope you see that I’m a warrior, a survivor, a woman scorned; but free.