Two years ago, I was in a bad place. I didn’t like the way I looked, I was miserable and I felt like whenever I tried to eat better or stay in the gym I’d give up and get frustrated. I had always enjoyed going to the gym, but it had just felt useless and mandatory; which on top of my stressful job and other responsibilities, just felt too overwhelming. I wanted to quit altogether and just claim to be “fat for the rest of my life”, but one day, with a little motivation from my best friend, I felt a need to reignite my fire for something I truly loved. I started slow, and began to learn to find my love for going to the gym again.
For so many years, I had a love/hate relationship for the gym. I would look at it as an obligation or a chore; I would have lofty goals that in the end, I felt like I’d never reach and ultimately give up. It wasn’t until I realized I was happier when I went to the gym as a method of therapy as opposed to an obligation that I finally made an effort to get back into a routine but make this one a part of my life instead of an additional task on my ever-growing adult to-do list. The gym is truly my favorite place to be, and if I had my way, I’d spend my whole day there. It has grown to be a place of peace and happiness. It’s a place where you’re not judged for what you can do, but for the effort you put into what you’re doing. It’s something that even on my worst day, I can walk out in a better mood than when I walked in.
Once I found the love for working out again, the food fell in line (slowly but surely). It became more about me simply liking healthier foods, rather than saying I “had” to eat something just to be healthy. I made the choice to change my life, rather than go on a diet; which meant that if I wanted pizza, I’d eat pizza, but I wouldn’t eat like crap all day. If I didn’t want to eat oatmeal and granola bars, I wasn’t going to because that’s not the only way to eat better.
I realized that when you just decide to choose how you want to live your life, it doesn’t feel like such an obligation. I enjoy lifting heavy weights, so I start my day off with a session in the gym. I like eating eggs for breakfast, so sometimes I’ll eat eggs. Maybe for lunch I might want a slice of pizza, but for dinner I’ll eat baked chicken. I don’t put limits or restrictions on what I eat, I’m just more mindful of how much I eat (big difference). It was a total game changer!
Fast forward to today, I don’t look at the scale anymore, but I admire what I look like. I take pictures and compare and make adjustments or set goals for what I see I want to change. My idea of “healthy” and “good looking” is very different than it was two years ago. Do I have a flat stomach yet? NO! Do I still have wide hips and big thighs? YES!
Ultimately, do I care? NOPE because I’m a lot smaller and more toned than I was last year and the year before. I’m not making drastic weight fluctuations, but I’m changing and that’s all that matters.
2020 will be the beginning of some more new goals and beginnings that I will definitely want to write about, but the point of all this is to say: I’m much happier with my weight regardless of the number, because ultimately, I’m at peace.