So, one of the blogs I follow throws out one-word prompts occasionally to help writers. One of the prompts was “Empty”. I think of this, and realize that it is a pretty good description of myself right now.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I have nothing left to give. I feel like I’m putting forth so much towards my personal goals, professional goals, etc. and I’m not getting much back in return to show for it. I am working hard towards changing what I want for myself and it just feels like with every passing day, I get further and further away.
I hate having an empty feeling, because so many people will argue that i have no reason to feel that way. There is so much guilt attached to it for me that I rarely ever even want to talk about it. Sometimes I can’t verbalize it; I’ll either write, listen to music, cry, sleep; anything to help me process it without having to speak to anyone about it. It kind of sucks, but ’tis life.
I admit, I have things that most people dream about, and I’m blessed for that; but that doesn’t negate the fact that happiness within ones self is the only way to really enjoy the positive things around you. I’m not afraid to admit that there are some days where I feel that what I have is not enough, that I want so many more things and I either can’t or won’t ever have them. It’s not a crime to feel like a failure sometimes. It’s not a crime to feel completely empty even after 100% effort.
Sometimes emptiness is inevitable; and you may just have to muddle through it in order to get to the other side of that.