Been a While.

So, a lot has happened since my last post. Good things, but things nonetheless.

So, I moved. I fled the nest that I’ve known for 27 years of my life. It was very scary at first, and I don’t really think my body and mind have settled into the anxiety, but I did it and I’m ok with it. I am truly out in this world. Luckily, I moved close to my sister, and my dad, so I am not completely in this big state by myself; however, I still feel a level of independence from the world I have known my entire life. So far, I have been the “new kid” for about a couple weeks now and I’m itching to become a “regular”, but I know, all things in due time, lol.

It was shockingly bittersweet to say good-bye to my hometown; something that I thought would actually be easy to do, since I felt I had outgrown the place years ago. But, somehow, when I pulled out of my driveway on 6/21 for good, I felt a little down for a while. The place where I had made so many memories was now in my rear view. I was off to make new memories and make my mark in a new town; one I would hopefully plant my fully grown self and make a life. It’s definitely an adjustment, from living a few hundred feet from your parents, to now hundreds of miles, but I think it is for the best. It was high time for me to move on and spread these wings of mine, but I also feel that when it was time, I was put in the right position to move to the next chapter in my life.

So far, I am about 2 and a half weeks into my new job, which isn’t much different than my last job, except things feel a lot more relaxed here. I am currently doing training, which are a little redundant (especially because I know the basic structure of child welfare work, this is more like a 6-year refresher). There is not a lot of authoritative pressure and (dare I say it) bullying. I won’t get into that negative period in my life though; I’ve moved on, lol. So far, I’ve developed quite a bit of a routine that I am pleased with. I’ve joined a new gym (go Gold’s!) and gotten back into my lifestyle routine and I am happy about that. I think at this point, I’m just cruising and still getting to know my new place. So far, I have no complaints, and although the thought of how huge my county is, I think I’m up for the challenge now.

Look out NC, here I am.

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Lessons vs. Lifetimes: Using Discernment in Meaningful Relationships

We all have encountered many friends, associates and experiences in life, but how do you know whether or not someone was placed in your life to teach you a valuable lesson, or to be there for a lifetime. I believe there is true discernment in allowing yourself to differentiate from the two. A lot of times, we find ourselves (for whatever reasons) holding on and letting go to the wrong people. I experienced this in my life first-hand.

I can remember a time when I allowed someone to stay in my life for longer than they needed to be, and also let someone go in my life that was meant to be in my life for a lifetime. In my opinion, it is important to discern who in your life is there to benefit you for just a period of learning a life lesson about yourself or about the world and the people in it, versus those who have planted a foundation in your life to be there for a lifetime; people who are meaningful, bring value to your life and uplift you in good times and bad.

With age, experience and time, I have been able to evaluate within myself who in my life has taught me a lesson; someone i no longer need, versus someone who has been placed in my life and i know will be there for the rest of my days. Here are a couple of things I have experienced in this area myself.

  • Life Lesson relationships:
    • they teach you things to take with you for the rest of your life;
    • they show you the positives and negatives about yourself,
    • when looking back, you will see the message that those people put into your life, and you are able to identify the very reasoning why they were in your life and what you learned from their impact in your life;
    • when the time is right, those people will drift away from you.
  • Lifetime relationships:
    • plant seeds that are built for longevity,
    • consistent positive influences,
    • able to hold you accountable when you are not holding yourself accountable, add necessary value to your life,
    • have a legitimate meaning to your life,
    • are able to be there consistently when needed,
    • no matter what happens, these people never waver or drift apart from you.

Do you know if you have the right people in your life for a lifetime, or are those people that are only there to teach you a lesson; but you continue to hold on to them, hoping they are built to be in your life for a lifetime? I believe now is a good time to sit down and evaluate the friendships and relationships in your life. Make the necessary determinations as to whether or not the people you have surrounded yourself with are people who are exhibiting qualities of someone you would want to be a lifetime person, or just someone who is here to teach you a lesson about life.

Spring Cleaning Your Relationships

With the springtime in full swing, it’s not uncommon for you to get the feeling to want to do.a cleanse of sorts through your life. Some people clean their homes, while others may focus more on their personal lifestyles and determine what needs to be flushed out and what does not. Starting the spring season by getting rid of any toxic of negative relationships is one of the great ways to start the season, and a way to make room for new positive relationships.

If you currently are dealing with someone or several people that do not bring any positive benefits to your life, who constantly bring your mood down, or who don’t mean any good to you or are always negative; it may be time to release them from your life at the inception of this new season.  There is no reason to bring that type energy into your Spring and Summer 2018 if you do not have to.  It may be time to make a clean break from those who are not in your life with the intention to bring you any joy or happiness.  This even includes some of your closest relationships; such as family and significant others.

Oftentimes, we hold on to what we believe are our most important relationships because of their title or their hierarchy in our lives.  In all actuality, even some of the closest people to you may only be meant to last in life for a specific period of time before it is time to cleanse yourself of them.

So, before the spring comes in full force, will you be taking a hard look at your relationships and determining who stays and who goes?

Self Love is Always Your True First Love

A lot of times, there are lessons that I feel cannot or will not apply to me, even being five years into my marriage; however, 2017 put me in a place where I was struggling with loving myself more than I ever was before.  In turn, that put a big strain on parts of my own marriage.  I am not ashamed of it; in fact, I think all emotions, whether good or bad are natural and human.  No one goes through life feeling perfectly happy all the time.  No one can go through life knowing exactly how to navigate their emotions all the time, no matter what stage of life they are in.  And just as I say that, I can say that even with a man that loves me endlessly, I still struggled at times with receiving that love, because there were things about me that I could not stand.
There were several points in my life last year that I had to definitely lean on the quotes I referenced above, and learn to dig deep down and find the things that I loved and enjoyed about myself, focused solely on those things in order to pull myself out of the depression that I was feeling about not truly loving myself.
Self-love is also something that is not just mental or emotional, it is also physical and tangible.  Sometimes it takes more than just praying, meditating or speaking positive thoughts to yourself.  Sometimes you have to dress yourself up, take yourself out on dates, treat yourself to a gift that’s long been overdue, do something that is completely “selfish” in society’s eyes.  Some people may think this is a self-centered concept; however, what it really is, is showing how much you value yourself, even when no one else does.  When the right person sees your appreciating your worth, they will make sure they put forth the effort to make sure they show their appreciation for you as well.
I believe that we take for granted the one person that we all should be falling in love with first, because we are so busy putting our efforts into someone else, when really, that person should be ourselves.  Once we realize that the truth to finding real love is rooted in falling in love with who we are, the possibilities will be endless.

Maximizing Quality Time with Quality People

In the hustle and bustle of life’s journey, we oftentimes get caught up with missing out on spending quality time with the ones we love.  One of the things that allows me to maintain a decent level of sanity, is being able to decompress, vent, laugh, cry or just spend time with my family and close friends.  They are something like a form of therapy for me; sometimes when my job, or other aspects of life are beating me down, there’s nothing more I’d rather do than spend time with some of the VIP’s of my life.
Some of us find this difficult, because with all of our responsibilities pulling at you, how do you find the time to fit this into everything else going on?  Well, I’ve always been a firm believer in making time for what you want out of life.  If you want to spend time with people, you have to commit to it, and make the time.  You also have to maximize the time you have and make sure it’s worth every minute.
How can you maximize your time with the people you care most about?  Here’s a couple of ways I have found you can make the most out of the time you have, with the people you love.
Silence your phone. Putting your phone on Do No Disturb (or only answering it for certain people in case of emergency) is a good way to maximize the time you spend with the people you love the most.  Nothing is worse than spending all of your time on your phone when you’re supposed to be having fun.  The most use your phone should get is to capture all the selfies and memories of your good time.  Do yourself a favor and unplug from the phone and focus on that human interaction.
Plan things together. Taking the time to plan things with those that you care about is a good way to maximize your quality time.  It also shows that you care enough to put things together and make the time with that person special.
Focus on the positive; put a cap on negative energy.  I know we all have that one person that we completely unload on when we are having a bad day.  They are the person who will allow you to vent with no judgement and let you get all of your emotions out.  One thing you want to keep in mind though, is that you don’t want that to take up all of your time with that person.  Take a vow to only spend at least 5 minutes of your time with that person venting and releasing that negative energy.  After that, release it, and focus on more positive things.  Do not allow negative forces to take over the time you are supposed to be spending with your friends and family.
The key in all of these things is to ensure that your intentions are well communicated and received.  If you’re looking to spend time with those you love, make sure you make the effort to make that happen and make the time mean something to you.  Not only will you find peace and happiness for yourself, but the person you are spending that time with will appreciate you much more for making the effort to make that time as meaningful as possible!

Live, Laugh, Love; Repeat

Oftentimes, adults get so caught up with our responsibilities, that we forget one of the simplest things to do; laugh.  If you ask me, laughter is one of the simplest and rarest forms of enjoying life.

I’ve been known to bring laughter into any situation.  It’s just in my nautre.  I am someone who is known to be serious, but also knows that laughter is good for the soul.   Sometimes, in tense moments i like to make the situation better by allowing laughter to come in to the atmosphere.

I try to live life looking for the silver lining. I know sometimes that can be very difficult, but I feel like positivity and smiles can go a long way for some people. Even on my worst days, a good laugh can bring me out of the darkest times in my life. I thank God for the people he placed in my life, because that is one of the qualities I love about them; they make me laugh and thoroughly enjoy my life.

A Lesson Learned

What do you take from the experiences life brings you? Do you take them as what they are and move on, or do you search for the lesson in those experiences?

Life is full of countless lessons; some come from good experiences and some come from bad. I’d like to believe that a lot of my best lessons, came from my worst mistakes and experiences in life. I will be the first to admit that as simple as my life may seem, I’ve done some pretty crazy things (lol). Throughout those many experiences; whether it was throughout my childhood or my adult life, I’ve learned valuable lessons about life, love, happiness, family, etc. that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

For me, it’s also important to note whom I owe the pleasure of learning these valuable lessons from. I have to credit my support system for teaching me so many things in my life, and still teaching me things as I journey through marriage, motherhood, and life in general, because there is always something happening or mistakes being made that cause me to learn something new to take with me on this journey. Between my mother teaching me about life, my husband teaching me how to love, and even my daughter teaching me nurturing and compassion, there’s never a moment in my life where meaningful lessons are not being taught.

Sometimes, life’s greatest and worst experiences may bring out some of the most trying struggles and difficulties of life; but the lessons that come out of those experiences is what makes you better and stronger than you ever had been before ❤️.

“Life perfect ain’t perfect,

If you don’t know what the struggle’s for.

Falling down ain’t falling down,

If you don’t cry whenyou hit the floor.

I’m getting past,

And I ain’t nothing like I was before,

You ought to se me now.

Yes Iwas burned, but I called it a lesson learned.”

-Alicia Keys, Lesson Learned