New Release Alert: How it Really Went Down

This week there is a double feature special release!!!

Click HERE to purchase my second novel and second installment of the Playing with Fire series, How it Really Went Down.


Compassion, the Underworked Muscle

As I was reading my current book, Real Love: The Art of Mindful Connection, I came across a quote that held a wealth lot of meaning to me and decided felt compelled to talk about it, because it speaks so much necessary truth to those who suffer with self-compassion. The book has a section that speaks about the “compassion muscle”. Within he text of this section, I found this quote that was resonating:

“Self-compassion is like a muscle. The more we practice flexing it, especially when life doesn’t go exactly according to plan, the stronger and more resilient your compassion muscle becomes.”

When you show compassion, you are basically giving off positive and supportive vibes for yourself.  Far too often, people are way too critical of themselves.   I can definitely relate to this.  The saying “you are your own worst critic” has never been so true to someone as much as it is to me.  I constantly beat myself up about things when I should show myself more love and compassion about those things.  I find that it takes more from someone to show compassion to themselves, than to show compassion to someone else.  People are perceived to have such a great handle on their emotional wellness when sometimes, a lack of self-compassion (or an underworked muscle, per se’) is a big part of why people suffer the way they do.

What is compassion?

In order to grasp a better understanding of the concept from a more personal perspective, I took to the dictionary to find the exact definition of compassion. I found that “compassion” is defined as “sympathetic pity and concern for sufferings and misfortunes.”

Reading the definition provided a lot of clarity on why compassion is an often overlooked or underused level of emotion with other people.  Why is it so hard for us to show compassion to ourselves especially, let alone others?  I believe it is due to the negative perception of the words in the definition itself. No one wants to admit to the “pity”, “sufferings”and “misfortunes” part of the definition, when in actualiy, this is the part that humans should embrace!  Why is it so frowned upon to show this side of compassion to yourselves?  Living in the year of 2019 is no easy feat for anyone, and now more than ever, compassion is needed and support in every sense of the word.   I believe that in certain respects, a person has to show what is perceived to be the weaknesses in order to embrace being compassionate. It is very difficult for people to admit that those things are something that you are allowed to be vulnerable about.  So, I ask myself a personal question; how the hell am I going to start showing myself more compassion??

Show Yourself More Love

What is self love without compassion?  The first step to showing yourself more compassion, is to believe that in order to truly exemplify the definition of compassion, you need to understand the flaws and perfections of the definition; and also, embrace your love for yourself.  If you cannot have any love for yourself, then you will not have any ability to show compassion for yourself (and that’s real spit).  I don’t know how you can truly have a conversation about compassion without mentioning the self-love that is needed to even come close to allowing yourself that level of vulnerability.  You will not always have happy things about yourself that you can show love or compassion for.  Sometimes, when you are at your lowest, that is when these things need to show up the most.  

In closing, I wanted to highlight a few tips on how to show yourself more compassion and love when times are hard:

  • Don’t be such a hard self-critic!
  • Take time to learn from mistakes!
  • Know that making mistakes are a part of growth!

Remembering to Find the Calm

These last two days have been riddled with high levels of anxiety. They kind of came out of nowhere in a sense that I typically do not suffer from anxiety this high. There have just been very overwhelming feelings of worry and stress over somethings that have recently occurred between work and my personal life.

I’ve found some level of peace and calm through meditating every night. I’ve found that my meditation has helped me to be a little more calm prior to me going to bed, but I’ve tried to make it a point to take at least 20-30 minutes of guided or silent meditation to ease my anxiety and calm my mind. So far I’ve been pretty successful and had some very restful nights!

If anyone else is having rough days, I urge you to try taking a few minutes in the evening time and set yourself up with time to meditate.

Your spirit will thank you 🖤🧘🏾‍♀️.

Is Kylie Jenner Self-Made or Family-Made?

I’m sure we have all seen the news that Kylie Jenner has been named the youngest ever self-made billionaire , according to Forbes. Since that news has come out, social media has been ablaze with outrage at the fact that Kylie has been placed in the category of “self-made”.

Now, just for good measure, I googled the definition of “self-made” and found the following via my good friend Merriam Webster:

“made such by one’s own actions; especially, having achieved success or prominence by one’s own efforts.”

The debate begins when you question the mere facts; did Kylie become successful or prominent by her own efforts, or is the fact that she comes from wealth, and has unlimited access to the means to be successful, nullify her from this category? Is she truly self-made, or did her family make her successful just by biological association?

I was reading an article where Forbes stated why they considered Kylie for the title; stating that she built a company on her own rather than inheriting it. They even scaled her on a 7 out of 10 on the self-made scale, 10 being completely self-made. Oprah was a 10. Comparing Oprah’s story to Kylie’s, I find it shocking to agree with Kylie even being a 7.

Do I personally believe that she is completely self-made? No, I do not. I believe that if Kylie Jenner was not who she is, she possibly would not be in the ballpark of a 1-billion dollar business. But her name, her notoriety (along with her families) allows her the platform that some others do not have, and I believe 100% that her platform and her family name catapulted her to the level that she is now. Granted, her company is 100% owned by her; however, I truly don’t feel like she had to work that hard to achieve what she has now (but I’m not saying she didn’t work hard). Her parents and siblings have money, fame, social media following, etc. Their names typically stay on the tips of everyone’s tongues and there is usually something brewing in their lives on a pretty frequent basis (at least according to my trending topics).

To me, Kylie becoming a billionaire is a no-brainer; I mean, you’re apart of the Kardashion-Jenner franchise, there’s no way you can’t develop something and it not turn to gold at your fingertips. But, to say that she achieved it by her own actions? ehh, it’s a bit of a stretch to me *shrugs*. I think there were efforts and I don’t doubt that Kylie didn’t work hard for it, but I can name a few people who actually had to work from the ground up, with nothing, to achieve what they have today. Kylie Jenner just had one hell of a head start.

Morning Motivation

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m lit AF and don’t need anyone’s approval to be me.

I told myself starting yesterday I would write an affirmation on a piece of paper each day and sit it in front of my laptop to look at all day. I’m hoping with constant positive reaffirmation, I will not allow the negative energy that lies within the walls of this place to deter me from happiness.

Here is today’s affirmation:

Be Magical AF.

I have to take this time to shoutout the #SelfishBabe app because it is truly inspirational. I’ve never dealt with an affirmation app that was so blunt and real and truthfully, this is needed in my life at this current time.

I need small reminders that I have greatness in my soul and I refuse to let anyone dim the light that shines through me. I’m committed to growing and glowing and like the picture says, the world is dealing with a magical MF!!!

If you need daily doses of realness and inspiration to be the lit ass individual you are, download the #SelfishBabe app and get your entire life!!!