So, a couple weekends ago, my daughter was very sad about something. She is so much like me that it is almost irritating, because I constantly asked her what was wrong and she would say “nothing”, even though her face clearly was singing a different tune. I didn’t want to badger her; but I needed to make sure she was physically ok, or what was on her mind so I could comfort her.
Finally, I pryed it out of her. She said to me, “I like daddy more than you mommy.”
Well, damn. Lol.
She started to tear up and I told her that it was ok, dried up her eyes and let her go play in her room. I have to admit, I was a little hurt. I went in my room and thought, “Why she got a chip on her shoulder about me? I haven’t done a thing to her!”, but after i thought that, I took a step back and thought about it. Her feeling that way could have been from anything and it wasn’t right or fair for me to be upset with her because of what she said. When I reflect back on it, it wasn’t really all that bothersome to me, because this is not the first time she has told me this.
My daughter, bless her heart, is a daddy’s girl. And my husband is a die-hard girl dad. They have a bond and have had a bond since she was born, and I would never take that away, because it was something that I once had with my father. I know there are going to be plenty of times in life, where her dad will be her favorite as opposed to me, so I don’t blame her for her feelings. I just know that I will have my moment one day. 🙂
For some though, this could feel a little hurtful. I mean, how can the child that we gave life, have the nerve to say we aren’t their favorite?! I mean, we cook, clean, feed them, wash their clothes, kiss boo-boos and play the most ridiculous songs and television shows..lol. Parents, we do A LOT! So it can seem a little hurtful when your child doesn’t pick you as their favorite parent.
I picked a few tips on how to deal with not being your child’s number 1, at least until the time comes where you are their favorite, lol!
How to Deal when You are NOT the Favorite:
Stay Calm: It is not the end of the world if your child says that you aren’t their favorite. At my daughter’s age, I expect to hear that statement a lot in her life. Plus, if you show any rage or anger, it will make your little one feel bad, when I don’t even think they understand the magnitude of the statement anyway.
Act Normal: When my daughter first said this to me, I wanted to say “fine, you go in your room and I will go in mine and you don’t have to talk to me.”, but that is immature and quite frankly giving your child way too much power. The best thing I learned is to continue to be as normal as possible with my daughter. For one, it didn’t cause her to feel guilty because she is entitled to her feelings, but it also was a statement to her to let her know that just because I’m not your favorite, doesn’t mean I’m going to give you special treatment.
Be patient and bide your time (lol): I say this and laugh, because at some point, if you aren’t the favorite parent right now, you will be soon enough. The mind of a child changes almost within seconds; so while I may not be my daughter’s favorite right now, I’ll probably find a time when I will hold that coveted position, and her dad will feel some type of way, LOL!
I think these are great ways to keep yourself calm and cool while your little one grapples with the concept. Most times, children don’t realize what they say or how they say it. To us, as adults, it can be hurtful, but to them, they’re just being honest. Were there times when I didn’t like my mom, I’m certain; but she knows and I know that the love I have for her was far more precious than me not liking her for a moment (probably because I was in trouble a lot lol!).
I say all this to say, kids truly do say the darnedest things, but it’s all about how we respond that makes a difference to them. As far as playing the favorite game, that will always be a phase in/phase out kind of stage, and if I’m not my daughters favorite sometimes, that must mean I’m doing something right. Because let’s be honest; they probably only said that because you didn’t give them what they wanted, right? 😉