Today, I was faced with an emotion that I haven’t felt in a long time; I wasn’t happy with myself. I was having a pretty bad day and beating myself up about it. I hadn’t felt this way in a long time; in fact, I had been in surprisingly great spirits lately about a number of things. But on this particular day, I guess I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, because I looked in the mirror and I didn’t like who I saw that day. It wasn’t the same person who had been looking in the mirror everyday, and that bothered me.
I think everyone can admit that there are days when you just don’t feel like yourself. I have experienced plenty of days like this. There are days when I just don’t feel comfortable in my own skin. There are days when I don’t like the way my locs fall against my face, or I put on a shirt and it doesn’t fit the same way it did a couple weeks ago. I may hear something or see something that alters my mood a bit and it just messes with me a bit. There are days when loving myself, seems like the impossible and those are the days I struggle with most.
It is fairly easy to love your family, friends, children, etc. but to invest the time and effort into loving yourself, is completely different. Many people will say “I don’t have time to love myself, _____ needs me” or “I do love myself”; however, the indicators of that do not reflect that you are truly taking time out to love yourself. There is an old saying, ‘you can’t expect others to love you without loving yourself’, and I feel like this is a very true statement. I have said this to myself a number of times. If I can’t show people the happiness and love I have for myself and my life, how can I fully accept the love and happiness that someone else is trying to show me? Blocking the love others have for you through negative thoughts and actions is one of the most common forms of self-sabotage I know. Why? Because I have self-sabotaged in this way on many occasions. I had been doing well for a while, but the negative thoughts have made subtle attempts to resurface. I am trying hard to keep them away.
I hope through me writing and a little self-care, I can bounce back and become myself again. Until then, I just wanted to send this message out to anyone who is going through something similar:
Everyone has moments when they don’t love themselves, or love something about themselves; but now is the time to either change it, or embrace it. Find a way to laugh in the rain; whether it be through song, dance, journaling, meditation, yoga, exercise; anything you can do to help you feel better about yourself.
Do the things that bring you the greatest joy. 🙂