I Don’t Know How to Feel

I sat down at my computer yesterday, trying to formulate some words about how I feel. There’s so much criticism in a person’s silence about the current issues were facing; the murder of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor and countless others that have suffered the horrific an unjustified and untimely death.

But, I want you all to know: please do not assume a person’s silence as them not caring, or caring about one thing over another. Your focus can be on more than one thing at a time, and priorities and attention can be placed in several different places at once.

I wrote these very short words, hopeful that it can express a lot of what some of us cannot put into words or feelings right now.

The only thing constant in the world is change; but for us, the world isn’t changing.

There’s still discimination, there’s still racism, there’s still prejudice, and there’s still death.

We’re still numb from so much pain and injustice; never finding peace or time to take a breath before another tragedy has stricken us to the core.

We find in the headlines yet another face, another name, another man, woman, or child.

They were taken from this world, a cold and cruel one that just gets colder and crueler as the days go on.

So many names; so many faces.

So many tears, laced with so much fear.

Worry, sorrow, pain, rage, anger.

It’s hard to cope when emotions like these overwhelm us.

The kind of emotions that keep you awake at night.

The kind of emotions that make you want to scream.

The kind of emotions that make you want to cry for days until there are no more tears left to shed.

The kind of emotions that make you so numb, that feelings become obsolete.

Something has to change; but my fear is a deep one.

Maybe we’re yelling to loud for anyone to comprehend our cries for help, peace, justice, equality.

Or maybe we’re still too silenced to be significant….

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