Now that our daughter is three years old, it is not very often that time goes by when someone is asking my husband and I this one aching question:
“When are y’all going to have another baby???
Jokingly, we always tell them a number of different answers:
- “I don’t know”
- “When you start helping pay for 2 children”
The third one always gets laughter out of most; however, that is possibly the most serious out of the three answers. While I appreciate everyone’s desire for us to have another bundle of joy, it is definitely a big decision to make right now, especially with a child not quite in school. There are also so many other things to consider, that it is definitely in the conversation, but I’m a person of timing and planning; and despite people telling me in my past you can’t prepare and plan for a child, I believe after the first baby, you can plan on how and when you want to have your second, third, etc.
Having a child has to be the most beautiful blessing I’ve had in my life by far. Watching my child grow up everyday is truly is amazing. On the other side of that, I do notice times when she longs for a sibling. She does have her cousin with her, who is 8 days younger than her; however, she is also getting to the age where she is also asking her mommy and daddy for a baby brother and sister, and also claiming friends as her own siblings. I haven’t read up on it, but I’m sure somewhere, that may be a sign of a child wanting a sibling, lol.
I know I’m not alone in this; I know several married couples who get a similar question, but simply put, most people who are watching you live your life, become successful and prosperous want to see that next milestone, and to them that means children in their eyes. I know several people who hate having the question asked of them, and others who don’t quite mind it as much.
There are some circumstances in which I don’t mind the question; when it comes from my family because I know they are comfortable with our overall decision to plan this out strategically for our family; however, that doesn’t stop them from getting that grandma-auntie-cousin itch for a new bundle of joy in the family. It’s understandable, but all things will happen in God’s timing.
I do believe in either situation, there are things that people should definitely consider when pressuring a married couple to have children. We all are aware that that is the next step in life; however, everyone’s circumstance is different. I beg of you to proceed with this question with caution and consideration for that couple’s situation. I don’t personally ask anyone when they are having a baby because of several things:
- The woman may not be able to conceive or may be having fertility issues
- They may simply not want children of their own, and some find it offensive
- They may not be in a comfortable place financially or professionally to expand their family (no matter what we say, I still believe that some level of financial and career stability is needed prior to having children)
- Some couples would rather spend as much time doing what they want to do, before having a child; because we all know children add a layer of complexity to our social lives and free time.
I can assure that the greater majority of the population would love to have children; however, there are a lot of factors that come into preparing your life for a baby, no matter what society may tell you, even before the actual conception. Allow your married friends time to ensure they are ready to start their family, and don’t pressure them to do it on your time.