Happy Birthday.

My child,

Please forgive me, for I may not always do my best by you, but I would give my life for yours at a moments notice.

I may not always know the rhythm of your existence, but I will dance beside you anyway.

My timing may be skewed; when you need me I may be distant and when you seek independence I may hover,

But know it is because the beat of my heart changed to match yours on that sunny afternoon in April.

You may find it odd that I stare at you for countless minutes while you sleep.

Or want to hold you even when you don’t want to be held,

But I know that you will live on past me so I need to take any opportunity as a chance to make memories with you.

So when I’m gone, you can always have our moments to put on repeat in your mind.

I knew you would always be a part of the reason I lived, so I tried to make better efforts in your name.

I hope one day you can look back and say you were proud of me, that you were honored that God made us soul mates.

When I watch you, you know, those times when you don’t notice me watching you,

I wonder if God made a mistake.

Did He really believe I was able to handle the amount of love I have for you in this lifetime?

Because my one fear in this world is that I won’t have enough time..

I won’t have enough time to give you every ounce of the love I have for you in this lifetime.

I only pray that I tell you I love you enough.

I hope that I hug you enough,

That I give you enough kisses,

That I make you laugh enough.

And even if I gave you enough of all of these things to last 5 lifetimes, I would still feel like I need to do it all just one more time for good measure.

I don’t know if there’s enough love to go around after you’ve stolen my heart.

As I watch you, even when you don’t notice me watching you.

Praying that you know that I’ll always love more than my soul could possibly take.

My child,

Always remember that our love is the happy place that I’ve longed for,

And I pray one day you will know this love all your own.

K.N.C

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Stressed.

With every headline, I get more and more stressed.

I wonder if my daughter will be safe in school.

I wonder if my husband will be safe anywhere.

I wonder if I will be safe anywhere.

Everything going on around us, just breeds more and more disdain and leads to a level of skepticism that anything will ever change.

This is only 2018, there’s so much more life to live.

All we can do, is pray through it.

Dear Radiant,

You seemed to have quite a glow about you this month! Was there something different about you?  New hair?  New clothes?  Nah, just an overall new me!

First off, you’ve been a lot more centered than usual; attribute that to your new meditation schedule that you’ve started (going on 60 days consecutively twice a day now; so pat yourself on the back for that lol).  You’re slowly getting back into your fitness routine, which may not be a daily thing, but it is slowly coming back around.  Practice always makes perfect, and one day you will get there.  There have just been some great things going on in your life, and it’s just made things become so much better for your; overall, you should be very proud of yourself 🙂 .

For the first time in a long time, there was actually nothing to complain about this month, which is very rare.  Looking back on these 28 days, there is nothing more that you could ask for.  You had your usual life and adulating stressors, and some not so good moments (but it wouldn’t be life if there weren’t any good moments, right?); but there have been so many good moment than there have been bad.  There have also been so many more moments where you have laughed more than you cried.  All in all, you couldn’t have asked for a better month to celebrate a great life.  Cheers to February 2018!

Sometimes We All Need a Break, Even Your Kid!

Despite what others may think, it is perfectly normal for you and your children to want some time apart from one another.  Just like any other relationship, kids get sick of their parents, and parents get sick of always being around their children.  I believe this is why we take advantage of the opportunities when our children are sent to be with family.
A couple of weeks ago, my father picked up my daughter and nephew for a couple days.  For my sister, it’s partially a relief (she still has two more boys with her), but for my husband and I, we couldn’t have been more elated to get some alone time, and also give our daughter some time to see my father, so I’m sure she was just as excited to get away from us as well, lol.
Whenever I tell someone that I take every opportunity to let my daughter stay with a family member or go spend a week with someone, they always ask me how I am able to do it so easily.  I’m not going to sit here and say that I just pawn her off to every family member at the drop of a hat; but I am also not going to say that I am a complete mess while she is gone.  I believe it’s a combination of things.
First, knowing and trusting whoever she is with, helps ease the mind a bit.  I don’t have to put my parents or grandparents on a hawk eye’s watch with my child, because I trust them and know that they would take care of her just as well (if not better possibly, lol) whenever she is with them.  I mean, they took care of me and my husband, and we turned out ok, right?
Secondly, I know my daughter gets sick and tired of looking at her parents all the time and wants to visit with other family; and that is perfectly normal and ok.  People do not understand that children are humans as well.  They do not always want to be up under their parents all the time, just like their parents don’t want to be up under them, LOL.  That’s why it is beneficial to always have a support system around that your kids know and love as well, to give them a mini vacation every now and then also.  My daughter would always go on trips, have sleepovers and hang out with family, because I knew that would give her time to spend time with loved ones and friends and if she ever got the opportunity to do so, I would give it to her.
Third, ALL PARENTS NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES!  I love my daughter to the ends of this Earth, but it doesn’t mean I don’t need a break as well.  And there is nothing wrong with you needing a break from parenting.  Being a parent is one of my greatest joys, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world; however, that doesn’t mean that if someone didn’t give me the opportunity to have a kid-free vacation, I wouldn’t take it!  There’s only so much one can take when you’re constantly in “mommy” or “daddy” mode for a good portion of your day.  Adults need to step outside of that bubble and get some adult human interaction as well.
We can be the best parents God set us out to be, but that does not mean we do not still deserve the opportunities to enjoy life.  There are times when we enjoy the great wonders of life with our children, and also times that are meant to enjoy moments of life with other adults.  Just like I need time to enjoy being an adult, my daughter needs time to enjoy seeing her family, and being a kid.  I give her every opportunity to interact with other kids and other family, and it gives us just enough time to miss each other, so once we are back together again, we can enjoy each other’s presence again!

That Question We All Love to Hate

Now that our daughter is three years old, it is not very often that time goes by when someone is asking my husband and I this one aching question:
“When are y’all going to have another baby???
Jokingly, we always tell them a number of different answers:
  • “I don’t know”
  • “Soon”
  • “When you start helping pay for 2 children”
The third one always gets laughter out of most; however, that is possibly the most serious out of the three answers.  While I appreciate everyone’s desire for us to have another bundle of joy, it is definitely a big decision to make right now, especially with a child not quite in school. There are also so many other things to consider, that it is definitely in the conversation, but I’m a person of timing and planning; and despite people telling me in my past you can’t prepare and plan for a child, I believe after the first baby, you can plan on how and when you want to have your second, third, etc.
Having a child has to be the most beautiful blessing I’ve had in my life by far.  Watching my child grow up everyday is truly is amazing.  On the other side of that, I do notice times when she longs for a sibling.  She does have her cousin with her, who is 8 days younger than her; however, she is also getting to the age where she is also asking her mommy and daddy for a baby brother and sister, and also claiming friends as her own siblings.  I haven’t read up on it, but I’m sure somewhere, that may be a sign of a child wanting a sibling, lol.
I know I’m not alone in this; I know several married couples who get a similar question, but simply put, most people who are watching you live your life, become successful and prosperous want to see that next milestone, and to them that means children in their eyes. I know several people who hate having the question asked of them, and others who don’t quite mind it as much.
There are some circumstances in which I don’t mind the question; when it comes from my family because I know they are comfortable with our overall decision to plan this out strategically for our family; however, that doesn’t stop them from getting that grandma-auntie-cousin itch for a new bundle of joy in the family.  It’s understandable, but all things will happen in God’s timing.
I do believe in either situation, there are things that people should definitely consider when pressuring a married couple to have children.  We all are aware that that is the next step in life; however, everyone’s circumstance is different.  I beg of you to proceed with this question with caution and consideration for that couple’s situation.  I don’t personally ask anyone when they are having a baby because of several things:
  1. The woman may not be able to conceive or may be having fertility issues
  2. They may simply not want children of their own, and some find it offensive
  3. They may not be in a comfortable place financially or professionally to expand their family (no matter what we say, I still believe that some level of financial and career stability is needed prior to having children)
  4. Some couples would rather spend as much time doing what they want to do, before having a child; because we all know children add a layer of complexity to our social lives and free time.
I can assure that the greater majority of the population would love to have children; however, there are a lot of factors that come into preparing your life for a baby, no matter what society may tell you, even before the actual conception.  Allow your married friends time to ensure they are ready to start their family, and don’t pressure them to do it on your time. 😃

Back Burner Blues

Have you ever noticed how hard you work for the ones you love; so hard that sometimes you don’t put that same energy into yourself? 

This is a disease I like to call “putting yourself on the back burner.”  I remember seeing my mom do it several times with my sister and I growing up; and I can now see myself doing it with my family.  I believe the disease is genetic, lol. 

Far too often, most of us are the most selfless humans in the world and we don’t even know it.  We go through life pleasing and meeting everyone’s needs but our own. Why is that?  Why is it that people strive so hard to do good things for others, but never take the time to do good things for ourselves? 

I can admit that I am horribly guilty of this.  I will move mountains for other people, get them whatever their hearts desires; but when it comes to me? Nothing.  I noticed this when I was shopping one weekend.  Something so simple as buying something for myself, I find every excuse not to.  Now, if my husband sees something in the store that he wants, I will make note of it and do what I can to get it for him to make him happy.  If we are in the children’s section, I’m dropping coins on the kid with no problem. See how weird that is? EXACTLY! Lol.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that there is nothing wrong with treating myself to things just as often (if not more) as everyone else I love.  I think this comes with adulting; once you realize there are others who need you, you know that leaves less and less time to treat yourself to the things that give you all the feels. I have to work on this; I assume that the older I get, the better I’ll do with it. 

We shall see.