My first time watching Iyanla Fix My Life was on 5/20 (yea yea I know), when she attempted to fix the lives of a mother and her six children. For the sake of spoilers, I won’t go into a long detailed account of everything I saw, but I will say that they had a host of deep issues that left me wondering if they would ever find the path towards forgiveness and healing. I sat on my couch, phone in hand along with my fellow #BlackTwitter family as we hashtagged our way through this episode of drama, with our mouths gaping open in shock at all the tea being spilled.
As I was watching, Iyanla said something that I had realized I often thought about it and learned myself recently (which also left me wondering why on earth I had been missing out on these gems for so long). So, Iyanla screams out in her voice in only a way that she could:
“You cannot get someone to agree with your experience.”
Whoa. Issa word.
This was pretty interesting quote and I have to say it stuck with me for some time now. I took some time to really think about how much I had done the very thing this daughter was trying to do with her mother; make her understand and feel what she had gone through, even when it was clear that her mother was going to disagree with her at every turn. When reflecting on my own personal experiences with this, I had learned the hard way that just because I was experiencing something in my life and had my personal emotional opinion about it doesn’t mean that everyone is going to be on board with me.
Sometimes, you are going to be alone in your feelings. There will be times that you will not have a soul who is for you and how you feel, and you have to be ok with that. Your goal is not to badger and fight your way into people seeing your point. Your goal is to not push and project your emotions onto others. The best thing you can do is express to someone how you feel, and hope that they understand and can provide some level of empathy, but it doesn’t mean that they will always agree.
Focusing your attention into making someone understand how your experience was with something may not give you the desired result; because oftentimes, we want that person to feel how we felt, understand our anger/rage/sadness; and sometimes, they still have no remorse for us. So what have you gained in all putting all that energy in forcing your experience onto someone? Not. A. Thing.
I notice that sometimes Iyanla may not always have the best approach to delivering her mesage, but on this episode, she spoke a word to me, and it’s something that even in my own life I have to remember to carry with me at times. You have to remember that people will not always agree with what you’ve been through; you can only pray that the person you reach out to for comfort is willing to show empathy and understanding to your situation.