As we go through life and its many stages (adulthood, dating, marriage, children) it’s so easy to wish that we were back to the “good old days” when we are hit with rough times or life just becomes too “adult” for us to handle. I know I have experienced this several times (I mean, who hasn’t?! Lol).
At this very moment in life, I am a mother to an 18 month old, and a wife of 3 years. My time and energy is demanded at every turn and I have a ton of new responsibilities and guidelines to live by, rather than when I was in college. One thing that I am not ashamed to admit that I struggle with, is carving out the time for myself. You can read plenty of articles and blog posts about how ‘me-time’ is needed and required, but how do you find the time? Here lies my conundrum.
Sometimes, I battle with actually talking about this to people; because for some, it can come off as you low-key saying that you don’t want the responsibilities you have. The response to that usually is “well, YOU CHOSE to get married”, or “YOU CHOSE to want to have a baby!” Now, am I saying that I regret or hate the choices I made? NO! My husband and daughter are both the best parts of me and I give them all the love I possibly have to give, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t long for the days where I had a little time carved out for me. I have fallen victim to overwhelming guilt at times also when I am reading or working on my writing, because I feel like I should be cleaning my house or playing with my daughter or something other than taking some time to relax. It’s hard to tell yourself that you cannot lose yourself in your responsibilities, but sometimes it happens, and there’s no time for yourself.
I thought I could be super-wife and super-mom and super-me and have all three work for me when I wanted them to happen; truth is, you can’t have all three at once. I can’t want to fulfill my wifely duties, and my mommy duties, and still try to make time for myself in one day sometimes. I was trying to find ways to be able to spend time with my daughter, spend time with my husband, go to the gym and engage is some activity for myself (whether it be reading, doing some writing, or any leisure activity I want to do that day), and there just aren’t enough hours in the day to get it all accomplished if I want a decent amount of time to sleep, lol. So I have to learn to make time when I have the opportunity.
Sometimes, I may stay up later than usual, because I want to write and I know the best time to do it is when my daughter has fallen asleep. I also have chosen to wake up early and get some reading done on a Saturday morning, because I know my husband likes to sleep in. Even if my daughter is up, she can either read a book of her own (or babble at the pictures lol), or watch one of her favorite shows while I get a few chapters in. I have learned that it is all about balance and sometimes, multi-tasking.
I also realized that I cannot allow anything to take me off my ‘me-time’ focus. If I tell myself I only have 45 minutes to do something totally for me, I need to capitalize on that; which means putting the phone away and minimizing the distractions for at least those 45 minutes. It definitely takes some practice, because I am a social network junkie (sad to admit but I love to watch other people’s drama), but if I am going to get some free moments in my day, I have to learn to take them because when my time is up, I am going to regret whatever I didn’t get to achieve.
All in all, I feel like sometimes we have to just make the time for us and tell ourselves that everything else can wait. Truth be told, if there was something that had to be done and it hasn’t been done all day, what’s 30-45 more minutes? It’s hard to think like that, but I think in order to not go completely insane, sometimes you have to take on that mindset. I know once I am able to get something done for me that I have been wanting to do for a long time, it makes me feel 10 times better, and when I have that down time, I can be a better wife and mother. I think the words I’m looking for here are: SELF-CARE! 🙂
I’m sure I am not the only one experiencing this, and I hope that if you are, that you have found a way to find your me-time. Super women like us really need it. Here’s to taking care of one’s self! 🙂