Good Friends or Bad Friends; Which One are You?

So, im still on my #50Days50Questions journey, and I came across a question that I felt compelled to discuss, since it has become somewhat of a hot topic in my life currently. Here is the question.

Am I a good friend? How so or not so?

I could be lying to myself; however, I feel like I am a very good friend. I feel this way mainly because being a good friend is something I take pride in. I am by no means perfect, and I’ve made some of the worst mistakes in some of the most important friendships; however, I’ve been blessed enough to continue to have them and I’ve learned valuable lessons from them. I learn so much from each person I call a friend, and I do my very best to treat them as they deserve to be treated.

Throughout my life, I’ve made many connections with people; some have been for the short-term, and others have been for the long haul. Most of the people I consider good friends I believe have the mutual feeling about me as well (at least I hope so lol). First, I’ll tell you what I feel constitutes a good friend:

  1. Honesty: I feel like this is a no-brainer. I mean, if you can’t be honest with someone, why be their friend? I’d much rather you be truthful and honest with me, than to lead me on in thinking one thing when it turns out to be another.
  2. Genuine concern: I believe another good trait to have in the “good friend” column is to always have genuine concern for those you call friends. I know sometimes I can seem a little annoying, but I love checking in on my loved ones and friends, especially when I know they aren’t going 100%. It’s partially a way that I show I’m there for them if they need me. I’m always down like four flats!
  3. A big heart: Having a big heart is also a sign of a great friend in my book; and it also is a sign of someone I know will have my back no matter what. I know a few people who may have the biggest hearts in the world; luckily, I’m glad to call them my best friends ❤️.

Now, with every positive aspect of life comes negativity in some regard; and there will always be disadvantages to being such a good friend to people and being perceived as such. I recently encountered a situation personally, that made a couple people tell me that I was being too good of a friend, based on how I was being treated; and that happens sometimes. It definitely made me reflect on how much I give to the ones I love and those who I consider some of my best friends.  I know I can give my hearts to them because in a reverse situation, they would do the same for me; and that’s something that’s important to me.  But, it also made me question if I was in fact TOO giving to those who I felt I was being a great friend to, who weren’t turning out to be so great to me..that was definitely a food for thought situation for me.

That situation taught me a valuable  lesson.  I had to finally tell myself that sometimes I do try to be a good friend to those who are not as good  to me, and sometimes those are  the people who don’t deserve some of the special treatment.  I’m not saying you have to be a complete bitch; however, you also  don’t have  to go completely out of your  way for someone  who is not showing their  appreciation, or not even acknowledging you in the first place.

I say all this to say  that I do feel like I am a good friend, but also I urge all of you who take the time to read this to look within yourselves to ask yourself  if YOU feel you are a good friend and if so, ask yourself the following:

  • What makes you a good friend?
  • If you answer no,  what can you do to become a better friend to your friends in question?
  • If you answer yes, do you feel you are being taken advantage of  as a good friend, and if so, how do you plan on addressing that with that person who’s  taking advantage of you; and could it be  time to re-evaluate that friendship?
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Self-Care Sunday Highlight: Lets Get Away…

This week’s highlight is dedicated to something I absolutely LOVE doing: Vacationing!

At some point, we all need a break; whether it be a stay-cation, a trip with a special someone, a boys/girls trip or a family vacation; everyone needs time to escape reality sometimes. That’s why taking a vacation is so important to your self-care.

Taking vacations allows you to get a couple of days away from the factors of life that are causing you the most stress. There’s nothing like getting away and clearing your mind so you can hit the “restart” button. You can get some much needed rest, you can relax and not worry about what’s going on at home for a little while and sometimes, that is the best feeling.

This summer I wasn’t able to take many vacations, which is what I like to do, but I am definitely an advocate for it and I plan on taking a few in the fall! I love going on trips and I take full advantage of them when I got. I don’t talk about work, or things that are bothering me; I just spend those precious moments laughing and having timeless fun.

This week, if you’re able, schedule yourself a vacation, or look up somewhere you’ve wanted to go and start planning a vacation. They are well-deserved and much needed! Plan a trip and focus all of your attention on having fun and forgetting about all of your troubles (at least for a couple of days).

#50Days50Questions: Happy is….

What and who makes me happy?

My daughter’s laughter.  My husband’s unconditional love and support.  My mother’s tough love.  My sister’s strength and faith.  My grandmother’s presence.  My nephews resilience.  My best friend’s support.

My endless collection of books.  My favorite set of G2 pens.  My notebook.  My USB flash drives (even though my best friend says I need an external hard drive LMAO).  My meditation balls.  My oil diffuser.  The 20 minutes of meditation I take in the morning.  Working out in the morning.

Eating healthy.  Coffee.  Wine.  Whiskey.  Mimosas on Saturdays and Sundays.

Headphone blasting.  Migos.  SZA.  2 Chainz.  Drake.  Cardi B.  Beyonce.  Jay-Z.  The Friend Zone.  The Read.  Gettin’ Grown.  #BlackTwitter.  Snapchat.  Instagram.  Love & Hip Hop.  Insecure.  #TGIT.  Basketball.  Football.  SVU.  Blackish. Empire.

Love. Laugher. Smiling. Positive vibes.  Energy.  Growth.  Success.  Wealth.  Prosperity.  Faith.

Life.

These are a few of my favorite things…

Self-Care Sunday Highlight: Being Selfish

Now I know some may not agree, but I feel that sometimes I feel amazing when I can be a little selfish! 🙂

When is the last time you did something completely selfish?

When was the last time you went out shopping with the intention of buying something for you (no matter how small the purchase)?

When is the last time you had some uninterrupted time to sit around and tell people you just didn’t want to be bothered with their foolishness?

I know it sounds a little selfish and mean….well it’s supposed to; because we all need to have a selfish moment sometimes!

Sometimes, we get so wrapped up in being giving and willing to be there for the ones we love that we forget to spoil the most important person; yourself!  How can you be the person you need to be for your family, your spouse, your child; if you’re not giving yourself some much needed self-care and attention??

This week, go spoil yourself, please! Be selfish. Tell someone no. Go buy yourself something nice.  Go turn your phone off and take a nap.  Go on a road trip. Do something completely selfish and don’t feel guilty about it because you deserve it!

#50Days50Questions: A Lesson Learned 

What are some important things I have learned in life?

Everyday, I learn something new; whether it be good or bad.  The best thing I can do is take everything in stride and take the experiences as they come to me as they are.  Lessons are just that, and they come into our lives to teach and make us better human beings.  So, here are a few things I have learned thus far in this crazy thing I call, life:

  • You can’t spend your entire life pleasing everyone; you will end up spinning your wheels.
  • Worry about what’s going on in your own life, instead of worrying about others; entertaining foolishness is only a recipe for insanity.
  • When you’re at your worst and your best, you will know who your real family and friends are.
  • Being you is the best person to be in this life.  If people can’t accept you for who you are, they don’t deserve you.

Becoming Powerful Beyond Measure

A great post and challenge! I wonder how many questions I can answer in 50 days???#Hmmmm 

As Told by Sid

The space I am in is foreign; this space is new. I feel free. I’m intrigued by who I am and interested in who I was & who I want to be. What better time than now? I wanted to challenge myself, but not force myself by doing too much. I also wanted to be able to document my thoughts today, so that I could look back months from now to see my growth. That really was how I came to start this blog. So, I did a google search and came across an article, 50 Questions for Self-Discovery.

When you know yourself, you are empowered.
When you accept yourself, you are invincible.
– Tina Lifford

When I read that, I instantly said, “challenge accepted.” For 50 days (from June 1st to July 20th), I am going to blog every day – EVERY SINGLE…

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Self-Care Sunday Highlight: NO!

How many times do you say no to someone when you don’t want to do something?

Are you the person all of your friends and family go to, because of your innate ability to always tell them ‘yes’?

We all inherit this nasty habit, don’t we?  We say yes to things we really don’t want to say yes to; sometimes, even before we can catch our lips to form the word.  We get sucked into commitments and promises we know we don’t want to keep; and why?  Because we are afraid of one simple answer, NO.

The word no really holds so much power, but it’s one of the simplest words to say.  A word that holds so much speculation, judgement and undertone, that it’s almost fearful in some ways.  So fearful, that most times, even my mentality towards it is “I’ll just say yes, because I don’t want to hear the drama that comes with me saying ‘no’.”

Now, I’m not saying that our friends and family are intentionally mean and hateful towards us if we tell them no; and I am not saying that we are saying yes to every single thing because we truly fear telling them no.  There are plenty of things that I understand and am comfortable saying no to.  And my family members are  aware and comfortable with me saying no to them if there is something  I cannot do.   I am speaking from a place where if you are in a situation where you are NOT comfortable in your life with telling  the ones you love or your friends no, and there is hesitation in you telling someone this.  Let me tell you: SOMETIMES, YOU NEED TO SAY NO!

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Most times, people don’t understand that in order for you to be ok, sometimes you need to  say no.  You need to  take a break from helping others, and take times to help yourself.  It may not always be your first choice, but it may very well be a sacrifice or requirement of you.  And sometimes, when you have to say no, you end up being glad you did.  Saying no can sometimes be a life saver for you, and it shouldn’t be looked at as judgmental.

Everyone on this planet has the equal right to say no to things they don’t want to or don’t feel comfortable doing, and everyone’s comfort level is different.  For someone like me, I am always in a position that I am willing to give every ounce of myself to someone else before I leave anything for myself.  Because of this, when someone asks me something, I tend to tell them yes every time, even when I possibly should tell them no.

This week, take the time to focus on whether or not you truly should take on as much as people ask of you.  Ask yourself, “should I really say yes to this, or  can I say no?” Give yourself a break and say ‘no’ for once and give yourself a rest.