Marriage, By Any Other Name?

When I was younger, I dreamed of having a “perfect” marriages. A white dresses (which would have been the only time I wore a dress), black tuxedos, a bridesmaid line as long as the eye could see. As much of a tomboy that I was, this was going to possibly be the most feminine moment of my life (and to date, I would say it still is, lol).

Growing up, I only knew of one type of marriage; and that was one between a man and a woman, living together, raising kids, loving one another unconditionally. Now, admittedly, I did not see that ideal scenario throughout my entire childhood; however, there are moments that I do remember that I would wish would be similar to how I would live with my spouse.

What I have grown to realize and accept is that there are so many other forms of marriage or I would call them “partnerships”, other than what one would consider “traditional.” I’d also argue that the traditional style of marriage is possibly one of the least popular.

Love is not a deal breaker in marriages, despite many of our childhood beliefs. I used to think that love was the one and only thing you needed in order to know that you wanted to marry someone. Being in a relationship for 11 years, 6 and a half married, I have now come to the conclusion that it takes more than seeing sunshine days and butterflies in my stomach to make for a committed union. Nowadays, many people may marry for different reasons that go far beyond just love. People marry someone whom they see they can build a prosperous future with, some marry but do not hold their spouse to a more traditional form of fidelity; others marry and choose not to share a residence.

So, the questions comes to mind: Is this wrong? Are people sullying the sanctity of marriage by having so many unorthodox rules and no boundaries? Who’s to say what is the right answer to a question like this? I know for sure, I am not.

Personally, I won’t go on record stating that any way that a person chooses to live their life with their partner is wrong or right. I do not feel I am the authority on someone’s else’s life and their lifestyle. I say all this to say that in 2019, the world is a lot less judgmental and holding to standards of the past. It is interesting and very intriguing to see the evolution of specific relationships, as it pertains to how men and women choose to join with one another in a union. I find it doesn’t bother me at all; and if anything, it brings about the urge for more intense dialogue on that person’s perspective, to gain knowledge and understanding.

I have never been someone to judge anyone else’s union and how they choose to live. To me, what one may see as “wrong”, another may seem as a perfect lifestyle for themselves; and as an impartial and imperfect human being, I would never hold my standards or expectations on someone else and the way they choose to live their life.

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How to Stay Young When Your Relationship is Feeling Old

Being married for 5 years thus far has taught me a lot about myself, my spouse and the idea of marriage as a whole.  The one thing I have learned is that there are times when you can feel quite old in your relationship sometimes, and it is not the best feeling by any means.  Along with the growing pains of marriage, we all have gotten to a point in our marriage, where we can sometimes feel a lot older than we are.  There are a lot of contributing factors to this; jobs, kids, chores and other daily responsibilities in the house, bills, you name it!  When you’re thinking about all of these things, it is difficult to remember to keep your relationship young and fresh all the time.

Since I’m sure some of us have been in this predicament before, I also know that you would want to know how to fix it.  Well, I have thought of a few things that will make you feel young again, when your relationship is getting older and older by the minute.

Make time for one another: A lot of times, we mistake the time we are around our partners as “quality time” when in all reality, we are just existing around them while we continue to move on with everyday life.  It is worth taking actual time out to spend time connecting with your partner, and it will make all the difference.  Making time for your partner, that does not involve dealing with the children, washing the dishes together or focused on other obligations or activities is a good starting point for reviving the newness of your relationship.

Spontaneity: Have you ever wanted to surprise your partner with a random lunch date, a day trip to your favorite place close by, or even a kid-free, responsibility-free weekend out of the blue?  If so, then being spontaneous is for you.  Doing random things at the spur of the moment can bring life back into you and your relationship, because you are learning to let go and go with the flow with someone you truly know you can have a good time with.

Intimacy: Intimacy on all levels is a great way to rekindle the spark in your marriage.  Whether it is physical, emotional or even spiritual; having a level of intimacy in your relationship really helps improve your connection with one another.

Dating: And no, I don’t mean dating other people while in your relationship, LOL.  I believe that “dating” your significant other or spouse gets lost in the daily routine of married life.  With all the responsibilities and priorities, going on a romantic date may always seem to fall to the bottom of the list; and even if you try, there may be something that always comes up.  Scheduling and planning time to actually date again can really turn things around in your relationship.  It allows you to learn new things about your partner (maybe things that you did not even know or things that have newly developed over the years), and it can be fun “getting to know” your partner all over again.

All of these steps and many more are guaranteed to make you have a differnt outlook on your relationship, if you feel like the newness is starting to wear off, and you both are getting comfortable.  Trying out new things is almost like dating all over again; before the commitments, babies, jobs, bills, etc.  If you truly find excitement in making your relationship feel young and new again, focus on these four items to really enhance your relaltionship and take you both on significant and meaningful journey towards a happy, healthy relationship.

Friends (of the opposite sex): How Many of us Have Them?

I saw an interesting Twitter conversation the other day, regarding married or involved couples, who have friends of the opposite sex.  It was something I definitely wanted to shed some light on and thought it would be an interesting for me to write about.  The question that arose was, is having friends of the opposite sex this appropriate or inappropriate while you are married/in a serious relationship?

I decided to tackle this from both sides of the coin and invite my husband to render his opinion on the matter and with his permission, post his answer to my blog.  I was very interested in getting his insight on the subject.

Continue reading “Friends (of the opposite sex): How Many of us Have Them?”

Remember Why You Loved Them in the First Place :)

So, picture it:

You meet a guy (or girl), they sweep you off your feet.  They do the whole nine; buys you “just-because-it’s-Tuesday flowers, opens your door, pulls out your chair, cooks you fancy meals, lavish date nights, appearance is flawless, etc.  You get totally pampered and cherished while dating this person, and begin to become more and more exclusive with this person.  Weeks, months, years start to pass by and the relationship has truly blossomed into more than you ever imagined.

Then, all of a sudden….everything starts to slowly dwindle away.  The flowers are few and far between, you are pulling out your own chair for dinner, the fancy meals start to look more and more like take-out and date nights might happen on a full moon, but don’t count on it.

Continue reading “Remember Why You Loved Them in the First Place :)”

How Did I Become the Third Wheel?!?!?

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Photo Cred: askmen.com

I was listening to the radio one morning and an awesome topic was being discussed. I couldnt wait to get to my computer to post my two cents about it lol!

So, picture it.

You’re calling up your closest girlfriend or guy friend to hang out one night; nothing too fancy, just a night out with old friends.  It’s probably something that  isn’t as easy to do or a common event in your new adult life (what with having a full time job, bills and who knows how many other respinsibilites). Anywho, you are ready to hang out with your bestie and you are sure it will be the best night out in a while.  When your friend shows up, they bring their spouse along for the outing.  You know their spouse, but not well enough to let your hair down and let your true colors show.  So now, it’s gotten really awkward….

What do you do?!?!

Continue reading “How Did I Become the Third Wheel?!?!?”