Sometimes We All Need a Break, Even Your Kid!

Despite what others may think, it is perfectly normal for you and your children to want some time apart from one another.  Just like any other relationship, kids get sick of their parents, and parents get sick of always being around their children.  I believe this is why we take advantage of the opportunities when our children are sent to be with family.
A couple of weeks ago, my father picked up my daughter and nephew for a couple days.  For my sister, it’s partially a relief (she still has two more boys with her), but for my husband and I, we couldn’t have been more elated to get some alone time, and also give our daughter some time to see my father, so I’m sure she was just as excited to get away from us as well, lol.
Whenever I tell someone that I take every opportunity to let my daughter stay with a family member or go spend a week with someone, they always ask me how I am able to do it so easily.  I’m not going to sit here and say that I just pawn her off to every family member at the drop of a hat; but I am also not going to say that I am a complete mess while she is gone.  I believe it’s a combination of things.
First, knowing and trusting whoever she is with, helps ease the mind a bit.  I don’t have to put my parents or grandparents on a hawk eye’s watch with my child, because I trust them and know that they would take care of her just as well (if not better possibly, lol) whenever she is with them.  I mean, they took care of me and my husband, and we turned out ok, right?
Secondly, I know my daughter gets sick and tired of looking at her parents all the time and wants to visit with other family; and that is perfectly normal and ok.  People do not understand that children are humans as well.  They do not always want to be up under their parents all the time, just like their parents don’t want to be up under them, LOL.  That’s why it is beneficial to always have a support system around that your kids know and love as well, to give them a mini vacation every now and then also.  My daughter would always go on trips, have sleepovers and hang out with family, because I knew that would give her time to spend time with loved ones and friends and if she ever got the opportunity to do so, I would give it to her.
Third, ALL PARENTS NEED A BREAK SOMETIMES!  I love my daughter to the ends of this Earth, but it doesn’t mean I don’t need a break as well.  And there is nothing wrong with you needing a break from parenting.  Being a parent is one of my greatest joys, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in this world; however, that doesn’t mean that if someone didn’t give me the opportunity to have a kid-free vacation, I wouldn’t take it!  There’s only so much one can take when you’re constantly in “mommy” or “daddy” mode for a good portion of your day.  Adults need to step outside of that bubble and get some adult human interaction as well.
We can be the best parents God set us out to be, but that does not mean we do not still deserve the opportunities to enjoy life.  There are times when we enjoy the great wonders of life with our children, and also times that are meant to enjoy moments of life with other adults.  Just like I need time to enjoy being an adult, my daughter needs time to enjoy seeing her family, and being a kid.  I give her every opportunity to interact with other kids and other family, and it gives us just enough time to miss each other, so once we are back together again, we can enjoy each other’s presence again!
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When Adulting Got Real

So, I saw this question posed on Twitter and decided it would be a good question for me to answer in the form of a blog post. So many times, we hear young millennials say “I can’t wait ’til I’m grown”; and quite frankly, I can remember a time when not so long ago, I was saying it myself. Now here I am, grown, and wishing I was a teenager again without all these adult responsibilities! I mean, what was I thinking?!

So the question posed on Twitter was this:

“what or when was the specific moment in life when you felt like an adult?”

My answer would have to be the first time I paid an electric bill in the winter time. It sounds very silly to say, but that moment was a teachable moment for me, because I learned a few things:

  • How to strategize keeping my temperature in my house reasonable to save money (energy saving techniques and whatnot)
  • How electric companies gouge prices in the winter time (because that’s really all they’re doing in the end smh)
  • Why my mother was so adamant about me NOT touching the thermostat after she set it (LOL)

Now, I had been handling bills on my own (or with roommates rather) for a while at that time, but never really realized just how serious a winter-time electric bill could be until this moment. I knew adulthood had gotten real and after I had a stern conversation with the electric company, I knew right then how to play the game so I wouldn’t get played again.

It may have been a normal, or minimal moment for some who have been through this before, but for me, this was my moment of truth to say “yo, I’m an adult; and this is about to get real!” Lol. It was quite a learning experience for me and it was amazing now that I look back on that one memory and am amazed at the few valuable lessons it taught me about some of the most simple things in life. 🙂

What about you; what moment in your life solidified adulthood for you?

Podcastin’

Do you all listen to podcasts? Last year, I would say is when I started getting real heavy into having a rotation of podcasts that I listen to on a regular basis. I don’t watch much TV outside of my ratchet Mondays, and TGIT; so I’ve been substituting listening to podcasts on some days instead of watching tv when nothing is on. When I look at my Podcast app, I’ve developed quite a healthy rotation, so I decided to do a spotlight on each of my faves for you guys! Here goes!

  • The Read

The Read is at the top of the list because it was the first podcast I came across  to start listening to when I wanted to get into podcasts.  I had heard about them on Twitter and decided to give them a shot.  That was over a year ago and I haven’t looked back.  Kid Fury and  Crissle are truly my best friends in my  head and listening to them is  like sitting around on the couch on a friday night drinking and talking about all the bullcrap that goes on in the world.  From pop culture to politics, if you want to hear a good unfiltered and unedited opinion on how they feel about something, make sure you’re downloading The Read’s episode every  Thursday.

  • The Friend Zone

Because who in the hell wants a musty brain? As soon as I found out Crissle and Fran  had friends with a podcast, I blindly subscribed to it; not knowing what I was getting into.  Little did I know I  stumbled upon another gem!  The Friend Zone is my mental escape and the place where I get ideas about my mental wellness with Fran, new music with Assante and get the recap on whatever has happened on tv that week with Dustin. Fran, Dustin and Assante are just what I need to get a good laugh in when I’m having a rough week and will clue you into some amazing perspective about life that you never thought about.

  • Gettin’ Grown

When Gettin’ Grown came out and I heard the concept, I thought, “this is EXACTLY what I need to be listening to!” Gettin’ Grown is your weekly sit down at the kitchen table with Jade and Keia, as we discuss the struggle through this thing we call adulting, and how many of us are barely getting it right! Despite the hurdles, Jade and Keia are there every week to give advice and personal experience on how to get us through.  They highlight people who own their own businesses or who are out  here slayin’ life, we  sit down  at the kitchen table  for some  real life discussion, have a good laugh at some of the petty peeves  in our lives and even highlight  some of our  favorite self-care techniques!  Gettin’ Grown is a podcast that everyone who has crossed into the adulting  threshhold needs to  listen to just to know that you aren’t  the only one  who has a hard time getting  life all the way together!

  • Jade and XD

Jade and XD is my random podcast.  There is usually a topic with Jade and XD, but  most times, I listen to them because a lot of it feels very sporadic and feels like random Friday night conversation after a long and  exhausting week at work.  It feels like you can pull up to the mic with them, pour up a drink and join the conversation.

  • Levar Burton Reads

I just recently started listening to Levar Burton Reads after listening to an episode of The Read in which  he was a guest on and he talked about his podcast.  I decided to check it out for a couple reasons; 1) I wanted to expand the genre of  stories I was into, 2) I am trying to get into this audiobook thing and what better way to start than through a podcast dedicated to listening to Levar Burton read stories?!

  • hey, girl

hey, girl  is  a podcast that I listen to to weekly sometimes as my self-care.  The podcast is made up of different interviews conducted by alex elle with different  women  from  all w alks of life.  Each woman sits down and  discusses a different topic;  from  divorce,  to m ental h ealth,  to activism, to trying to conceive.  These women have chosen to open up and have some of the tough conversations and open up like you wouldn’t believe.

These are the top 6  podcasts I am in love with right now, and probably won’t ever stop listening to!

What about you guys, what podcasts do you all listen to?? Leave a comment and let me know!!

A Lesson on Lying…

As a child, there’s always something that you’re getting in trouble for or known for in your family that will live on in infamy.  My pitfall?  Lying.  My mother would tell you I used to lie relentlessly.  I would lie like it was a language I was fluent in.  She would ask me a question so simple, and a lie would roll off my tongue like water.  It was bad, y’all.  The worst part was I usually got caught in my lie, and didn’t lie very well; which led to tons of yelling, disappointment and a good helping of corporal punishment (or what some of us like to call a good ass whooping).

Image result for lying memes and gifs

Now that I am clear into my adulthood, I often look back and wonder why I lied so much?  Why was it so easy to tell my mother I liked an outfit that I really didn’t; causing her to spend money she didn’t have to spend?  Why was it simple enough to tell her I was doing well in school when really I was almost failing two classes?  Why did it appear to be lesser of the two evils to tell her what I knew she wanted to hear, as opposed to telling her the truth when I knew one thing she hated most in life was a liar?

Did I want her to hate me?  No.  I wanted her to love me.  I wanted to be a child who didn’t always get in trouble; and in my eyes, the real truth meant trouble.  So to eliminate that, I decided to lie about some of the simplest things, which ultimately led to me getting in more trouble than I had originally would have been in (the irony).

Truth is, lying has been glorified to some degree as a means to show how much you love someone.  I can’t remember exactly which movie this came from, but I remember someone saying “I lie because I care enough to spare your feelings!” *insert major side-eye here*. Yea, I hear that now and it sounds like crap.  Lying to someone who’s only wish of you is to be honest with them is silly.  I clearly grew up learning this the hard way, as I seemed to not believe this until I got older.

Anytime I wanted to tell the truth, I thought that I would feel the unholy wrath of my mother far worse than if I told a lie.  I figured a lie would buy me some time in the “good child” department, so I went that route; only to find out that the punishment on the lying side of life was just as brutal, if not worse than the consequences for telling the truth!  I couldn’t win for losing.

Image result for Lies meme

One day, when I transitioned into “grown-up with bills and adulting struggles”,  I realized a shocking truth about moms; you’re allowed to disagree with them, and they won’t slap you in the mouth! Lol.  There used to be a time in my life where being blatantly honest with my mother scared the hell out of me; I imagined a thorough lecture on how I wasn’t “grown” and then it possibly end in some form of physical discipline.  That was something I just wasn’t down to hear.  Now, I can easily tell my mother the God’s honest truth about something and she won’t care (usually this means she will still do what she wants anyway, but at least I didn’t have to lie to her, lol).  I must say, telling the truth is a lot less stressful than telling lies, which I thought would be my lifelong occupation, lol.

My only fear is that I didn’t conform in time, and my daughter will inherit this nasty lying trait that her mother once had.  I have a feeling karma is coming in all its glory for me, and I am not ready.   Truth be told, she already accuses me of things I haven’t done and I wonder, “Is this it, God?  Is this the chapter of our lives when we go through lying?  But she’s so young!  I thought I had more time!” Smh.  This is life I suppose.

So, for all you pre-adolescent, adolescents and teenagers out there; love your moms.  Be honest with them because they would rather you be honest, than have them go through all this trouble for something that wasn’t even true.  Trust me, I’ve lived to tell the tale.

Despite what you may think, honesty really is the best policy. 🙂

-Whit C.