A Second Chance at a Better Relationship

Everyone deserves second chances and new opportunities to make things better.  I’ve been awarded more second chances in life than I can count; and definitely more than I probably deserved.  As I reflect on the things that I have been through, I can’t help but be grateful for the second chances I have had or have given, because they’ve been beneficial.

When I was younger, I thought that my father and I would have one of the greatest relationships in the world.  We enjoy the same things (and still do I’m sure), and in some ways are pretty similar in action and personality.  I never thought the relationship I have, would be the one that would manifest into my adult life.  I thought it would have been better, but situations and circumstances occurred; and as a result, my father and I did not have the best relationship growing up.

I used to be ashamed to say that I didn’t have a decent relationship with my father.  There have been years of unspoken words and lost time between us; and it was hard to admit at first.  As I’ve grown, I’ve realized that things between us are not the best, but they are a lot better than they have been. 

There was a level of pain that came with the lack of connection with my father.  It hurt to not be able to have that bond with my father, but I was stubborn as well (a trait I inherited from my mother, lol).  I was playing this “I’m the child, and he should come to me” role; and truthfully, I feel in some ways that ship has sailed.  Yes, there were things that my father did to me or made me feel that he should probably make the first move in rectifying, but as far as us communicating on a better spectrum, I am old enough to pick up my phone and talk to my dad if I choose.  I don’t need my mother to encourage me, nor do I need him to make the first move.  I own a phone, I am grown, I know how to talk; if I want to make the first move, there is nothing wrong with that.

When I had my daughter, I saw an opportunity for a second chance for both of us to get it right.  It gave us a starting point for something to talk about. I started by telling him how she was doing and upgraded to sending pictures whenever he asked about her and us.  

This week, for the first time, he is spending an entire week with her where he lives.  I was nervous at first; moreso for Kynnedy being in a place she’s never been before.  After stressing about it for weeks, I decided to start talking about it with her and she became very excited about seeing him.  I told my dad all he would need to know about a week with Kynnedy, and soon enough, everyone was excited about it.

It had taken me a long time to get to this point; letting my dad keep Kynnedy, but I can’t recall having any apprehension to doing it.  I always wondered if he wanted to keep my daughter, because he’s had my nephew several times.  I didn’t know if I was supposed to ask first, or if he was going to tell me when he wanted to see her.  After talking to my sister, I decided to just sit down and pick a weekend for it to happen.  

I didn’t want to rob my father of the opportunity to be in his granddaughter’s life.  I didn’t want my issues (whatever they may be) to hinder the opportunity for her to find and develop her own relationship with her grandpa, because my mother never did that to me.  I want my dad and Kynnedy to have the best relationship possible.  I want her to be able to spend as much time as she can with him, no matter how long it is.  She has so many sets of grandparents, and she wants to see them all.  I couldn’t exclude my father from that, just because of things that happened between us that had nothing to do with Kynnedy. 

So here’s to second chances at better relationships; and new opportunities for added memories. 

-Whit C. 

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