How to Stay Young When Your Relationship is Feeling Old

Being married for 5 years thus far has taught me a lot about myself, my spouse and the idea of marriage as a whole.  The one thing I have learned is that there are times when you can feel quite old in your relationship sometimes, and it is not the best feeling by any means.  Along with the growing pains of marriage, we all have gotten to a point in our marriage, where we can sometimes feel a lot older than we are.  There are a lot of contributing factors to this; jobs, kids, chores and other daily responsibilities in the house, bills, you name it!  When you’re thinking about all of these things, it is difficult to remember to keep your relationship young and fresh all the time.

Since I’m sure some of us have been in this predicament before, I also know that you would want to know how to fix it.  Well, I have thought of a few things that will make you feel young again, when your relationship is getting older and older by the minute.

Make time for one another: A lot of times, we mistake the time we are around our partners as “quality time” when in all reality, we are just existing around them while we continue to move on with everyday life.  It is worth taking actual time out to spend time connecting with your partner, and it will make all the difference.  Making time for your partner, that does not involve dealing with the children, washing the dishes together or focused on other obligations or activities is a good starting point for reviving the newness of your relationship.

Spontaneity: Have you ever wanted to surprise your partner with a random lunch date, a day trip to your favorite place close by, or even a kid-free, responsibility-free weekend out of the blue?  If so, then being spontaneous is for you.  Doing random things at the spur of the moment can bring life back into you and your relationship, because you are learning to let go and go with the flow with someone you truly know you can have a good time with.

Intimacy: Intimacy on all levels is a great way to rekindle the spark in your marriage.  Whether it is physical, emotional or even spiritual; having a level of intimacy in your relationship really helps improve your connection with one another.

Dating: And no, I don’t mean dating other people while in your relationship, LOL.  I believe that “dating” your significant other or spouse gets lost in the daily routine of married life.  With all the responsibilities and priorities, going on a romantic date may always seem to fall to the bottom of the list; and even if you try, there may be something that always comes up.  Scheduling and planning time to actually date again can really turn things around in your relationship.  It allows you to learn new things about your partner (maybe things that you did not even know or things that have newly developed over the years), and it can be fun “getting to know” your partner all over again.

All of these steps and many more are guaranteed to make you have a differnt outlook on your relationship, if you feel like the newness is starting to wear off, and you both are getting comfortable.  Trying out new things is almost like dating all over again; before the commitments, babies, jobs, bills, etc.  If you truly find excitement in making your relationship feel young and new again, focus on these four items to really enhance your relaltionship and take you both on significant and meaningful journey towards a happy, healthy relationship.

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A Look Beyond the Titles

Mother.  Wife.  Supervisor.  Employee.  Provider.  There are so many times when women who fall into these categories are defined by these words.  We are characterized, classified and described with these words and at times, our identity and worth is sometimes only valued based on these things.  For five years, I have had the pleausre of being a wife; three of those years I have been on the journey of motherhood; and that same amount of time I have held a managerial role at my job as a supervisor.  I identify these roles because a lot of times these roles either have positive or even negative connotations to them.  You can either be praised for the strength and determination it takes to hold these titles; while in some eyes, your abilities and talents are narrowed to only these roles.

I am More Than What my Titles Define

As a woman who holds these titles, I don’t want to be ashamed when I say, I want to be known for the things I do outside of these things.   I am thoroughly proud to be a mother and take pride in being a wife, but I also have interests, thoughts and opinions that define my individuality outside of those things.  Sometimes, I don’t want to have non-stop conversation about parenting or marriage, because there’s so much more that goes on in my life outside of these things.  I feel as if I don’t want to always complain or discuss my job or my work.  Aspects of these things are nice; or how they may relate to real-life issues can be fine, but my conversations and my lifestyle does not have to center around 24-7 “mommy” type things, or “married/wife” things.  I am an individual Black woman.  I have friends who come from all walks of life who have so many different things going for themselves.  I am a writer and published author, I read the news, I follow social media for the simple fact that I like to stay connected to things going on in the world and within my age range and demographic.

I have done this very often, and I tend to challenge myself to tell people things that are not so  obvious  about myself.  Two things that someone will always know about me within 30 minutes of speaking with me is that I am a wife and I am a mother, because those are the things that I tend to assume people will always only want to know about me.  I believe that women are designed to tell people those basic facts about themselves, because they are the most important things, and not highlight any of the other things that are important to them in their lives.

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Be Mindful of the Energy you Put Into How Others Think of You

Do I care about what others are thinking about me?

The short answer is this: NO.

When I was younger, I was very self-conscious and was very concerned with how others perceived me and what people thought of me.  I have always tried to be a good person and a good friend to everyone I come in contact with, and took it very seriously if someone did not think well of me.

Now that I am older, I have realized that in life, you can put your best foot forward for people, and they will still find a reason to see the wrong in what you do; or only see the negative things that you have done.  They will not praise you for the good things you have accomplished or remember you for the good person that you are.  What I have learned is that you cannot put all of your energy into trying to force people to think highly of you, because sometimes people will not do so.  Therefore, I do not care what people think of me, as long as I know in my heart that I have done right by them and shown them the utmost respect.

You should not care what other people think of you, especially if you are treating people with respect and dignity that they deserve.  People will always have their specific opinions about you, no matter how you treat them.  The only obligations you have in life is to treat people the way you would want to be treated in life and hope to receive the same in return.

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NEW RELEASE- From A Lover’s Mouth

I’m pleased to announce my second published book, a collection of poetry titled, From a Lover’s Mouth!! 

 Take a trip down lover’s lane, with a collection of poetry that highlights some of the highs and lows of one of life’s most complex avenues; love.

In this short compilation, Whitney explores some of the experiences anyone can encounter when dealing with love; love that feels good, bad and even indifferent.

This is poetry from a lover’s mouth.

 

Autographed copies of my book are available for pre-order in the in Shop link now! Use the code “FREESHIP17” to get FREE SHIPPING on ALL PURCHASES!!  The deal is going on from now until 7/18!!

You can also purchase From a Lover’s Mouth using the following links:

Amazon

Amazon Kindle

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Sipping Tea with the Enemy…I Mean Ex! A Lesson in Forgiveness…

*REBLOG* Still a very interesting question…and one of the most interesting movie endings I’ve seen in a while!

Write, Live and Love

So I just got done watching the movie, Black Coffee on BET.  The movie was quite interesting; but the part that caught my attention the most was the end.  I will explain it a little:

Robert was dating Mita at the beginning of the movie.  Well, Robert lost his job, and his woman because she was a gold-digger, and not the sharpest pencil in the bunch if you get what I mean.  Mita moved on to Robert’s boss, in which she drained him financially, and was willing to give up the company in order for Robert to take Mita back.  Needless to say, his boss was stuck with her.

In between all this, Morgan had met Robert, and they had become very interested with each other.

Meanwhile, Morgan and Hill had been divorced for like 3 years, and had just recently started to see if they could rekindle their relationship. …

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Me Time

For the first time in possibly ever (with the exception of the 5 days I took out of the country, I took an entire week and a half off from my job and my adulting responsibilities (insert shock and *gasp*).  I didn’t have any life-threatening reason why I did it (unless you count my slowly deteriorating sanity), but I felt like it was critical and needed at the time.

Continue reading “Me Time” →

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Ramblings.

Well, this week’s essay definitely  won’t be as good as others.  It won’t be my best work.  It will be short, and it probably won’t make a lick of sense; which is why I decided to name it “Ramblings”.  With everything going on, I didn’t really have time to separate my thoughts and choose a specific topic to write about, so I’ll just throw all my thoughts into one post.  Here goes nothing….

Today is the last day of the month.  The last day of the first month of 2017, and my has it been a rough month.  I have gone through quite a few things with my family and personally (that I won’t go into full disclosure respectfully), and it has taken a toll on me in several different forms.  I have suffered a lot of things emotionally in the first month of 2017 (and it’s ONLY the first month of 2017); things that I would have never imagined feeling in my lifetime.  With all that being said, I made it to the end of the month in one piece, and luckily with my sanity halfway intact.  It wasn’t easy, but thank God, I’m here.

I haven’t been in the gym consistently in over a month, and that really sucks. Especially because I love the gym. It’s become a huge part of my life now, so when I felt myself slipping away from it, I felt like I was losing a piece of myself :-(. There was a point where all of my eating was at the hands of fast food, I was sitting on the couch being lazy, nothing was getting done!  I just recently told myself that I had to get it together, that I was losing myself in all the drama going on in my life, and pushing the things that actually help me, to the back burner!  So I started my routine back.  It’s been very hard waking up at 5am again, trying to muster up enough energy to make it through a 90 minute workout. I’m also trying to find a routine for myself and a muscle group rotation that’s new and fun and I think I found one! I have a goal for my 30th birthday I will be down to around 170, so I have a pretty long way to go, but I don’t plan on quitting anytime soon.

I also discovered something horrible about myself.   I am a stress-induced/emotional eater.  When my anxiety gets too high, or I become overly stressed out about certain things, all I want is comfort (or what feels like comfort) food and Pepsi.  I tend to make excuses for it, when all it really is, is emotional eating.  I never thought I was an emotional eater until some recent events in my life led to an overwhelming amount of stress and roller-coaster type emotions.  As a result of that, I either wanted to eat crap or not eat at all.  I also fell into a nasty habit that I hadn’t been in in a long time; drinking more than one soda a day.  When I was younger I used to drink at least 3 Pepsi’s a day.  Nowadays, I have cut back tremendously to the point where I can only really handle 1 can maybe every couple days.  Once again, stress and overwhelming emotions were rearing their ugly head at me, and I fell off the wagon (I tend to think of myself as a recovering Pepsi addict, lol).  This week, I started back on my gallon-a-day water regimen and trying to cut caffeine out of my diet.  In case anyone was wondering, it’s not fun and I have a headache that won’t go away; but I am going to slowly but surely ween myself  back off of this caffeine (hey! That rhymed, lol).

Overall,  I’m getting better.  I feel like I have to wash out January 2017 and start my year off at February.  January just had a lot of things going on; however, with every trial in my or my family’s life, I learn something new.  Over the last couple months, I learned a few cool and not so cool things:

  • True friendship is something rare and genuine.  Please treat it with the respect it deserves.
  • People who are most persistent, care the most.
  • Find someone to talk to when you’re in pain.  Communication is the major breakdown of relationships.
  • Hold fast to faith and prayer.
  • Sometimes, people will not have your best interest at heart, and they will not understand your pain and suffering.

Like I said, this was random;  unplanned and not put together nicely.  It’s just a reflection of my thoughts and how I’ve been feeling.  Sometimes, you just need to take some time to free write.  This is it.

-Whit C.

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