Lessons vs. Lifetimes: Using Discernment in Meaningful Relationships

We all have encountered many friends, associates and experiences in life, but how do you know whether or not someone was placed in your life to teach you a valuable lesson, or to be there for a lifetime. I believe there is true discernment in allowing yourself to differentiate from the two. A lot of times, we find ourselves (for whatever reasons) holding on and letting go to the wrong people. I experienced this in my life first-hand.

I can remember a time when I allowed someone to stay in my life for longer than they needed to be, and also let someone go in my life that was meant to be in my life for a lifetime. In my opinion, it is important to discern who in your life is there to benefit you for just a period of learning a life lesson about yourself or about the world and the people in it, versus those who have planted a foundation in your life to be there for a lifetime; people who are meaningful, bring value to your life and uplift you in good times and bad.

With age, experience and time, I have been able to evaluate within myself who in my life has taught me a lesson; someone i no longer need, versus someone who has been placed in my life and i know will be there for the rest of my days. Here are a couple of things I have experienced in this area myself.

  • Life Lesson relationships:
    • they teach you things to take with you for the rest of your life;
    • they show you the positives and negatives about yourself,
    • when looking back, you will see the message that those people put into your life, and you are able to identify the very reasoning why they were in your life and what you learned from their impact in your life;
    • when the time is right, those people will drift away from you.
  • Lifetime relationships:
    • plant seeds that are built for longevity,
    • consistent positive influences,
    • able to hold you accountable when you are not holding yourself accountable, add necessary value to your life,
    • have a legitimate meaning to your life,
    • are able to be there consistently when needed,
    • no matter what happens, these people never waver or drift apart from you.

Do you know if you have the right people in your life for a lifetime, or are those people that are only there to teach you a lesson; but you continue to hold on to them, hoping they are built to be in your life for a lifetime? I believe now is a good time to sit down and evaluate the friendships and relationships in your life. Make the necessary determinations as to whether or not the people you have surrounded yourself with are people who are exhibiting qualities of someone you would want to be a lifetime person, or just someone who is here to teach you a lesson about life.


A Lesson Learned

What do you take from the experiences life brings you? Do you take them as what they are and move on, or do you search for the lesson in those experiences?

Life is full of countless lessons; some come from good experiences and some come from bad. I’d like to believe that a lot of my best lessons, came from my worst mistakes and experiences in life. I will be the first to admit that as simple as my life may seem, I’ve done some pretty crazy things (lol). Throughout those many experiences; whether it was throughout my childhood or my adult life, I’ve learned valuable lessons about life, love, happiness, family, etc. that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

For me, it’s also important to note whom I owe the pleasure of learning these valuable lessons from. I have to credit my support system for teaching me so many things in my life, and still teaching me things as I journey through marriage, motherhood, and life in general, because there is always something happening or mistakes being made that cause me to learn something new to take with me on this journey. Between my mother teaching me about life, my husband teaching me how to love, and even my daughter teaching me nurturing and compassion, there’s never a moment in my life where meaningful lessons are not being taught.

Sometimes, life’s greatest and worst experiences may bring out some of the most trying struggles and difficulties of life; but the lessons that come out of those experiences is what makes you better and stronger than you ever had been before ❤️.

“Life perfect ain’t perfect,

If you don’t know what the struggle’s for.

Falling down ain’t falling down,

If you don’t cry whenyou hit the floor.

I’m getting past,

And I ain’t nothing like I was before,

You ought to se me now.

Yes Iwas burned, but I called it a lesson learned.”

-Alicia Keys, Lesson Learned

#50Days50Questions: A Lesson Learned 

What are some important things I have learned in life?

Everyday, I learn something new; whether it be good or bad.  The best thing I can do is take everything in stride and take the experiences as they come to me as they are.  Lessons are just that, and they come into our lives to teach and make us better human beings.  So, here are a few things I have learned thus far in this crazy thing I call, life:

  • You can’t spend your entire life pleasing everyone; you will end up spinning your wheels.
  • Worry about what’s going on in your own life, instead of worrying about others; entertaining foolishness is only a recipe for insanity.
  • When you’re at your worst and your best, you will know who your real family and friends are.
  • Being you is the best person to be in this life.  If people can’t accept you for who you are, they don’t deserve you.

A Lesson on Lying…

As a child, there’s always something that you’re getting in trouble for or known for in your family that will live on in infamy.  My pitfall?  Lying.  My mother would tell you I used to lie relentlessly.  I would lie like it was a language I was fluent in.  She would ask me a question so simple, and a lie would roll off my tongue like water.  It was bad, y’all.  The worst part was I usually got caught in my lie, and didn’t lie very well; which led to tons of yelling, disappointment and a good helping of corporal punishment (or what some of us like to call a good ass whooping).

Image result for lying memes and gifs

Now that I am clear into my adulthood, I often look back and wonder why I lied so much?  Why was it so easy to tell my mother I liked an outfit that I really didn’t; causing her to spend money she didn’t have to spend?  Why was it simple enough to tell her I was doing well in school when really I was almost failing two classes?  Why did it appear to be lesser of the two evils to tell her what I knew she wanted to hear, as opposed to telling her the truth when I knew one thing she hated most in life was a liar?

Did I want her to hate me?  No.  I wanted her to love me.  I wanted to be a child who didn’t always get in trouble; and in my eyes, the real truth meant trouble.  So to eliminate that, I decided to lie about some of the simplest things, which ultimately led to me getting in more trouble than I had originally would have been in (the irony).

Truth is, lying has been glorified to some degree as a means to show how much you love someone.  I can’t remember exactly which movie this came from, but I remember someone saying “I lie because I care enough to spare your feelings!” *insert major side-eye here*. Yea, I hear that now and it sounds like crap.  Lying to someone who’s only wish of you is to be honest with them is silly.  I clearly grew up learning this the hard way, as I seemed to not believe this until I got older.

Anytime I wanted to tell the truth, I thought that I would feel the unholy wrath of my mother far worse than if I told a lie.  I figured a lie would buy me some time in the “good child” department, so I went that route; only to find out that the punishment on the lying side of life was just as brutal, if not worse than the consequences for telling the truth!  I couldn’t win for losing.

Image result for Lies meme

One day, when I transitioned into “grown-up with bills and adulting struggles”,  I realized a shocking truth about moms; you’re allowed to disagree with them, and they won’t slap you in the mouth! Lol.  There used to be a time in my life where being blatantly honest with my mother scared the hell out of me; I imagined a thorough lecture on how I wasn’t “grown” and then it possibly end in some form of physical discipline.  That was something I just wasn’t down to hear.  Now, I can easily tell my mother the God’s honest truth about something and she won’t care (usually this means she will still do what she wants anyway, but at least I didn’t have to lie to her, lol).  I must say, telling the truth is a lot less stressful than telling lies, which I thought would be my lifelong occupation, lol.

My only fear is that I didn’t conform in time, and my daughter will inherit this nasty lying trait that her mother once had.  I have a feeling karma is coming in all its glory for me, and I am not ready.   Truth be told, she already accuses me of things I haven’t done and I wonder, “Is this it, God?  Is this the chapter of our lives when we go through lying?  But she’s so young!  I thought I had more time!” Smh.  This is life I suppose.

So, for all you pre-adolescent, adolescents and teenagers out there; love your moms.  Be honest with them because they would rather you be honest, than have them go through all this trouble for something that wasn’t even true.  Trust me, I’ve lived to tell the tale.

Despite what you may think, honesty really is the best policy. 🙂

-Whit C.