Loving Yourself

Q: Do I like what I look like? Why? Why not?

It took a long time for me to finally be able to answer this question with a “yes.” For the longest time, I would say yes, but be lying to myself. I was always the “awkward” girl. I never saw myself as someone that people were always looking at or gawking over because they were just that good to look at. I’ve always just felt average and mediocre. For that reason, I’ve sort of liked what I look like, but never really been 100% confident in my appearance.

Even at the age of 29, I’m slowly tapping into liking what I look like. There are days when I am feeling myself and other days when I’m definitely not. I’m slowly growing into the life of makeup and lipstick, which has made me feel a little better about myself on some days. I still battle insecurity, which I feel is common with anyone; I think we all have some insecurities that we aren’t proud of, but I try to keep myself confident and remember to love myself and remember that there are features about myself that I do enjoy and I capitalize on those.

Overalll, in a short answer, I guess I could say for now I do like what I look like; but there are parts of me that I am learning to enhance, improve and even  accept what will not or cannot change.  That is apart of growth and maturity for me.

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How to Push Past Your Comfort Zone

So far this year, there has been a lot of discomfort in my transition into 30.  There was going to be a lot of things I told myself I would do that I normally wouldn’t have ever done.   One of the main reasons I chose to do this cruel thing to myself was because as one gets older, sometimes you have to change.  Sometimes you have to spread yourself a little bit in order to know what you’re capable of growing to become.

Lately, I’ve committed to putting myself in the position to intentionally making myself do things that make me uncomfortable.  I am doing little things that the ‘old Whit’ would have NEVER dreamed of doing and to my surprise, I am slowly beginning to see that I enjoy it more and more.  Even though some of the things may not even get me out of the house, I feel that even in this millennial/digital/social media stage in life, I’m still putting myself out there in ways that I never would have a year or two ago.  As a person who is generally an introvert by nature, it is extremely difficult for me to be as outgoing as I strive to be.  I still become very shy when opportunities present themselves for me to vocal about certain things; however, with everyday that passes, I try to affirm that I can push myself to become more outgoing and outspoken as I transition into a new chapter of my life.

For me, I feel a shift of greater things happening as I approach my thirties and in order for me to be prepared for it, I believe that some of the preparation is occurring now.  I feel that certain tests are being put in my path, as a way to say “Yo, I need you to get past this, because when _____ comes into your life, you’re going to need to be ready for it.” Now, if you ask am I passing or failing these tests, I may possibly just be getting by, LOL; but I think there are lessons learned in all things.  I believe that any and every experience I’ve gone through has taught me even the smallest thing about myself, and that is what is most important.  The key is to now take those things I’m learning and apply them to becoming a better me for the future.

Between me now finally accomplishing my goal of publishing my first book, on track to publishing more, and blogging consistently and expanding that; my mind has now opened up to so many other opportunities and possibilities to how I want to expand what I am currently doing and how to make my future in writing even brighter than I ever dreamed.  From only privately  journaling two years ago, to now blogging on two sites and having a published novel is a major move for me and I feel I can only go up from here.  I can only speak on three key ways I was able to make it happen:

Confidence

Consistency

Self-Love

So, for anyone who is struggling to step out of their comfort zone I say this; no one is stopping you but you.  You have to find what will help you to push past your comfort zone and get you to where you want to be in life.  Without those three things, I wouldn’t be where I am currently, and I definitely wouldn’t have the courage to continue to dream as big as I am dreaming right now!

Whitney C.1 Comment

#50Days50Questions: Use What Ya Got! 

What are my talents? Am I utilizing them? How can I use them more?

Hmmm…..my talents.  I guess if we’re counting; I have two. 

Obviously, I’d like to think one of my talents is writing (lol).  I also enjoy singing, but it’s definitely something I keep under wraps.  I’m one of those people you will hear say “I only sing for the Lord and in the shower” which is kind of true, LOL.  I usually sing in church, and I sing in the car and in the shower.  So, honestly, if you ever want to hear me sing those three places might be the places to catch me.  


As for if I’m utilizing that talent, I guess you could say no.  I’m not necessarily using it for any type of personal or professional gain, and I don’t anticipate doing so.  I enjoy singing for the sheer joy of singing.  It’s a talent I have, but it’s merely there just for the fact that I love to do it.  I don’t really want to gain anything from it except to put a smile on someone’s face if I can :). 

For writing, I believe that it is my number one talent.  I used to be very modest about it and say “oh I’m an ok writer” or “I’m not a big deal”.  One thing I told myself I would start doing is being very arrogant about myself; because if I don’t boost up my own head, who will?  So instead, I will say I am THE best writer I know 🙂 (ok, maybe not THE best, but I’d like to think I’m pretty good).


The next question is am I utilizing my talent; the answer to that is yes, I am now.  Before, I was very guarded in who and how I exposed my writing.  Now, I’ve become more public with it.  I’ve tried to put myself out there and be more fearless with sharing my gift with the world.  I figure, God blessed me with this ability; why not share it with people?  So that’s what I’m doing now.  

Overall, I’m not saying I’m loaded with all these talents; but I have some pretty cool ones.  If I keep utilizing them regularly, maybe they will turn into something successful.  Until then, they are just two things I thoroughly enjoy doing in my free time ☺️. 

Photo cred: Google image search

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The Awkward Bird

Contrary to popular belief, I am an awkward bird.   I’m ashamed to admit that as I approach 30, I feel more and more insecure about myself. I have yet to find a level of feminine comfort and security, and there are days in my life where  I feel completely awkward and misplaced.  I have self-confidence issues a mile wide; ones that have been present for years that I just cannot overcome, and fearful that I will never overcome them.  Confidence and my personal self-image has always been a sore point for me.  I perceive myself to be a very quiet person, but pretty social once you get to know me.  You would even think that this is something I don’t worry about on a regular basis, but it happens.   Body and self-image is a deep part of my soul that needs some serious work; and it’s been that way for years.

I see confidence, positive body image, self-love and all things alike everyday.  My friends, my family, even people on social media (although I understand can be subjective) all have a specific demeanor that exhibits self-love and appreciation for themselves the way they see themselves.  I ogle over women of all shapes, sizes, colors and nationalities loving themselves, and then here I am, sitting somewhere in a far off corner, wondering why I don’t love myself.  Until I can learn that phase of life, nothing else will seem to be enough; I know this, yet I still struggle daily.

A lot of this has to do with my weight, and how for 3 years now, I have struggled with losing or maintaining.  I place all blame on myself, because there are times that I am not consistent, or dedicated to the cause.  I have also recently discovered I am an emotional eater; which means, when I’m not happy with my weight, I eat.  Bad combination, right?  I know!  My weight has been a roller coaster issue since I had my daughter.  I’m no longer in the grace period of blaming my flab on baby fat, as my daughter will be 3 this April.  Needless to say, I have to remain committed to changing my weight but in addition to that, I have to learn how to not eat my feelings.  Or if I eat them, eat healthy things, lol.

This leads me to my next revelation: I hate clothes.  Dresses are the devil and I’ve felt that way since I was 13.  From middle school all the way through my senior year of high school I was a tomboy.  I played sports, I wore basketball shorts and big  t-shirts, baggy jeans, jerseys, sneakers (Air Force 1’s had to be my all-time favorite), the whole nine.  What’s interesting about that is I still religiously wore jewelry, got my nails done and my hair done.  I was a complex person, but my style was one of comfort.  It was the best of both worlds to me and I felt like my best self that way.

Now, fast forward about 10+ years:  I have a government job, I’m a wife, a mother; I am adulting every day, and that requires me to have a certain amount of dress down- casual-business casual clothes in my closet.  Can I be honest with you guys?  I hate that.  I wish I could walk around in leggings and VS sweatpants all the time.  Workout clothes make me feel ok as well.  My mother and I would have knock-down drag out brawls about me wearing skirts and dresses (and truth be told that hasn’t changed) and I just refuse to.  I have very VERY rare occasions where I will say to myself, “Self?  Let’s wear a cute skirt today” or “how about we bring that dress out for the spring time, it’s so nice out and the color is really pretty on your skin”.  Other days, I am merely wearing them out of force, and to see my loved ones happy.

Everyone sees me differently than I see myself.  My insecurity has brought me to low places at times, but overall, it just makes me feel like the awkward ugly duckling in the room.   I don’t wear makeup, and even wearing lipstick makes me feel like I look like a clown.  I feel in constant competition with other women to look as good (never really better because I know myself) as they do, and most times I feel like I will never compare.  I have daydreams of certain styles or outfits that I would want to try and once I try them on, they look like a disaster; so they are never purchased.  I cannot stand trying on clothes in the store, for the mere fact that disappoint waits on the other end of that dressing room door.

To be honest, it’s painful to write this.  It’s painful to see the words in black and white and bring this to light because I have hidden it for so long (and even this post doesn’t explicitly tell the entire story), but I feel like in order for me to begin a process it needs to be made clear.  I need to be able to write about the most vulnerable parts of my life, because once it’s out there, I need to fix it.  Putting this out for the world to read helps me take a step towards trying to change it.  Would I be comfortable the way I am; being shy and hiding out in the background feeling horrible about myself?  Sure.  Is that the best way to be?  No.  Why?  Because I have someone looking up to me, trying to learn how to be comfortable in her own skin and love herself.

How can I lead by example, when my example is not the best one to follow?

-Whit C.

 

 

Whitney C.3 Comments

How Did I Become the Third Wheel?!?!?

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Photo Cred: askmen.com

I was listening to the radio one morning and an awesome topic was being discussed. I couldnt wait to get to my computer to post my two cents about it lol!

So, picture it.

You’re calling up your closest girlfriend or guy friend to hang out one night; nothing too fancy, just a night out with old friends.  It’s probably something that  isn’t as easy to do or a common event in your new adult life (what with having a full time job, bills and who knows how many other respinsibilites). Anywho, you are ready to hang out with your bestie and you are sure it will be the best night out in a while.  When your friend shows up, they bring their spouse along for the outing.  You know their spouse, but not well enough to let your hair down and let your true colors show.  So now, it’s gotten really awkward….

What do you do?!?!

Continue reading “How Did I Become the Third Wheel?!?!?” →

Whitney C.2 Comments