Big Girl Moves!

When you have children, you never know what to cherish; what moments to etch into your memory, what silly things to photograph or put on video, or what things you should never take for granted. As parents, we try to make everything a lasting moment, but sometimes that’s not possible. Today, I had a brief moment of sadness, as i realized my daughter is truly beginning to own her independence.

So…

We usually walk Kynn up to the school and drop her off right in the front so she can walk from there. We do this for 2 main reasons; 1- it gives us the opportunity to still make sure she gets into the school, and 2- it’s quicker than the parent drop off line.

I remember one day, my husband told me that he took her through the parent drop off line at school (for reasons that escape me now). We didn’t think much of it, because she really didn’t mention it after that, until lately.

Lately, Kynn has been very adamant that she wants to “walk by herself” (get dropped off) instead of us walking her. We refused it a few times, which she wasn’t happy about, but finally, the other day my husband started taking her back through the parent drop off. Now, this typically doesn’t phase me because he takes her and I pick her up from school.

Yesterday, due to Brandon being out of town for work, I took Kynn to school this morning. On our way there, I called my husband and he mentioned her walking up to school by herself. She said that she wanted me to drop her off, and she was a big girl and could walk to school by herself now. I’m not gonna lie, I was a little in my feelings about it, lol. I guess you could say that I was being a little selfish about our moment to walk up to the school, and being able to see her meet up with her friends and walk to her hallway.

So, instead of parking and walking her in, I took my place in the drop off line as requested. So here I was, in the line we said we’d never go in (mainly because it’s typically long as hell lol). Once it was Kynn’s turn, she took her seatbelt off, told me bye and hopped out of the car. The principal was there (he and several other teachers will escort the kids to the door or the school) and walked her right up to the door. She didn’t even look back, Lol. She was very happy though, and that’s what’s more important.

I tried to watch her, but I had to keep the line moving, so I drove on. I can admit that I had a few mixed feelings about this. I couldn’t help it, my little firecracker is now becoming a big kid right before my eyes. She’s developing her own personality and space and she expresses how she want things done her way.

I realized today that time is moving faster than I ever imagined. We are technically halfway through her first year of school, and before i know it, she’ll officially be in elementary school. I will admit there are a lot of things we do not restrict her from or constantly hover for, because we know we have a very independent child, but me and my husband do still have a few moments here and there where we know we are needed, and we take advantage of those moments because we know they are becoming more non-existent than we are ready for.

I try to prepare her for the world and what it has for her, but the reality is I never will know what’s in store for her life. Only God knows what path Kynn is destined to take. I know she knows she still has her parents in her corner always, but I feel like this is one of those little steps towards a more mature adolescent. What I do know and look forward to though, are those special moments when she does still need me, and best believe, I’ll always be by her side for as long as she needs me. 🖤

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A True Love at First Sight

I always dreamed that when I had gotten to the point in my life when I would have children, I envisioned having boys.  I didn’t particularly have anything against girls, but since I was a tomboy my entire life (and truthfully I still am), I felt like I was meant to have boys, instead of girls.

I was SO nervous about having a girl, because I felt like my level of “girly-isms” would not be enough, and I would spend most of my time looking at my daughter wondering what in the world we would do.  Personally, I didn’t really like dolls, I wasn’t totally sold on painting my nails as a child, I HATED pink, I didn’t play “dress-up” or played in makeup or anything.  I thought that not doing these things was basically setting myself up to fail as a mother to a daughter.  I thought this would be TRAGIC for me, so I prayed for boys; nerdy little boys because I knew sports, video games and books.

When I got pregnant in 2013, I sort of changed my perspective on the preferred gender of my baby, and I was pretty excited either way.  I figured, if I had a girl I would figure it out, and if not, we will figure it out together (yes, me and my baby would be sitting right in the living room looking at each other, trying to figure one another out).  In December of that year, I found out the gender of my baby, and even at this point, I was still lenient on my position for gender, even though my heart truly tugged slightly in the boy column than the girl.

On that day, I got the most shocking news ever; I was having a little girl and I was surprisingly ECSTATIC about it!  I couldn’t believe that I was so happy for having a girl, after my entire life of always speaking into the universe that I wanted a boy.  I felt like this was truly what God intended of my life; to have a spunky, feisty little girl.  Truthfully, I was more welcoming to the idea than I ever thought I would be (amazing what happens to you when you grow up).

When my daughter Kynnedy was born, I could only use one word to describe her; perfection.  From the first moment I saw her, I loved her endlessly.  She truly leaves me speechless.  She’s the perfect combination of my husband and I;  she’s smart as a whip, she’s funny, she has a sarcastic personality (even at her age, I can tell), she’s ambitious, tenacious, protective, loving, kind-hearted…basically any and everything you would want your child to be, she possesses those qualities.  I watch her everyday do something or learn something that is far beyond her 2 years of life and I am at a loss for words.

I try hard not to be overly boastful about my daughter.  I feel like bragging on her, telling everyone about all these milestones that she completes well beyond her years, will set an overwhelming level of expectation on her, and that is something I never want to do.  I never want her to feel like she HAS to be great at everything.  I said my child was perfection, but that is only within my definition of what perfection is.  My child is still a toddler, which means she has an attention span the size of a flea, she whines, she pouts, she hates the word “no” and she has become accustomed to asking me “why” for every little thing.  She has even managed to try and bribe me into doing more of the things I tell her NOT to do (like I said, wise beyond her years of life).  She is a Taurus, which means she is stubborn to a fault, which even in her young age, she has managed to make it very plain and clear that she will do things in her time and when she’s ready, and not a minute more.  She is very particular about things, and likes to have things in a certain order.  She still has her moments, but for every moment I want to pull my hair out and cry from my toddler running my life, she gives me a reason to smile and keep me on my toes.

I tend to have about 50 different aspirations for my daughter every day.  I feel as if she has the potential to be whatever she puts her mind to (yes, even at two years old, I feel like she knows exactly what she wants to do in her adult life).  This past year she asked for a telescope for Christmas; not dolls, not a coloring book, but a telescope.  Why?  So she can look at the moon and the stars.  I was blown away.  Here is my little toddler talking about her own little version of astronomy.  My husband and I receive so many praises on how smart she is and how amazing her personality is at such a young age.  She is even pretty social when you get down to it (I don’t know how many strangers know my child’s name, but she is not afraid to tell people).

I pray everyday for her.  I pray for her safety, her security; but mostly, I pray that she never loses the fire she has for life.  I have never seen a happier human being than my own child.  She is always happy and always smiling, and her laugh is infectious; you can’t help but feel the warmth of her innocence.  I pray she never loses that; her ability to smile every day.  I am not naive and understand that as she grows her emotions will change, and she and her moods will evolve, but in a world like this one, I want her to have something to hold on to that will continuously keep her joyful and happy.

Today’s society and peers are not the same as they were when I was a child.  Sometimes, I fear my daughter having to go through a host of controversial things from body image to issues regarding her own self-worth and confidence.  I grew up as an insecure person, and I hope that she never has to feel insecure about any aspect of herself.  There is so much negativity in this world and so many opportunities for criticism, I tend to worry.  You see so many things going on in this world now, and wonder how they will affect your children once they are old enough to understand, but all you can do is pray that the world will be a better place by the time your child is old enough to understand what’s going on around them.

I sometimes wonder if she is thinking the same things about herself, and if she ever wonders how blessed and amazing she truly is.  I don’t know if she will ever understand how much she is loved and adored by our family.

Everyday is a new day for me to enjoy being her mother.  It’s a new day to watch her learn something new, to make a new friend, to smile or bless me with her infectious laughter.  I’ve loved her since the day I knew she existed, and no matter where the world takes us, the love I have for her will forever remain constant.

-Whit C.

Hi. 

Yesterday, my family and I were out an at outlet mall just walking around and trying to catch a good sale or two (we actually found some, too!).

While we were there, I couldn’t help but see my daughter go right into her routine of greeting random strangers passing by us.  For adults, this may seem all to weird; to randomly speak to a stranger walking past us, who may or may not interact. For a toddler who is consistently in a joyous mood, this is second nature. 

I watched my daughter as she walked around with us, yelling out the most adorable “Hi!” that she could muster up.  She accompanied it with a smile and a wave.  Everyone she passed looked down at her, smiled and said “hi!” There were also comments of her being so cute and sweet. I couldn’t help but smile and say thank you. 

Rarely have I encountered a time when someone wouldn’t speak back to her or just not realize she was talking to them.  It makes me emotional every time because I see the happiness that my daughter has in life, especially in a time where a lot of Black men and women are fearful of our own lives and our children’s lives; and here my daughter is, carefree and radiant, spreading around just a little bit of love the best way she knows how, by something as simple as a greeting.

To anyone that my daughter has said hi to in the past, present and future:

I hope her spreading that kindness to you on that day, in that moment in time helped you in ways she or I may never understand. I hope she brought a smile to your heart.  I hope her innocence captured something in you.  I hope it made you say hi to someone you didn’t know.  Ultimately, I hope that one small gesture was something that made your day, if even in those small seconds of time passed between the two of you, because I know she touches my heart when she spreads love to people.

Consider it a small way that even a toddler can pay it forward. 

Growth

My dad text me the other day and asked for a video of my daughter saying her ABC’s.  I sent him the video with no hesitation. We even talked about how smart and advanced she was.

You want to know what growth looks like for me?  3 years ago, I wasn’t even talking to my father on a regular basis; and didn’t care if I did or didn’t.  I had all but given up a relationship with him, until I got pregnant.  I prayed on it and told myself that I wanted to give him the chance to know his granddaughter, because at the end of the day, me and his relationship has nothing to do with the relationship he has with her.

We may not see each other all the time, nor talk every day; but we are talking.  And I couldn’t be happier. Our relationship has improved, through him building a relationship with my daughter and I would say that is one of the best things that has happened in the last 3 years.

See?  Growth. 🙂

Connection

Lately, I have been feeling like creating something for me and my daughter to have that signifies our bond to each other.  I didn’t know what I wanted it to be, but I knew I wanted it to be something simple and special for the both of us; something we would have with us everyday, and somehow feel a sense of connectedness to one another.  Although she is still pretty young, she is well aware of when we are not together.  I wanted it to represent our love for each other as mother and daughter, and be something like a tradition that we can carry with each other for the rest of our lives.

I decided to create a bracelet for us.  A very simple bracelet that we would wear everyday, no matter what.  I also didn’t want it to be bought, but wanted to make it myself.  It makes it more special in my opinion when something is handmade :).

Continue reading “Connection”