Forgiveness: A Reflection on Its Impact

I recently listened to a powerful message regarding forgiveness and it made me reflect on my feelings towards the concept of forgiveness and how I have allowed it to impact my life and dealings with situations when it comes to forgiving others.

One thing I know about forgiveness; it’s scary as hell.  No one wants to forgive anyone,  lol.  When you’re mad, you want to stay mad at someone FOREVA *insert Cardi B voice*.  This unfortunately cannot always be the case, though; and as we continue to thrive and grow into adults, we have to learn to forgive.

Forgiveness is that one thing that we all fear, because we know it means that we will eventually have to make amends with someone that we truly don’t want to; but I think the one thing we tend to forget is that we do not have to forget what happened with that person.  Forgiving someone does not negate that something bad happened to them or excuses someone’s behavior by any means; it simply means that you are pardoning what someone has done to you and no longer holding it against them.  It is oftentimes something easier said than done.

One of the most important things I got from this message about forgiveness was that you have to remember that it is not right to seek vengeance against that person, no matter how much hurt you feel in your heart.  It is second nature to want to hurt the person just as much, if not more than they hurt you; just so they can feel the same way you felt in the end.  When you act with that mentality, you have to ask yourself, who does that really benefit in the end?  Do you really feel any better about the situation after using all that energy to inflict all of that pain and revenge on someone else?  I have been through that as well, and it really didn’t serve me any real purpose in the end; I still felt the same way even while trying to seek all that revenge.

As I get older and begin to embrace a new level of maturity, I begin to embrace a level of forgiveness.  I begin to look at life and understand that life is too short to continue to hold on to issues that are not worth the energy or negativity that we put into them.  I feel like when you begin to wonder why you are still mad about something, it is time to re-evaluate whether or not you need to start the process towards forgiveness.  As I grow, I learn; and as I learn, I better myself.

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5 Things I’ve Changed to Be Better

I recently listened to a podcast that was discussing change, and how each person has changed for the better throughout their life.  It made me sit back and think of 5 things I’ve worked towards or changed in my life to make myself become a better person.

  1. Pleasing People: I stopped trying to please everyone.  I used to try and do things that made other people happy, when in actuality, it was not making me happy, and sometimes, they really weren’t paying attention to me anyway.  I would do things just to appease a specific person, and serve a specific purpose and that was not the way to live life.  Nowadays, I do things with no intention of pleasing anyone but myself.  I choose to do things that will make me happy and bring me the most positive outcome and that is what I keep my mind on.  It has managed to reduce the amount of pressure and stress I put on myself when I was forcing myself to please others.
  2. Focused on Intentions: I am more focused on setting intentions in my life and following through with them, in my professional and personal life.  I am doing a lot better at setting small specific goals also, instead of always setting my sights on an overall goal right off the bat; and then feeling horrible about myself when I don’t achieve my goal.  Now, when I set smaller more attainable goals,  it helps me to feel more accomplished when I achieve them.
  3. No Bullshit!: I don’t dabble, dwell or deal in the BS anymore.  I’m almost thirty and I don’t have time to be in the midst of any types of BULLSHIT.  I have taken  full advantage of my mute,  unfollow and block buttons on social media, so if you are about all types of foolishness, ignorance, or just plain irritating what last nerves I’ve got left, I just get you out of my sight for a little while.  It’s quite refreshing and I wonder why I didn’t start doing it sooner.
  4. More Active: Yoga is a thing for me now.  So is meditation.  There isn’t much of an explanation for that except that in order to maintain my sanity, I had to find a way to balance,  keep my body flexible and my mind clear, because adulting will make you crazy in case you didn’t know.  Insert yoga and meditation every night.  #NamasteHomies
  5. Choosing my battles: This is definitely not something that makes me the happiest, but it keeps my blood pressure down and my health is more important.  I’m sure we can all identify with one person that we go to battle with on a frequent basis, and we put all  of our energy and effort into winning that fight;  but when you’re finished, you don’t have anything left to give.  Yea, you’re putting too much of yourself into these battles, sis.  Learn to pick your battles.  Lose some of those battles, to win the war.  Or just lose some battles and you may not even go to war.  I’m  finally learning that sometimes, it’s better to concede and just lick your wounds and move on.

 

So these are the 5 things that I have changed about myself so far as I transition into my new decade.  Hopefully I will keep these up and I  won’t lose my mind lol.

Take a moment and think about what 5 things you have changed in your life to better yourself as a person, wife,  mother, friend, sister,  etc?  Did they make you better?