Growth

My dad text me the other day and asked for a video of my daughter saying her ABC’s.  I sent him the video with no hesitation. We even talked about how smart and advanced she was.

You want to know what growth looks like for me?  3 years ago, I wasn’t even talking to my father on a regular basis; and didn’t care if I did or didn’t.  I had all but given up a relationship with him, until I got pregnant.  I prayed on it and told myself that I wanted to give him the chance to know his granddaughter, because at the end of the day, me and his relationship has nothing to do with the relationship he has with her.

We may not see each other all the time, nor talk every day; but we are talking.  And I couldn’t be happier. Our relationship has improved, through him building a relationship with my daughter and I would say that is one of the best things that has happened in the last 3 years.

See?  Growth. 🙂

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Empty

Another night, lying in bed, searching the ceiling for an answer it didn’t have.  Another night of talking to herself, asking questions with no answer.  Another night of empty and idle thoughts.  She wondered how perfection felt; wondered what joy was and if happiness ever existed.  She looked over her bed and found him lying there, sleep taking over and rendering him lifeless for the night hours  He slept, while she suffered, and she felt so helpless.

Her words were never understood, her opinion deemed insignificant; her desires weren’t acceptable.  She tried countless times to just let well enough alone, but well enough wasn’t what she felt she deserved.  She wanted a love that went above and beyond, one she could lay her life on the line for,  one that she could sacrifice herself to be apart of something bigger.  She couldn’t see that with him.

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Home

It’s not the street I usually go down, but for some reason, that day I turned down a different road.  Today of all days, this road caught my attention, more than it had in the past.  It was more appealing, more attractive, and more noticeable and I couldn’t take my focus off of it.  I felt like something was waiting for me here, down this road I usually never go down.  I felt like something was pulling me towards that road.  Something was there that I needed to see, something was there that I needed to explore.

It’s not like I hadn’t seen it before.  It has been there since the first day I went down this trail.  Every morning, I would walk my usual path, feeling the fresh air on my face, with a pep in my step and a song in my heart.  Every day I walked and walked, and each day I encountered this road.  The sun always shined there.  It could be raining on my path, but the sun shined brightly on this road.  You could see clearly down the road, as if it was never-ending.  There was a natural aura that you could feel at the head of the road, but being mesmerized by its beauty would cause you to stay frozen in your steps.  I never saw anyone on this road, so despite its unique qualities, I never gave it much of a thought.  Never gave it a second glance until today.  I was drawn to it; to its mystery and the thought behind what would life be like if I traveled down that road, instead of my usual trail.

I took one step onto the road, and looked around as if I had stolen a cookie from the cookie jar.  No one was watching, and nothing really happened.  I took another step, and still, nothing.  I began to start a slow and steady stride, taking a chance I never had before and exploring the possibility of a new adventure.  The more steps I took on the road, the more and more positivity I felt.  There was an energy about being on this road that clung to me like a last breath.  I continued to walk until the newness wore off.  Once I got comfortable, I picked up the pace, and even started to jog down the road.  It was truly indescribable!  I thought to myself “why hadn’t I chosen this path before?” I asked a question that I knew would not have an answer.

It wasn’t the street I usually go down, but for some reason, I turned down a different road.  That road made me feel just as happy, just as free, and just as normal as any other.  This road felt like home.