Choose. Yourself. Every. Time.

So, a lot has happened in the last 12 weeks or so, things that have made my begin a transition into a new chapter in my life that I am so excited for. It also taught me a valuable lesson about myself.

So, in April, due to my own personal mental health, I took a leave of absence from my job. There were several things (most importantly the environment and that’s all I’ll say) that we’re getting to me professionally and personally and I needed a break. Well I took a very healthy break from that place. 10 weeks. In that 10 weeks, I realized that I had to start choosing myself, my family, my life, my health first. So I made the decision to finally cut ties with the job I’d known for almost 5 years.

May 28, I said goodbye to my old job; no second job lined up, no real plan. But i knew that I needed to cleanly break away. So I told them that after my leave was completed, I won’t be returning. I’m sure there were whispers, rumors, discussion about me; but I don’t care. This decision was made because of that kind of behavior and I was not about to walk back into that.

May 30, I had an interview with another state agency, same position but better pay. I went and interviewed, and that day I received a call that they wanted to move forward with me; only 2 DAYS after I quit.

Yesterday, after all the formalities, I got my official job offer from the state of North Carolina. I start in a week and a half. All it took was 12 days to secure my new plan. I’ll be in the same field, but in a different state and I’m thoroughly excited.

When I quit my job, I asked God to put what is for me in front of me. He wasted NO time. I thought I’d be sitting around with no job for months, but He knew all I wanted was to be in a positive environment doing what I love.

What I learned from all this was this: in life, sometimes you have to take a leap; a leap into the unknown and it’s very scary. It took months for my family to convince me that this was the best option for me. It took even longer for me to convince myself. I’ve wanted to quit my job for over 6 months, and i finally gathered the strength in May 2019. You have to trust that whatever is meant for you, is waiting on the other side of you to release whatever is toxic and negative in your life. Toxic energy and new beginnings cannot both fit into your life comfortably. And I’ve made the choice that toxicity has no place in my life. Plus, the people who want worse for you always end up LOSING in the end.

Please, don’t hold on to negativity. Release that crap and get what’s yours out of life. I wasted too much time holding on to negative things; fear, doubt, worry, that I have let life pass me by and it only led to mental health issues. Not anymore.🖤

I can’t wait to start this new chapter of my life. I also need new work clothes…lol.

If I took anything from this experience in my life, and all the emotions tied to it, it is this; CHOOSE YOURSELF EVERY TIME. I’m done doing things out of the approval of others. I have started a life where I choose myself and I’m very happy with it. Now, onto the next chapter in life.

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Stretching my Creative Muscles

Lately, I’ve had the urge to do more with my creative brain. Currently, I am a writer; I write poetry, prose, short stories, novels. That brings me peace, but I also want something that can make me explore and expand my creative ideas. I have been thinking about painting and photography mainly, as those are two things that I enjoy doing. I know there are so many different means of being creative, so the possibilities are endless.

I have been trying to do more of listening to my intuitions and following what my spirit is telling me. I have wanted to get into another hobby of sorts, and figure out what can evolve from it. Maybe I will start taking pictures and realize that it ain’t it for me, lol. Or I will realize that painting is an art form and a talent that I will never possess. Either way, I’m willing to give anything a shot.

So, I guess we shall see where this newfound urge to expand will take me :). Does anyone else experience this? Are there any other forms of creativity you have launched in your lives as a result of this feeling? I’d love to hear about it!

Lessons vs. Lifetimes: Using Discernment in Meaningful Relationships

We all have encountered many friends, associates and experiences in life, but how do you know whether or not someone was placed in your life to teach you a valuable lesson, or to be there for a lifetime. I believe there is true discernment in allowing yourself to differentiate from the two. A lot of times, we find ourselves (for whatever reasons) holding on and letting go to the wrong people. I experienced this in my life first-hand.

I can remember a time when I allowed someone to stay in my life for longer than they needed to be, and also let someone go in my life that was meant to be in my life for a lifetime. In my opinion, it is important to discern who in your life is there to benefit you for just a period of learning a life lesson about yourself or about the world and the people in it, versus those who have planted a foundation in your life to be there for a lifetime; people who are meaningful, bring value to your life and uplift you in good times and bad.

With age, experience and time, I have been able to evaluate within myself who in my life has taught me a lesson; someone i no longer need, versus someone who has been placed in my life and i know will be there for the rest of my days. Here are a couple of things I have experienced in this area myself.

  • Life Lesson relationships:
    • they teach you things to take with you for the rest of your life;
    • they show you the positives and negatives about yourself,
    • when looking back, you will see the message that those people put into your life, and you are able to identify the very reasoning why they were in your life and what you learned from their impact in your life;
    • when the time is right, those people will drift away from you.
  • Lifetime relationships:
    • plant seeds that are built for longevity,
    • consistent positive influences,
    • able to hold you accountable when you are not holding yourself accountable, add necessary value to your life,
    • have a legitimate meaning to your life,
    • are able to be there consistently when needed,
    • no matter what happens, these people never waver or drift apart from you.

Do you know if you have the right people in your life for a lifetime, or are those people that are only there to teach you a lesson; but you continue to hold on to them, hoping they are built to be in your life for a lifetime? I believe now is a good time to sit down and evaluate the friendships and relationships in your life. Make the necessary determinations as to whether or not the people you have surrounded yourself with are people who are exhibiting qualities of someone you would want to be a lifetime person, or just someone who is here to teach you a lesson about life.

Don’t Let Comparison Steal Your Joy

I’m sure we have all heard the quote “comparison is the thief of all joy.”

We as humans live in a world where comparison happens without knowledge. You see a person with a better job, better car, better house, etc. and sometimes we cannot help but compare our lives to others.

What we don’t realize is, when we do this, we take small bits and pieces of our joy away from us. Constant comparisons to other people’s lives does nothing but put you in a position to be pessimistic about your life; or on the flip side, it can cause you to look at others’ lives as inferior to yours (if you are comparing what you have that is better than someone else), and that is a negative trait that no one should want to inherit.

Count your blessings more than counting what you lack: it’s all about your mindset. If you focus on what you have, you will spend less time talking about what you lack. What you have in your life at the time in your life is tailor made for your success. Comparing your life to someone’s else’s doesn’t bring about any positive feelings, because no one’s life is the same, and the timeline for what you want and need in life is not the same as another person’s.

Focus on your goals and how to achieve them: instead of comparing yourself to what others have, try focusing your energy on achieving the goals you have for yourself to project

A Social Media Pause for the Cause

I believe it is time for a pause on social media; and by pause, I mean particularly posting on my social media.

I feel at this time, the only things that I can really express is negative energy. I have a lot of personal things going on at the moment, with really no outlet in sight on how to express them properly; so I have been making the not-so-right choice in expressing myself via social media. This is typically something I do not like to do, as I do not like to have that slight mirror into my personal dealings. In light of this discovery, I feel like it is best to keep myself a little more private than I typically would.

You may see me lurking around, looking at things, but not saying much. I will still have my blog and comment and post things, I also will continue to use my Twitter and Author page on FB for content and ways to promote my book; however, anything of a social and recreational nature will get a little pause from me until I can find ways to appropriately separate my personal feelings from my online social environment.

Until next time friends….

10 Years Ago..

I made a choice to embark on a journey of lifetime sisterhood with some of the most beautiful souls I’ve had the pleasure of meeting.

In 10 years, babies have been born, relationships have evolved, we’ve been apart of weddings, we’ve been there for each other no matter the distance or the time apart. We have become true FINER women; far from the girls we were when we started this path, and continuing to evolve into better women with each passing day.

We’ve evolved so much as individuals, it has done nothing but continue to complement our growth as sisters. We’ve got a little bit of everything between us, and I feel like that is what keeps us together. We truly embody our name, and there is no way to deny that we are truly distinct and unique in every way. Our bond is unbreakable, and our loyalty is unmatched. There’s never a dull moment whenever we’re together.

If there is one thing I always want you all to know; y’all will always hold a piece of my heart. My most memorable and one of my most greatest moments in life was finding out that you all would be the group of ladies I’d hold near and dear. No matter where life throws us, no matter the distance or the time; when you call, I will always answer. If you need me I’ll always be there. “Sister” is a word that carries heavy weight to me, and know you all were an integral part of me becoming me.

Thank y’all, and I love each and every one of you.

#5

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RIP Nipsey Hussle..

Today was the day the nation was privileged to witness the homegoing celebration of Nipsey Hussle. I watched the majority of it, and it was very emotional to watch.

I will admit that I was not a Nipsey Hussle fan, per se. I didn’t listen to all of his music, but this is not about me speaking on him as an artist; I am speaking on behalf of the person that has been described and represented.

Since 3/31, there has been an outpouring of love and admiration for Nipsey that has made those who weren’t avid fans become fans. It’s not often that someone is praised to this magnitude; to see someone who actually rapped and talked about truth, followed up on his actions and several other things. You can tell that this man was and still is highly respected in his community.

To see so many people come together to honor him as a person, someone who was just more than a rapper or gang member, was beautiful to see. His family spoke of him with the utmost respect and dignity. Lauren was a strong and fearless woman, who honored her true love the only way she knew how. One of my favorite things she said, is when Nipsey told her that you “experience” people. And so many people were privileged enough to experience him in this lifetime.

It is truly a painful loss to have someone taken from you so soon; especially someone who was so integral to their community and neighborhood. A senseless act took this man’s life for no reason, and the world along with his family is devastated by the loss.

Fan or not, it has shown that Nipsey’s impact or just the knowledge of his contribution to this world will have a lasting effect in people. I hope it brings about more positivity and shows those younger than him the positive results that can come from being a product of your environment if you work hard and stay humble to your beliefs and values. No matter what your upbringing or your exposure to the world may be, you can always come out on the other side the right way if you choose to.

#RIHNipseyHussle

Image: @nipseyhussle on Instagram