Happy Birthday.

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Whitney,

I bet the world would be stunned if you told them you didn’t think you’d make it to this day.

But you did.

This year you found out, you were flawed like hell. You’re not that great of a person, and you can’t make things perfect. You can’t control anything except your actions and your choices, and that bothers the shit out of you. You can be manipulative to prove a point. You make bad decisions; some that cost you in the biggest ways. You detach. You’re a horrible communicator of your feelings. You have an issue with the ability to not be able to reconcile differences. You are angry a lot, sad a lot. You cry all the time. Sometimes you’re not even that fun to be around.

You are flawed. And that’s ok. You’re doing the work to turn some things around; and while some things you can’t change, most things you can.

You passed another year around the sun; but this year, turned out to be one to test you amongst any other. So many things have gone on; good and bad, and yet, here you are.

You have endured a pain that was unimaginable. Not many can truly understand that pain, because even you can’t describe it. You’ve beaten yourself up, yelled, screamed, cried more this year than any other year of your life.

Mentally, sometimes you’re still distant. You’re not the best friend, daughter, mother. Depression gets the best of you in the worst of ways and it’s turned you cold sometimes. Even to those who don’t deserve it.

32 brought a life change you never expected. Something was taken from you. You had to grieve for a love you thought you’d hold onto for a lifetime. You’re still grieving this loss. There was a point when you didn’t want to live without this part of your life……

But here you are.

Every day that you wake up, you fill your cup.

Every day that you get out of bed, you fill your cup.

When you go to work, you fill your cup.

When you be a better friend, you fill your cup.

When you be a better mother, you fill your cup.

Every day that you take your new life on as your own, you fill your cup.

It’s never easy changing. It’s never easy having to forcefully adjust to a new normal. You don’t know what to expect, how long you will run your emotions up and down, how many nights you’ll cry yourself to sleep, how many nights you’ll be infuriated with God, how many days you’ll beg for forgiveness and reconciliation.

But….

Here. You. Are.

You survived the worst days of your life because they’re behind you now.

You’re a 33 year old, college graduate, management-level professional. A loyal friend, an awesome mother, a great daughter, a selfless big sister, a woman who has managed to lose the one person she thought she’d spend her life with and still come out of it knowing she is worth something and she is more than enough for any and everyone; no matter who says different or what happens. You’re flawed; but you’re still perfect for someone. Life may have turned upside down for you, but you’re coming out of it better, stronger and more resilient.

Here you are Whitney. Pat yourself on the damn back and be proud of yourself. Because you’re making it happen. And 32 may have not been the best, but best believe your 33rd year on earth could be your absolute best.

They say diamonds are made out of pressure; well you’ve had a hell of a lot of pressure come your way. You’ve felt the weight of the world on you; but now it’s time to show how brightly you shine.

You’re amazing. You’re worth it. You’re enough.

Happy Birthday.

6 thoughts on “Happy Birthday.

  1. Unwanted Life – I blog about my experiences with my mental and physical health problems and offer my views and opinions on related subjects in the hopes It'll help other people, whilst further helping to destigmatise mental and physical health problem
    Unwanted Life says:

    First off, happy birthday!

    Yeah, it can be difficult to adapt to change, but if this year has taught me anything, it’s that some people will literally sacrifice the life of others just to avoid change and wear a mask is shops and washing your hands regularly

    1. Thank you!!
      And you are very right! This year has taught me so much and so many lessons can come out of the actions of others. I can only hope that next year gets a little better.

    1. Thank you!!

      I felt after the year I’ve had and everything that’s gone on, I needed to write myself and let myself know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

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