Be Magical AF.

I have to take this time to shoutout the #SelfishBabe app because it is truly inspirational. I’ve never dealt with an affirmation app that was so blunt and real and truthfully, this is needed in my life at this current time.

I need small reminders that I have greatness in my soul and I refuse to let anyone dim the light that shines through me. I’m committed to growing and glowing and like the picture says, the world is dealing with a magical MF!!!

If you need daily doses of realness and inspiration to be the lit ass individual you are, download the #SelfishBabe app and get your entire life!!!

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Marriage, By Any Other Name?

When I was younger, I dreamed of having a “perfect” marriages. A white dresses (which would have been the only time I wore a dress), black tuxedos, a bridesmaid line as long as the eye could see. As much of a tomboy that I was, this was going to possibly be the most feminine moment of my life (and to date, I would say it still is, lol).

Growing up, I only knew of one type of marriage; and that was one between a man and a woman, living together, raising kids, loving one another unconditionally. Now, admittedly, I did not see that ideal scenario throughout my entire childhood; however, there are moments that I do remember that I would wish would be similar to how I would live with my spouse.

What I have grown to realize and accept is that there are so many other forms of marriage or I would call them “partnerships”, other than what one would consider “traditional.” I’d also argue that the traditional style of marriage is possibly one of the least popular.

Love is not a deal breaker in marriages, despite many of our childhood beliefs. I used to think that love was the one and only thing you needed in order to know that you wanted to marry someone. Being in a relationship for 11 years, 6 and a half married, I have now come to the conclusion that it takes more than seeing sunshine days and butterflies in my stomach to make for a committed union. Nowadays, many people may marry for different reasons that go far beyond just love. People marry someone whom they see they can build a prosperous future with, some marry but do not hold their spouse to a more traditional form of fidelity; others marry and choose not to share a residence.

So, the questions comes to mind: Is this wrong? Are people sullying the sanctity of marriage by having so many unorthodox rules and no boundaries? Who’s to say what is the right answer to a question like this? I know for sure, I am not.

Personally, I won’t go on record stating that any way that a person chooses to live their life with their partner is wrong or right. I do not feel I am the authority on someone’s else’s life and their lifestyle. I say all this to say that in 2019, the world is a lot less judgmental and holding to standards of the past. It is interesting and very intriguing to see the evolution of specific relationships, as it pertains to how men and women choose to join with one another in a union. I find it doesn’t bother me at all; and if anything, it brings about the urge for more intense dialogue on that person’s perspective, to gain knowledge and understanding.

I have never been someone to judge anyone else’s union and how they choose to live. To me, what one may see as “wrong”, another may seem as a perfect lifestyle for themselves; and as an impartial and imperfect human being, I would never hold my standards or expectations on someone else and the way they choose to live their life.

Quick Public Service Announcement: Y’all Gotta do Better.

I’m truly tired of high-end name brands debuting clothes that I am confident they know are problematic, and continue to throw the rock, hide their hand, and then come back to apologize.

Burberry is yet the next brand to receive public scrutiny and rage as they debuted a hoodie with a noose hanging from it.

Why?

How?

Did NO ONE try to even interject and state that maybe this is not something that should be debuted on a runway? I just don’t get it.

There are several times that this has happened. Brands have brought out different clothes, campaigns, slogans, etc. and there has been some level of problematic notion within them. What I continue to not understand is how there is no healthy conversation before these things hit the media as to how this is not a good look.

I will admit, there are some things that have come out that I have kind of side-eyed and thought, “well maybe that’s a stretch”. And I’m mature enough to say so; however, Burberry’s noose, Gucci’s sweater, H&M’s monkey hoodie, all these things definitely stung in a way that was uncomfortable.

I just have one wish that if you are a high end fashion design company, a global store, a product, a brand, ANYTHING, please have someone on your design team that can talk some sense into y’all. Have someone on your side that can relate to a more socially-conscious society and who can articulate why things are problematic. Because it’s clear, that some of you do not have that type of team; and it shows in the process in which things are presented, and then immediately retracted.

I’ve always thought that it takes more work to get something wrong, then have to rectify it, than to just get it right the first time.

Just sayin’

-🖤

Remember to Breathe

Let’s get real for a moment.

I don’t believe that mental health is something that is discussed to the fullest degree. There are so many misconceptions and assumptions about depression, how to deal with it, who should and shouldn’t be faced with depression, etc.; the fact of the matter is, anyone can be riddled with depression, and the greater portion of the world suffers in complete silence.

I recently made the decision to speak with my doctor about my anxiety and depression. It was a very difficult thing to come to grips with, because I felt like I shouldn’t have been depressed. If you looked at my life, you would not see a reason for me to experience bouts of depression. I am employed, I have a home, a child and a spouse. I live a fairly average life and try hard to live positively. With someone with such a positive presentation, why would I wake up some mornings and not want to get out of bed? Why would I have moments where I break down in tears dealing with sadness? Why would I feel completely unmotivated and unmoved to do things I thoroughly enjoy? Yes; I’ve experienced all these things at one point or at the same time in my life. I don’t have a rhyme or reason for it, I just know that the feelings exist. Just the fact that I had no answer to these questions led me to seek out help about why and how I was feeling. I felt so many different emotions; ones that were surrounded by insecurity and uncertainty.

I initially didn’t want to share what I would call my most vulnerable moments to date, but I sincerely feel that there is someone in the world who is just as shy and apprehensive about admitting that there is something going on with their mental health. Someone who, like me, continues to put on a happy face for the world, when behind that mask I am fighting tears. I feel it is time to show the real me, and find peace in a community of people who also share the similarities as me.

So, here is the moment where i typically say, “well, it’s out now, so how the hell do I fix it?”

There are several things I do to attempt to effectively deal with depression, but I also know that works for me when I process my high and low moments will not always work for anyone else. I realized that the simplest advice i could offer someone, is to take time to focus on your breathing. I’ve noticed that if i take a moment and focus merely on my breathe, I find peace in knowing that as long as I’m able to breathe, I’m able to get through this low moment.

Anyone suffering with any type of mental health issue, I strongly urge that you find whatever you need to get through the day, that is healthy and positive. I know at times it is hard to find the positive throughout the day, but remember every breath you take is a step in the right direction. Find your level of peace, and live the best life you can.

-🖤

The Beginning of a Powerful Movement in Black History

Black History Month is now among us, and as we use this month to commemorate powerful leaders and trailblazers amongst the African American race, I believe this should also be a time to pay tribute to those who unfortunately lost their lives to unjustified crimes, and the power and strength of a community to grow a movement that rose from those tragedies.

The month of February also signifies Trayvon Martin’s birth, and even sadly, his death. He would have celebrated his 24th birthday today; however, unfortunately, his life was snatched away from him only shortly after his 17th birthday. The tragedy of Trayvon’s death also marks the beginning of one of the most powerful movements for Black Americans. Black Lives Matter became a powerful and earth-shattering force, because of such utter disregard for such an innocent Black life taken from this world so soon, simply because his appearance was perceived to be a “threat” and “suspicious”.

On February 26, the world was rocked by the news that Trayvon, an unarmed 17-year old child, was shot and killed because one man single man called the police on him for being what he assumed to be suspicious. Even after George Zimmerman was told NOT to follow him, he disobeyed and felt that he had to be responsible for an unnecessary “consequence” for Trayvon. He was doing absolutely nothing wrong, and what is painful is to know that no one on this earth expects to be so innocently living life, just for it to be taken away from you in a second.

In an even more outrageous occurrence, Zimmerman was acquitted of charges of second degree murder, based on what the jury felt was self-defense. It was because of this ruling, Black Lives Matter was created by three amazing women; Alicia Garza, Opal Tometi, and Patrisse Cullors. This organization was formed to take on a fight against institutionalized racism and police brutality against black people.

Sadly, since Trayvon’s death, there have been other tragic events to occur in the Black community, all riddled with the same questions, mainly beginning with “why?”

Why are people who are doing absolutely nothing to lose “threat or fear” being killed, and officers using that lie to justify their actions? Why is it that families of these victims constantly let down by a justice system that does not see blatant crimes being committed?

Unfortunately, Trayvon’s untimely passing was truly an unnecessary and jarring tragedy; however, it has created such a response from communities that have now shed a gleaming light on injustice everywhere, and brought the African American community together to take a stand against what would become a widespread and unfortunate epidemic on the Black community.

Even nearly 7 years later, the circumstances surrounding Trayvon’s murder and other murders since are still haunting and even give some pause to doing things that felt like normal innocent behavior in the past. Walking down your neighborhood street becomes a hesitant decision, wearing a hoodie may cause sideways glances, seeing a police officer behind you makes you wonder if they will notice the color of your skin as a reason to pull you over. It’s like living your life walking on eggshells; not knowing whether your presence alone is causing someone “fear for their life.” This is our reality, and on most days some of our biggest and most pressing fears; to be misjudged, falsely accused, and paying an unnecessary price for the color of our skin.

In this month, it is important to reflect on history; and in order to do that, we cannot forget the movement that was sparked and ignited due to this unfortunate situation.

Happy Birthday, Trayvon. We will continue to strive for the justice you deserved.

🖤