Once I’m Gone

Just a little something I wrote, but never let the world see…

I tried so hard to be perfect for you,
Changed my ways, changed my look, even sacrificed for you,
I thought changing me would make you see that this was all real to me,
But in time, I found that nothing I would do could change you.

No matter how many nights I spent with tears soaking my pillow; our backs turned while I asked God why is this happening to me,
Why is what I thought was going to be the best thing that ever happened to me, turning out to be my worst nightmare.
I begged to know why I still wasn’t enough for you to find worth in.

I believed there was something wrong with me, in an effort to justify your thought process,
Put myself down, in order to build you up
All in the end to find out that no matter what I did, you would never change for me

Maybe you’ll care for me once I’m gone.
No matter what capacity that may be.
Maybe the emotional turmoil I felt when trying to simply love you will all make sense, once there is no one begging for your attention.

 

**Never give your all to someone who doesn’t appreciate it.  Work hard for someone who is willing to put forth the same effort as you, and you will then find the true meaning of love.

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How to Forgive Myself

A few days ago, I listened to a guided meditation that provided a lot of perspective on what I have been going through these past couple of weeks.

It was in reference to forgiving yourself, and how often we forget that the most important person that needs forgiveness, is you.

How many of us on a given day, go through the day making personal mistakes; and instead of giving ourselves a little compassion and room to forgive, we unload on ourselves with doubt and major criticism? Why is this ok, when with other we continue to encourage the art of forgiveness?

Personally, I find it difficult to not hold myself to a higher standard in life, because I know better. When I make mistakes, I feel like I’m failing myself, because I should have never made that decision in the beginning. I’ve had to learn to tell myself that times will not always be perfect and will not always fall into place.

Meditating and reflecting on the concept of forgiving myself has been very eye-opening, as I realized there are several things that I find myself being extra critical about myself.

Today, I plan to take more time to forgive myself, and offer myself some benefit of the doubt in regards to situations that arise in my life. I plan to take advantage of the opportunities to be compassionate for my own actions, just as I am able to show compassion to others in their situations. I feel like maybe, this might make things better during the tough times. 🖤