#BlackGirlMagicGoals: Shonda Rhimes

My third shoutout for this month goes to none other than the TGIT queen herself, Shonda Rhimes.

This amazing woman needs no introduction, but I have to stan for a bit on just how awesome I believe she is. There isn’t much that Shonda hasn’t done in this lifetime so far, and it seems like she’s not stopping anytime soon.

Shonda has referred to herself as a “titan”, and given meaning to saying the word “yes” when the opportunity strikes itself. I’ve watched Shonda since 2011 when I began watching Scandal, and I’ve been glued to her work ethic and personality since that moment.

Here are my five favorite facts about Ms. Rhimes:

  • She is the writer and executive producer of 3 of my favorite shows of all time (and also about 4 others)
  • She owns her own production company, Shondaland, where she has 9 shows that she has been apart of executive producing.
  • She wrote a best-selling novel titled Year of Yes! (Again, I have that in my collection)
  • She has been nominated and won awards in several different categories, including NAACP awards and an Golden Globe. She’s also been nominated for 3 Emmy’s.
  • She has her own TED talk (which you can view here).

I can’t say enough how much I LOVE this woman and how much she’s given to TV and been an inspiration to young women worldwide.  From her creative imagination to her titan-like abilities, she is truly what you would call magic in every way.

Photo cred: Google Image Search

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When the Family Feuds

Arguments are tough; they’re even tougher when you’re dealing with someone you love. Sometimes families argue, and the wounds and pain of those arguments are difficult to recover from.

I’ll admit, my family has not been the most normal. We’ve got our own sets of issues and problems within the structure, and some of the bonds that were once unbreakable are broken and in no place of reconciliation. It’s sad to see; however, the reality is that it’s going to be what it’s going to be and there’s no way to change it.

I’ve had several issues with family members in my adult life; I’m happy to say some have been rectified, while others have been broken so long I’m afraid they may be beyond repair. I do think of them often, wondering why things could not be fixed, but I tend to think of family just as one would friends. Sometimes, you only experience people for the seasons that they are needed in your life. Does that stop you from loving them? No. I still love everyone in my family, despite our relationships not being what the expectation should be. I just know that at this time, they may not be meant to be in my life at this time; and that’s ok.

Alot of people have very complicated family dynamics; some more dysfunctional than others. Whenever there’s a rift between family, it’s almost like the deepest knife cutting into your soul. You have to ask yourself whether or not it’s worth fighting for, and sometimes the answer may be no.

I’m not promoting anyone not being close to their loved ones, because if there are ways to mend relationships then you should; however, there are times when some relationships may not be as great as you would like them to be. There’s no harm in putting forth the effort to try, but if it does not work out, then it’s best to love them, but understand that all relationships are not perfect and sometimes you have to play the hand you are dealt.

4 Ways to Protect your Positive Energy

We are living in hectic times in 2018. There has been so many problems and controversies brought up recently that it’s easy to find yourself in a very low and negative space. Even in your personal life, all of our experiences create an emotional reaction in our bodies. We’re either on the positive end of it, or the negative.

These days, we have to find ways to protect what positivity we do have, and find ways to show it in our everyday lives. Between social media, politics, work, school, parenting, marriage and any other responsibility in this world, negativity can somehow creep it’s way into any of these aspects of your life.

Allowing negative energy into your life can cause a lot of emotional draining, negative self-talk, and an overall decline in mood. The key to protecting your positive energy is combatting those negative responses to the negativity, and putting that much more focus on emitting those positive responses and spreading more positive energy (if your positive is greater than your negative, the positive wins, right? 😉).

Now more than ever, we have to learn how to make our positive energy more abundantly present in our lives, because negativity comes in all forms. Here are four ways to protect your positive energy when negative tries to enter your space:

* Saying no to negative people- sometimes the best remedy to negativity is simply telling yourself “no” to keeping those negative people around you. If they do not mean well, then they need to be removed from your atmosphere.

* Giving yourself room for error- Nobody in life is perfect, and sometimes negative energy can be self-inflicted. Do not put yourself on an unattainable pedastal. We all have flaws and we all mess up in life. Give yourself a little room for error and room for positive correction.

* Laugh or cry sometimes- sometimes, you need a moment to let out a healthy, hearty laugh; or have a good cry over things. That’s ok. Never let negative energy build up. If you need to, find healthy ways to deal with that type of energy; laughing, crying or even talking to someone can help eliminate those types of emotions lying dormant in your mind.

* Self-awareness- Being aware of the things you like and don’t like, or having an idea about the energy you’re projecting will allow you to understand how to release negative energy and protect your positive energy.

Adopting these four ways to protect your energy will be key to giving yourself the much needed tools to deal with the negativity, and bring forth more of your “feel-good” emotions. The overall goal is to not allow negativity to live within you; always let your positive attitude prevail!

Self-Care Sunday: “Today I Don’t Feel Like Doing Anything”

#SundayBumday #LazyMondayThroughSaturday and any other hashtag to promote being absolutely lazy and loving it is my choice of self-care this week.

Like the title says, sometimes we can do everything in the world,  and be everybody for someone in the world, but at the end of the day, you STILL don’t feel like doing anything.

Being lazy has got to be one of the simplest forms of self-care there is; just simply lay around and do NOTHING!

The best way to achieve this method of self-care, just simply give yourself the opportunity to  enjoy doing nothing.  We work so hard and have so much to do, that sometimes we deserve to not do absolutely anything.  There have been days that I would sit around and not do a thing and it truly feels very refreshing and uplifting to be an unapologetic lazy adult for a day.  Other times, the “lazy” seeems to creep up on me, and before I have realized it, I have spent an entire day being unproductive, but it oddly feels pretty great at times.

As adults, we don’t give ourselves many opportunities to take advantage of a lazy day.  We’re always finding a reason to be busy, or guilting ourselves into thinking that we don’t need to waste time lounging around the house for no reason.  I think the exact opposite; as adults that work hard, we deserve the abililty to treat ourselves with some time to kick our feet up, in our best sweatpants and big t-shirt and lay around doing nothing at all.

This week, I encourage you to take one day and spend it doing nothing.  Turn your adulting off for a day and see how beneficial it will be to get the undisturbed rest and relaxation you need.

 

 

 

Photo Cred: Google Search Engine

#BlackGirlMagicGoals: Luvvie Ajayi

This week, my next feature of awesome #BlackGirlMagic goes to Luvvie Ajayi,

When I first found out about Luvvie, it was similar to the same time I discovered Issa Rae.  She was doing recaps of episodes of Insecure, and when I read one I thought, “ok, I LOVE how she writes; I HAVE to follow her!”  From then on, just as eagerly as I stayed tuned in on Insecure, I couldn’t wait for Luvvie’s recap to drop, because we would be on the same wavelength!

I then discovered more of her articles on her own website, AwesomelyLuvvie.com.  The way she writes is great and she definitely will tell it like it is; her witty sarcasm and honesty is one of the things I love most about her.  She also roots for all beautiful Brown girls, no matter what age they are.

I love the fearlessness that she has when tackling sensitive issues in social media or culture, taking on the bigger and more intimidating person; no matter what they  say.  She also speaks up for some pretty controversial issues and doesn’t mind creating a lane and avenue for her fellow Black girls who are doing big things to shine.

  • Just did the most amazing TED talk ever (that I still listen to at least twice a week)
  • She’s a NYT best-selling author of the book titled, I’m Judging You: The do-better manual (bought and read, it was amazing!)
  • Was named as one of ESSENCE’s “Woke 100 Women” and The Root’s “The Root 100” in 2017.
  • She is co-founder of the nonprofit organization “Red Pump Project” which is an organization designed to empower girls and women of color about HIV/AIDS.

From her shoe collection (@mustluvvshoes on IG) to her unapologetic articles on her website, Luvvie is the straight-no-chaser kind of girl I would definitely love to have in my circle.

 

Photo Cred: Google Search Engine

How to Stay Young When Your Relationship is Feeling Old

Being married for 5 years thus far has taught me a lot about myself, my spouse and the idea of marriage as a whole.  The one thing I have learned is that there are times when you can feel quite old in your relationship sometimes, and it is not the best feeling by any means.  Along with the growing pains of marriage, we all have gotten to a point in our marriage, where we can sometimes feel a lot older than we are.  There are a lot of contributing factors to this; jobs, kids, chores and other daily responsibilities in the house, bills, you name it!  When you’re thinking about all of these things, it is difficult to remember to keep your relationship young and fresh all the time.

Since I’m sure some of us have been in this predicament before, I also know that you would want to know how to fix it.  Well, I have thought of a few things that will make you feel young again, when your relationship is getting older and older by the minute.

Make time for one another: A lot of times, we mistake the time we are around our partners as “quality time” when in all reality, we are just existing around them while we continue to move on with everyday life.  It is worth taking actual time out to spend time connecting with your partner, and it will make all the difference.  Making time for your partner, that does not involve dealing with the children, washing the dishes together or focused on other obligations or activities is a good starting point for reviving the newness of your relationship.

Spontaneity: Have you ever wanted to surprise your partner with a random lunch date, a day trip to your favorite place close by, or even a kid-free, responsibility-free weekend out of the blue?  If so, then being spontaneous is for you.  Doing random things at the spur of the moment can bring life back into you and your relationship, because you are learning to let go and go with the flow with someone you truly know you can have a good time with.

Intimacy: Intimacy on all levels is a great way to rekindle the spark in your marriage.  Whether it is physical, emotional or even spiritual; having a level of intimacy in your relationship really helps improve your connection with one another.

Dating: And no, I don’t mean dating other people while in your relationship, LOL.  I believe that “dating” your significant other or spouse gets lost in the daily routine of married life.  With all the responsibilities and priorities, going on a romantic date may always seem to fall to the bottom of the list; and even if you try, there may be something that always comes up.  Scheduling and planning time to actually date again can really turn things around in your relationship.  It allows you to learn new things about your partner (maybe things that you did not even know or things that have newly developed over the years), and it can be fun “getting to know” your partner all over again.

All of these steps and many more are guaranteed to make you have a differnt outlook on your relationship, if you feel like the newness is starting to wear off, and you both are getting comfortable.  Trying out new things is almost like dating all over again; before the commitments, babies, jobs, bills, etc.  If you truly find excitement in making your relationship feel young and new again, focus on these four items to really enhance your relaltionship and take you both on significant and meaningful journey towards a happy, healthy relationship.

Throw the Word ‘Diet’ Away!

So, month 2 of 12 is officially in session, so I have a question:

How many of us are still saying you’re going on a “diet”?

Don’t you truly just hate that word?? I know I do.  Every couple months or so, I would call myself going on a “diet”, and within about a week in, I would be  giving it up and saying “I QUIT” to the entire concept.  This was obviously not yielding any positive results.  That is excactly why about two years ago, I decided to stop calling any change I made to my eating habits a “diet”.  I just called it what it was; deciding what I was and was not going to eat anymore.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I referenced my eating habits as a diet, and that has made all the difference in how I feel about what I choose and choose not to eat.

Everyone has their own way of tackling the number 1 resolution of a new year; losing weight and eating better.  I found out the hard way a few interesting and critical things:

  • I can’t lose weight the same way everyone else does, and I have to make the gym fun for me
  • I am not going on a “chicken-brown rice- broccoli” diet of sorts, because it will piss me off and I’ll eat a pizza instead.

Instead of trying to lose weight like people I saw on TV or social media, and limiting myself to only 3 foods consistently everyday, what I decided to do was to implement simple, yet better habits about my health.  Right now, I am currently weeening myself back off red meat (which is very rare that I eat it anyway) and I am working on letting go of pork as well.  I promised myself to work out at least three times a week on strength training HIIT circuits.  I feel like the more  I implement things I enjoy doing, the more it will not feel like a chore or such an important  obligation that I don’t want to make a valid commitment to it.

Now, when I commit to a specific change in the way I eat, I also never count out the things I  love most; which was something I did before (totally elimiinate things I thoroughly enjoyed).  Now, I continue to eat things I love, but in moderation.

For example, I love Pepsi.  I don’t know if there is anyone or anything that will have me not like or stop drinking it.  In previous attempts at weight loss, I attempted to quit drinking Pepsi cold turkey, but it never worked and I found myself frustrated and just quitting.  Now, I have developed a new attitude towards weight loss and now, instead of quitting it cold turkey, I just drink it in moderation.

The overall lesson I learned from this experience is that your life is what you make it, and whatever you choose to do is your business.  If you don’t want to lose weight, then dont.  If you do want to lose weight, don’t make it a hassle.  Turn it into something you are going to enjoy doing; if not, you will never actually have fun or feel good about your weight loss.