A Process Towards Rediscovering Myself

Life’s journey all begins in process.  I whole-heartedly believe that this life we live in is unique and while everyone has the same overall goal of happiness; the way in which we achieve that happiness is vastly different.  We all have our own journeys that we will face, we all have our own truth to discover along the way, but most importantly, the way in which we all get to our destinations; our process throughout this life, is vastly different and it is the defining factor in how we become who we are and what our purpose is in life.  All of these things tend to blend together at some point in our lives; but one thing that will always remain certain is that no two people on this earth share the exact same process and I believe that is truly what makes the world diverse.

As we all go through life, we all are completing a process; no matter how big or small it may be.  We are being tested in many different aspects and what we learn and the things we gather from those tests help shape us and help us to understand our truth.  The more I reflect on this in a more personal manner, I find myself focusing more on the idea of my process and how that leads me on a pathway towards defining myself on a deeper level as I transition into a new chapter in my life; one several of us may be or will be familiar with at one point in our lives; Chapter 30.

I’m currently 29, and only have seventeen days officially until I turn the big 3-0.  In the last few years, I have begun a process of my own to start developing a deeper understanding and a deeper level of self-discovery.  I felt like I only knew myself on a superficial level and wanted to know more about what my truth was and what it would be as I began to mature into a new era of my life.  Lately, 30 has felt more like turning the last page of a chapter, and beginning a new one.  I can literally feel a shift in my life happening; a positive shift that I am mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally preparing for.  I’ve matured in so many ways and grown in so many ways in the last few years, and I want to see how those things begin to settle and manifest themselves as I grow into my 30’s and beyond.

For so long, I have had this “unknown” feeling about myself.  I have finally started to sort out just what it is in my life that I want to do and want to accomplish, and I feel like I will be able to accomplish those things as I go into “Chapter 30.”  I know life always sends you unknowns, but I feel like I will be more prepared for them now than I was in my 20’s.

One thing I’ve learned going through this personal process thus far, is that it is not always an easy task, and just like anything in life, it will have its barriers.  Your process may be stunted by obstacles that are completely beyond your ability to control.  Oftentimes, the uncontrollable obstacles are the most difficult ones to overcome, because they are beyond our realm of understanding.  They are the ones you want to fix the most but you know deep down you cannot fix them.

The reality is, your life’s process will bring about all of these things; good times and bad, the key is focusing on how you overcome those things and how those different experiences shape you as a person.  These experiences are why develop you as a person and what help you tell the world who you truly are to this universe.

I hope that with my process, I am able to gain all that the universe has in store for me.  I hope to find out the wonderful things and even the ugly truths about myself.  I hope that my process is one that will build me up to be someone to withstand some of life’s greatest struggles; because that is how you know when you can survive the hardest battles.

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A Lesson Learned

What do you take from the experiences life brings you? Do you take them as what they are and move on, or do you search for the lesson in those experiences?

Life is full of countless lessons; some come from good experiences and some come from bad. I’d like to believe that a lot of my best lessons, came from my worst mistakes and experiences in life. I will be the first to admit that as simple as my life may seem, I’ve done some pretty crazy things (lol). Throughout those many experiences; whether it was throughout my childhood or my adult life, I’ve learned valuable lessons about life, love, happiness, family, etc. that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

For me, it’s also important to note whom I owe the pleasure of learning these valuable lessons from. I have to credit my support system for teaching me so many things in my life, and still teaching me things as I journey through marriage, motherhood, and life in general, because there is always something happening or mistakes being made that cause me to learn something new to take with me on this journey. Between my mother teaching me about life, my husband teaching me how to love, and even my daughter teaching me nurturing and compassion, there’s never a moment in my life where meaningful lessons are not being taught.

Sometimes, life’s greatest and worst experiences may bring out some of the most trying struggles and difficulties of life; but the lessons that come out of those experiences is what makes you better and stronger than you ever had been before ❤️.

“Life perfect ain’t perfect,

If you don’t know what the struggle’s for.

Falling down ain’t falling down,

If you don’t cry whenyou hit the floor.

I’m getting past,

And I ain’t nothing like I was before,

You ought to se me now.

Yes Iwas burned, but I called it a lesson learned.”

-Alicia Keys, Lesson Learned

The Reverse Bucket List

After reading my daily Shine text this morning, it inspired me to make this post because there was an awesome article (that you can check out here) that accompanied it about how “reverse” bucket lists can be just as cool as creating a regular bucket list!

While we all get caught up in the excitement of making a list of all the things we want to accomplish in our lives; trips we want to take, things we want to do and see, fears we want to overcome and milestones we want to achieve, we tend to forget to highlight the things we have accomplished along the way. Sometimes, even making the list and looking back over it may appear to be loftier than we imagined and sometimes it makes us wonder: are we really going to get through our bucket lists?

In the spirit of writing this post, I decided to create my own reverse bucket list of some of the things I’m proud to say I’ve done lately. I listed out the top 5 things I’m proud to say I’ve done in the last 2 years (in no particular order):

  • Published 2 books
  • Reached 350 followers on my blog
  • Posted 500 posts
  • Launched a publishing company
  • Featured on another blog in the last year

Just as the article says, doing a reverse bucket list does three things; it makes you proud of what you’ve done, gives you a sense of gratitude and shows the progress you’ve made in life and on your personal journey. Just by looking at my list, I feel a sense of empowerment in the things I’ve achieved.

Knowing myself, there are things on this list that the old me would have never had the courage to step out and do before. I am beyond proud of my list and the things I’ve done. I have so many more things I would love to do to add to this list, but every now and then, if I feel myself getting overwhelmed with the abundance of things I have listed, I will take a few minutes to reflect on my reverse bucket list, and remind myself just how great I’m doing so far!

If you want to get your own daily Shine texts sent to your phone daily, go to http://www.shinetext.com to sign up today!! 🙂

Proud Accomplishments!

On 10/14, I announced that I finally am starting up my own publishing company, Writing in Color Publishing, LLC.  After careful consideration and back and forth about taking the leap of faith into the unknown, I finally did it and I was extremely happy about it.

I just wanted to take the moment to relish in this accomplishment, because this has been something that I have been considering since I published my first novel in 2016.  I had done reading about publishing under a specific name for a while, and thinking to myself, “what if I did start off a indie publisher, and one day expanded as a publishing company?”, so that is what I plan on doing.  I am definitely stil in some of my beginning stages and still developing and learning new and innovative ways to help myself and others become the best and brightest published writers of colors on the market, but I am proud to say that I have something to call my own and  cultivate into something that I can hope to see become something very impactful for the African American community one day.

If nothing else happens for me in 2017, I can say that this was one of the greatest things to happen to me this  year; and it is something that I am very proud to call my own :).

Click here to check out and follow my site for Writing in Color Publishing, LLC.!!

My October Affirmation List

For the month of October, roughly one month before my birthday, I took on a task of creating affirmations everyday that I use to motivate and keep myself positive.

So far, I’ve made 24 affirmations (2 per morning) and it feels really good. I have an app that I use to take words from, and from those words I create my own affirmations to keep with me throughout the day. I may write it down, put it on my lock screen or just go back to my notepad during the day. So far, it’s been helping; I can tell my attitude is slowly turning around. At the end of the month, I may reveal my list of affirmations, so hopefully someone will be inspired to utilize an affirmation, or take on the challenge for themselves.

I hope we all continue to push through this month and soak in as many positive vibes as possible! Find an affirmation you love and hold on to it for peace, love, strength, happiness, or whatever you may need that day!

Focus on Living Your Best Life

Most of our lives are spent trying to determine who we are. We strive to live our best lives, no matter what obstacles are put in our way. What we end up running into is the constant battle between what is authentically the life we have been placed on earth to live, or the life we get caught up living; meaning, we tend to live a life where we are chasing after the perception of our peers, instead of accepting what our life is and how our experiences make us unique as a person.

You should ask yourself this question, “Are you living the life you want or the life you perceived was the “right” life?” We all do it; we look at someone else’s life and wonder why we aren’t living the same way someone else is, when we know that it doesn’t work that way. Everyone’s lives weren’t meant to mimic one another, or else there would be no societal diversity.

 

I stand by the quote in the image in the beginning of this post: “you can’t live your life battling the perception of others.” Just because you are at one stage in life, does not make you any better or any worse than anyone else.

Do you compare your life to others and wonder why you’re not in a specific part of life as opposed to someone else?

WHY? Why do we believe that our lives are superior or oftentimes inferior to others, when we don’t truly know the complete story behind someone else’s “good” life. Also, how do you know that someone is not looking at what you see in your life as an inferiority, and thinking to themselves, “I wish I had that in my life.”

I’m guilty of this myself. I look at other people’s lives and wonder what I did wrong to not have what they have, without realizing the blessings that we’re specifically tailored to my life! I’m wasting time not loving and living my best life because I’m moping around about I believe I lack; and that has to stop.

After reflecting on this topic for a few days, I thought of a few things that you can remember as you are beginning a path towards living your best life, and not comparing your stage of life to someone elses:

  1. Stop putting a limit on your goals. A lot of times, we put a deadline on our goals, such as “I want to have ____ by the time I do _____.”  I have always been in the habit of putting myself on a specific deadline; however, I notice that the deadline only puts more pressure on me.  There is no need to put more unnecessary pressure on yourself.  The most effective way I have started to see success in my plans is when I write them down, but I do not pressure myself with a deadline.  I just work diligently and continue to maintain accountability to reaching those goals.
  2. Accepting the path that you were given in life.  Everyone’s life has a different path and your path doesn’t dictate what is wrong or right in your life.  It also does not dictate what should or should not be done in your life.  No two paths are the same in this world and it is up to you to make the most of the path you choose to take.
  3. Perfection is subject to perception. Everyone has the right to perceive their life as “perfect”.  I stand by believing that my life is my own version of perfection, and I am proud of that.  If you have a specific way you define what perfection is for you, and your life fits that, then why would you spend time trying to make your life fit someone else’s version of a perfect life?

Ask yourself this question:

Are you striving to live your life the way it’s been laid out for you? Or are you busy being upset because you’re comparing your life to someone else’s?

If you’re struggling with this, take a step back and take some time to evaluate what is meant for you to live your life the best way you know how.  Keep in mind that no two people are alike, and the world was not made for us to be robotic and live identical lifestyles.  Life is ever-changing and evolving, and what is successful for you may not be successful for someone else; however, that does not mean that neither one of you are not living life to the fullest.

 

Striving to be Better for Those Who Look up to Me

Q: Do I see myself as successful?

I don’t really define success by the way others view my accomplishments; but more-so how I feel about what I have accomplished.

At the beginning of this year, I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish.  I made promises to myself about the type of woman I would be in the year 2017, as opposed to who I was in 2016.  I strived to be better, wiser, stronger, and more self-loving than I ever have been.  I told myself that my self-care would be a priority and not an option; and that I would learn to make sure the things I enjoyed were strongly incorporated into my routine in order to maintain my happiness.

Will I consider myself successful?  No; not yet.

I had some high hopes for this year, and while some of these things I have been able to achieve, and some things are a working progress, there are others I struggle with daily.  There are mornings I wake up and feel like I don’t want to get out of bed.  There are mornings when I don’t care about anything but myself.  There are mornings when I want to be selfish and self-centered. These days are a contradiction to what I promised myself I would strive to do this year, and sometimes it feels like a setback in my quest to a more well-rounded person.

Despite how I feel, I try not to let these feelings take over me emotionally, because I know I have a responsibility to work on being successful for those most important to me, one of those being my daughter.

I push through those feelings because I have an even more stronger dedication towards being a good mother and wife.  I give 100% to my job because I was taught to do a job and do it well.  I push through those negative feelings and look towards who I am successful for; as opposed to what I have to do to continue to be successful.  I have to give 110% effort, because I am now being watched, observed and studied by a little one who will grow up with some of the traits and characteristics that she has seen in her mother. I want her to see the good qualities, and even with the negatives, I want her to learn how to overcome those things in life as well; so I cannot let them get me down.

Everyone has their own level of success in life and also someone who motivates them to continue to reach for that success.  I don’t feel like I have reached a point in life where I can call myself successful in all the areas I would like to be successful in.  I am doing well in some, but not the best in others.  My focus right now is to find out what is not working in those not so good areas, and work on improving those for not only myself, but for those who depend on me most. I know I have a long way to go in order to achieve the success I want in life; but for now, I know I’m not a perfect person and I’m ok with that. I don’t strive for perfection, I strive for my personal feeling of success. I know there will be days where things won’t happen the way I plan, but I also know I’m putting forth the effort and in time, things will fall right into place for me.